The Olori of Ife just said some things that have left me speechless. Before the new Ooni of Ife was crowned, I had never heard of the Ooni of Ife. After his coronation, I remember watching a video of him talking about why it’s important for us to buy Nigerian. He talked about Nigerians not being proud of products that are made in Nigeria, and he basically said a lot of things that I liked and agreed with. I judged him as being a progressive king, a man in a traditional position who embraced culture with both eyes open. That was my judgment of him.
Then he got married, and although I did not pay much attention to the wedding or the celebration, I was happy that the Ooni had found a wife. [I didn’t know at the time that he had a wife already, but that’s beside the point]. I just loved his swag.
I heard a little while ago that he was coming to the US with his wife. It was hard to miss that news because it was everywhere. I cannot count how many times I received the message on What’s App. Although he was in my neck of the woods (Maryland), I just didn’t go. I saw several clips of him on Facebook/YouTube, and I was happy that it was him because I was sure he would come here and make us proud, that he would not come and act like Americans are demi-gods, but that he would stand tall in all his Nigerianess. I don’t think he disappointed (unless there’s a clip of him disappointing us that I have not seen).
Olori of Ife
The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for his wife, the Olori. Let’s just say I respected her a whole lot more before I heard her speak. According to the Olori, she is not in support of gender equality. But the Olori was wrong.
Why The Olori of Ife was wrong about gender equality:
1. She said, “We can’t be equal; we can’t be men; we have our roles to play,” – But gender equality is NOT about women wanting to be men. In spite of what society tells us these days, it is actually impossible for a man to be become a woman, or for a woman to become a man.
2. She said people who believe in gender equality think that what a man can do, a woman can do better: But again, gender equality is NOT about women doing what men can do. To reduce gender equality to being about who can do what better is to insult every brave woman that has been championing the cause of women.
3. She said we (women) are limiting our potential of where we can be by saying that we are equal to men: Huh??? So women would go further if they just concede to being inferior to men?
4. She said she doesn’t say to her husband that she wants to be king and hold his staff because he’s the king and she’s the queen: Errrr, duh. Of course, you cannot want to be king because you are not king! The Ooni of Ife is king because of who he is and the family he’s from. The people (or the Force) chose him to be king. She’s his wife. Saying she wants to be king based on her gender is not even an option.
5. She said women need to stay in their lane because when they leave their lane to be in someone else’s lane, two things will happen; they will either be behind or in front of the person: Before nko? When you switch lanes, do you climb on top of the person in the next lane? You automatically have to be in front or behind. Anything else would be a vehicular accident.
6. She said men are hunters by nature, so there’s always a tendency for them to be ahead of us: What does being a hunter by nature have to do with gender equality? What are they hunting sef? When a man gets paid more than his female colleague who does the same work as him, it’s because his employer is bastard baby, not because the man is a hunter.
7. She said women are a force of nature and can do just about anything: This is a contradiction to everything she said previously. She said women cannot be equal to men. So how are we supposed to do everything if we cannot even be equal?
8. And the one wey pain me pass was when she said that relationships and marriages are breaking because women want to be men and are taking roles that aren’t theirs: No, ma’am! That is not why marriages are breaking. Marriages are breaking because women are learning that they do not have to die there. We still have a long way to go, but some women are determined to not live the lives of their mothers. Our mothers and grandmothers were enslaved and tortured in the name of marriage. Some of them were beaten and killed physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially, and although they saw it coming from hundred miles away, they did not leave because they did not know they could leave. Some women today have chosen to not die there, and their men cannot take it. Kpom Kwem.
What the Olori of Ife needs to understand is that she’s only able to stand there and hold that mic because some women have gone before her to make it possible. If not for the actions of those women, she will simply be seen and not heard because women have nothing to say. Does she even know how many African-American women were raped and killed for her to be able to stand there and talk?
What the Olori of Ife needs to understand is that whether a woman decides to kneel down to serve her man everyday, or whether she decides to throw the food at him does not have a bearing on the gender equality movement. What a woman chooses to do in her home does not further or hinder the cause of gender equality.
