Remember That Time I Said I May Never Remarry?

Well, my friends and family are still not taking me seriously. They think that me saying I may never remarry it just a phase. And frankly, I do not blame them one hundred percent because I have slipped and caught myself making statements like, ‘When I get married,’ or ‘I want my traditional wedding to be ….” or ‘When my husband and I …”

So, I guess it’s not completely their fault for not taking me seriously. Also, with the rate at which I keep sending them pictures of beautiful black men, one cannot blame them for looking at me with furrowed brows and curious eyes. In my defense, I do scold myself when I catch myself speaking about my future marriage. In the spirit of being honest with you as always, I’ll confess that I may have actually prayed for him several times. My future husband, I mean. In my prayers, I do tell God that although I said what I said (when I said I might never remarry), that saying what I said does not cancel my right to pray my prayer as I see fit. After all, did He not say we should approach His throne with confidence?

But here’s the thing.  And really, I mentioned it in the first post where I mentioned that I might never remarry. I am not anti-marriage now. I do not now dislike or disbelieve in marriage because I do not think that marriage, itself, is the problem. I think people are the problem. I think that between miscommunications, inexperience, immaturity, unrealistic expectations and a host of other things, people ruin what should be the best time of their lives. So, it’s not that I am aversed to marriage itself, but that I have learned a lot about myself and what I desire in a partner, and I do not know if what I desire exists. 

While I do not invalidate their feelings, I personally do not relate to the women who say that their confidence or self-esteem is shattered after a divorce because mine went the opposite way (and it’s not even done going the opposite way). It’s like every day, I discover another reason why I’m fabulous, and consequently, what I am looking for in a partner automatically increases because, it would be rude not to match that same energy.

If marriage is in my future, I’d like the sexy man to start ‘saving’ his swimmers right now by not letting them out of his body in the first place, so that when we meet, they’ll be potent enough to aggressively fertilize one egg into two babies (because we are going to have these confusingly-identical twin boys!). Also, I like forhead kisses, scalp rubs, and earlobe nibbles.