I hear your first lady, Dame Patience, is back from her two month disappearance. They say she was in Germany. I did not bother blogging about her disappearance because I figured, what’s the big deal about the first lady of Nigeria disappearing? We once had a missing president (Yar’Adua), so this is definitely a fly on the wall. In retrospect, I wish I had blogged about it. So many missed opportunities to crack jokes on her.
Look! It’s Super Woman!!
But she’s back now. And she (and all these people) are not afraid to show it. Naturally – as all celebrities do – she steps off the aircraft and waves to all her adoring fans. And they wave back, too! This is very mind-boggling for me, but then again, this is Nigeria. The first lady disappeared for two months with no explanation whatsoever, and she is received with jubilation? For what? I can’t possibly be the only one who thinks this is crazy.
Apparently, she’s their mummy
You see, this right here, is a problem. We (Nigerians) complain and complain about the government, about how they’re oppressing us, about how unkind and unjust they are, but when an opportunity like this happens, we stand there and celebrate the people who kill us daily. And we call them “Mummy.” Ehm, Patience ain’t my damn mummy!
In her defense, this isn’t nearly as bad as when Yar’Adua disappeared and his wife, Turai, did not even want to tell us if he was dead or alive. And when news finally broke that Yar’Adua was dead, Turai wanted to become the president. I was furious, asking, what the heck does Turai know about being a president?
That was when Nigeria rejoiced that Jonathan was finally our [Acting] Head of State. We thought we had found our messiah. Little did we know that we were going from frying pan to fire. And now, I ask, what the hell does GEJ know about being a president? Turai may have as well led us. What’s the worst that could have happened, a terrorist group will rise and begin to kill its own people and face no punishment for its crimes? Oh, wait. That’s already happening. Everyday.
Welcome back, Dame Patience. While you were gone, shit happened. Glad to have you back. More shit can happen now. Four boys were killed in Aluu, Port Harcourt. We don’t know yet exactly what’s going on, but different stories keep popping up err’day. Some “suspects” were accosted for the crimes, and then, they were paraded around town by the police as the murderers of the boys. But I thought they were just suspects. Welcome back. Whatever would Nigeria do without you? Now, please, give us a speech. We need something to lift our spirits.
You see, Nigeria, you’re in good hands. Your president has the nerves to fly his wife out of the country for God-knows-why, not tell you – the Nigerian people – what happened to her, and then, just to harden the blow, she’s welcomed with a lavish celebration. Which way, Nigeria?
Do I need to ask what the frack she’s wearing, or should I leave that alone?
perhaps she went for adult Education English classes????
I doubt it. I just read a part of her alleged speech, and it was disheartening. I don’t think she learned anything. Lol.
What would naija do without her? lol..
A whole lot.
I’m glad she’s back o. She brought me some nice German chocolates.
Lool. In that case, can we share?
Buhahhahahahhahhaha. So wrong.
WTF though. “We are happy to receive you back.” Where in go in the first place….smh.
I guess it doesn’t matter where she went or what she went there to do. People are still happy to receive her back.
Lol. Very wrong indeed.
I must confess, the ‘your first lady’ in your title, had me up in mild arms. I kinda calmed down when you said ‘we’ in the next paragraph? I don’t really care about the first lady, she and Akpors are neck to neck in Nigeria’s local, unpublished Guinness book of world records. However shes my presidents wife, and while she may not be as articulate in English as the FLOTUS, which isn’t surprising, since its not her first language, she deserves some measure of respect . Whats my point? It will be a mistake to assume that because a small paid for crowd appeared at the NAIA, Abuja, that that is the trending mood in Nigeria. Far from it. We are glad that shes safe and out of harms way so that the president, who obviously loves her much, can focus more on strategic matters of import. We still agitate for the things that we need to stand in the comity of nations. Simple. That I am fighting my neighbor over a piece of land, would not prevent me from entering his compound when I hear his wife has a miscarriage. Excellent piece of writing btw, but I think your energy would have been better utilized on some other more useful topic. Just saying. Btw, I am dying to find out who Mr sHOES, Igwe looks like…..
Lulufa, really inknownthat this small crowd doesn’t represent the entirety of Nigeria. But it’s annoying to see them rejoicing that she’s back, seeing as she never said why she was even away, as for Mr. President focusing on what he needs to because his wife is back …… Abeg! Na today? All this time his wife has been around him, what has he done?
Seriously! Where people actually rejoicing that she is back?!!!! Smh! I guess she is back to resume her wife duties lol!
Nne, the thing tire me oh.
Vera, Vera, Vera Hmnnn, hmnnn, u don finish me with laffter….hehehee. Itr’s glad to have her back tho, thank God she’s well & good
Laugh all you want oh! Lol. See, I’m happy that she’s okay – whether in or out of Nigeria. But as the first lady of this great nation, I believe she owes Nigeria an explanation for why she has been away for the past two months.
@ Vera dear, I truly enjoy your blog but I Totally disagree with you on this post! You’ve not been in the country for about a decade! So you are* not in the best position to write about the situation in Nigeria! Forget all you read on paper