What the Olori of Ife needs to understand is what gender equality really means: it means that when Simbi and Eze have the same qualification and both work for Verastic LLC, doing the same job, they should both get paid the same amount. Eze should not get paid more simply because he has a piece of muscle between his legs.
What the Olori of Ife needs to know is that women are already doing this supposed thing that men do. How many families have women as breadwinners? I remember my neighbors in our former house in Nigeria. They had six or seven children, and I never knew that man to have a job. His wife, however, woke up early every morning and carried kunu on her head to the market, and she made the best damn kunu. But who got all the glory? He did. Because he was a man. What lane was he on when he left his wife do all the heavy lifting?
A little while ago, we did not know who this woman was; today, she’s the Olori, a woman in position of power. What she says, while rejected by some (*cough* me), will be bought hook, line, and sinker by others. Somewhere right now, there’s a woman dumbing herself down, killing her ambitions, and settling for the life she never wanted – all in the name of staying in her lane.
Like my beautiful African-Americans say, “stay woke!” Stay woke, ladies. Think. Think critically about the things you do with your life, so you do not enter one chance. I do not blame the Olori of Ife for saying what she said because she cannot give what she does not have, but it will not hurt for her to learn what gender equality (and feminism) really mean. I know she did not say these things to mislead women, but because that is unfortunately all that she knows. We, as a gender and as a nation, need to know more.
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Excellent piece, I am learning.
Altohugh I am not a nigerian.i was deeply offended when i watched this vidoe. Women like are just slapping women who have battled and stood up to inequality in life. Igonrance and lack of knowlegde is what misleads a lot of people on what Gender equality is about and that of feminism. You said it all. ibeleive we as african women have a lot of growing and maturing to do in this world if not we will be each others biggest rivals on this Gender equality thing.
OMG! Thank God I didn’t watch that video, i would have been sooooo pissed! I saw the article somewhere with the title and I was like – rubbish! and thanks for confirming it. Like you said, you can’t give what you don’t have and its rather unfornate that she’s in a position of power and she’s misusing it like that.
Well said Vera!
People have certainly got the wrong idea about what true feminism is about. They think all feminists are butch, bra-burning, lesbians with a serious case of d**k envy. They don’t see the little injustices that we deal with everyday. A very obvious one is the gender pay gap which, gasp, exists even in some of the more advanced countries. It’s in the inheritance laws in some parts of Nigeria or in the way some cultures treat widows and so on. Some people need an education, sigh!
Wonderful piece Vera! Clearly she doesn’t understand what gender equality really means.
She is a learner.
Lmao @Peju
She is a learner!!!!!
The Olori, with all due respect misplaced the terminology “gender equality” in her speech and so Vera is quite right to call her out on that. Her team (if she has one) should have told her that her speech, however interesting and loaded with subtle facts about the differences between men and women should have been better labeled.
That being said, the Olori does make valuable points that people who have also misunderstood the concept of gender equality to mean…”what a man can do, a woman can do better”, should take note of. She is right in that a lot of marriages and relationships are suffering because there are loads of misplaced ideologies and roles in homes today. Couples and kids are confused as to why there is a mum and dad in the picture. Definitions of father and mother, husband and wife, men and women have sometimes been misconstrued by society and the couples themselves.
Yours is the only sensible comment here. The olori’s issue is mainly semantics than anything. Moreso her message is apt for those in her circles. Vera as a keen blogger ought to know this.
