Wayment! Dwayne Wade Just Had A Baby — And Not With Gabrielle Union?

When I heard the news that Dwayne Wade had put a ring on Gabrielle’s finger, I didn’t think too much of it because for some reason, I thought they were already engaged.

I cannot tell you how many times I saw this famous picture of the ring on Gabrielle’s finger on Instagram. Chics were posting the picture talmbout “I love this ring … I cannot wait for my turn … My dream ring …” Haaa! Dream on. I’m yimuing all the way. Dream ring ko. You want to steal it??? Cockroach oh … lizard oh … crayfish sef … they all want the ring. Na so.

Anyway, my mouth was hanging wide open yesterday when I read that Dwayne Wade fathered a third baby with a woman who isn’t Gabrielle Union. Whaaaaaaa! From what I read, the conception happened when they were on a break from their relationship. How long was this break — and did condoms become a controlled substance at that time?

Igwe and I had a long conversation about this break (cause you know, Dwayne and Gabrielle really need to know our views on their relationship). According to Igwe, Dwayne Wade did nothing wrong, if the child was conceived when he and Gabrielle were on break. I agree that he did nothing wrong, if they were on break, but I only wonder why precaution wasn’t taken to avoid this. I’m saying this, of course, assuming that precaution wasn’t taken. It’s possible that precaution was taken but failed (and pulling out does not count as precaution/protection).

I try to be completely open minded, but I’m not quite there yet. I do not have what it takes to date a man who already has children. Not because of the children per se, but because of their mother. Essentially, there will always be a relationship between him and his ex, and that is a truth that I cannot live with. I have even less of what it takes to deal with a man who has a baby in the  middle of our relationship.

And that brings me to the next point: what the hell is a break??? You’re either in a relationship or you aren’t. I don’t know what it means for a couple to go on break. It makes things all kinds of complicated. I used to talk to a guy who said we should take a break. I agreed and started seeing someone else. Kpom kwem. It’s been about 8 years, and we are still technically on break. Na so I for siddon for water, soap go enter my eye. Break?? What is that?

Really, no relationship is perfect, and I’m writing this as someone looking from the outside (and not knowing these people sef). Still. Haba Dwayne. And one more thing I want to say: Dwayne Wade will be 32 on January 17th, and he was married to Siohvaughn Funches from 2002 to 2010 (8 years) and they had two children together, so that means he was married at the age of 20. But why?!?! The young man didn’t even get the chance to be a boy.

Well, whatever the case might be, I still like them as a couple. They are two very beautiful and very talented people in their respective fields. If there’s any lesson here for Gabrielle, it’s to never, ever, ever go on a break from Dwayne. Next time, he’ll be coming home with twins. Clearly, the man is shooting out some potent sperm. He might be the kind of man who only needs to put the head in, and voila, baby don happen. All that basket-balling is doing his seeds good.

P.S. But let’s look on the bright side: he and I are almost birthday mates. I’m January 14th. Hello, greatness!

UPDATE!!!

TMZ has revealed the name and face of Dwayne Wade’s baby momma. She is 30 year old Aja Metoyer. She had the baby on November 10th 2013, and his name is Xavier Zechariah Wade.  She has two other children with ‘Happy Endings’ star, Damon Wayans Jr.

Also, according to TMZ, Dwayne and Gabrielle were not actually on break when the child was conceived *one brow up* So what are you insinuating, TMZ?

These are certainly troubling times in the kingdom.