Your comment is actually on point. I do not think that the olori is totally ‘dumb’ as some people are making her out to be but I think she misused some terms and perhaps has a limited definition of some terms too. Actually, we mostly relate with issues based on what we see, hear, imagine, read or experience so the olori’s views are perhaps informed by issues that she sees regularly. And YES to some people how you choose to relate with your husband is a part of their own clamour for gender equality.I think Vera (of course she might have heard some) needs to actually see what people do in the name of ‘feminism’ and ‘gender equality’. For instance, there are actually women who do not see gender equality in the light that Vera is seeing it here. I have been at talks where people ‘murder’ what feminism and gender equality could and should mean. Some (and I mean some women) see feminism as a clamour for men to be treated as inferior to men or as being men (extreme feminists we call them). Such misuse and misinterpretations limit the powerful creations that women are. The glory of a woman is actually in being a woman (and by this I do not mean the type of woman that remains in an abusive relationship or sells herself for cash or limits herself). I mean a woman should always set out to discover/explore her abilities and wisely build her world; only dumb men will berate such women. And (looking at my wife) I agree that women are very powerful and a force of nature and can do about anything…I mean ANYTHING. That awesome woman (I mean my wife) keeps me on my toes meen! I mean I have to always strive to be the best at what I do or I will not be worth such a lady. So… dont kill Olori ooo, its just as Stace rightly puts it, a case of misuse/misinterpretation of terms and her advisers should have known better.
Girl, Vera, u rocked my world with this piece. First of all, I will ignore all but number 8. Like Vera said, you can not give what you don’t have. My question for her: Is she saying gender equality is the reason she is on husband number 3? I’m just curious to know. I’m so disappointed in her comments. people all over the world now will view us as the same. We are not all like her. Some of us have sense. I respect her title but not her person.
Trust you to say it as it is. I don’t think this ignorant woman knows the amount of girl children being denied education because they are girls. The many girls all over the world being mutilated and abused because they are the XY chromosome. If earlier feminists had subscribed to this stupidity, she would not be able to drive, or talk, or go to school, or be able to vote. In fact there is probably still one more country in 2016 in this world, where women are not allowed to vote. I just can’t. i can’t with this level of idiocy.
Guuuuuuuuuurl!!….I am glad someone else shares my sentiments on her speech! Is this how she is going to lead the women in the village who might come to her for guidance? ??….oh how we get gender equality so mixed up with “disrespecting your man”
Beautiful beautiful writeup Vera. You speak my mind… it’s unfortunate that everyone is given a microphone in Nigeria before the wisdom of their message is reviewed.
I agree with everything the Olori said. Deep deep down those women who call her names and deny the truth of what she is saying know in their heart of hearts that she is right. She is saying that we have DIFFERENT roles to play and she is 100 percent correct. We have been lied to , deceived greatly by this ‘gender equality’ agenda. It set out with seemingly innocent, noble goals to uplift women but now, it has destroyed the foundations of the family and seeks every opportunity to enshrine and entrench values that destroy relations between man woman and family. The Olori said what a lot of people have been silently thinking. I just read on BellaNaija that a ‘gender equality ‘ group stopped women from being awarded prizes for remaining virgins until graduation. For an agenda that ‘seeks to uplift’ women , is remaining a virgin for a part of one’s adult life a sin? Is it not noble? Is it not God fearing? Had the goal been to insult men and make women believe that they are more masculine that God made them am sure ‘gender group’ would have had no problems supporting it. The Olori is speaking the truth.And every woman who using ashamed to admit she is a woman knows that.
Not ashamed to admit she is a woman I mean
Hi Vera I was going to give a very long post about gender equality but I decided not to cos I am lazy, now that being said I would like to say that it shouldn’t even be termed gender equality cos true gender equality can never be achieved instead I think it should be termed the fight for women’s right or something along those lines. Put simply I would join the army fighting for women’s rights but not the one fighting for gender equality (might even fight against it). Finally I could be wrong but I don’t think the women who fought for the right to vote were fighting for gender equality I would like to think that they were fighting for women rights instead but then again I could be wrong, I don’t know that much but this is my view on the matter
I hope fully understand gender equality some day
To the best of my knowledge we are equal both male n female but we are very very different … I am a mummy to be and this make me understand how different male n female are, I am the one going through the pregnancy, which is a lot n a lot more for some other women and husband or the male man, is not, the man can’t and wouldn’t understand or experience it as much as the hubs seem involved, he will never understand life during and after pregnancy, this this my major take on male and female gender issues, I run a business were I employ young male n female especially under graduate, I never have any reason to pay any of my female staff less because she is a woman, that thought never cross my mind, I treat both sex equally or else when they are on their period or pregnant… and in my honest opinion women are way smarter