Being Nigerian: The Sex Tape Edition

Do you watch Scandal? This episode is inspired by Scandal. Well, during the episode, Like Father, Like Daughter (Season 4, Episode 4), the President’s daughter, Karen filmed a sex tape with two boys. When her father found out, he wanted to know if she was forced, if she was raped, etc. She confidently said that she was not raped, and that she was alert the entire time and knew what she was doing. But when she spoke to her mom, her mom said (I’m paraphrasing) that she understood why she made the sex tape, that she knew that Karen was hurting from losing her brother, Jerry, etc.

One thing came to my mind while I listened to the conversation between First Lady, Mellie and her daughter, Karen: what if they were Nigerian? Or better yet, what if I was Karen? First of all, my father would beat me black and blue before even bothering to ask if I was raped. I’m not saying that this would have been the right reaction, but I’m pretty sure that that is what will happen. And when I do tell him that it was rape, he would have first asked, “What were you doing while you were being raped?” Again, not the right reaction, but probably what would have happened.

If you’re American and reading this blog and you are tempted to tell me that Nigerians are mean or whatever it is, just save your thought. And if you’re Nigerian and you want to defend Nigeria/Nigerians by saying that your own father was nice and would have never done that, that’s cool, and you can save your thought, too. This is a hypothetical post, so your point will be moot.

As I was saying, my mom and I never had the sex talk, and neither did I have it with my dad. No one ever said anything to me. The most I was told was that if I had sex, I would get pregnant, and they would stop paying my school fees, and I would become a pepper seller. Both of my parents are medical doctors who studied abroad, and they – especially my dad – always make it a point to tell me that they did so well in school (and always came first) and were able to get scholarships to study abroad. So I have no excuse. I always shudder when I imagine the conversation between me and my parents when I become pregnant. How will I tell them? I’ll be so shy! My point is, if I cannot tell them that I am pregnant (as a grown ass woman oh!) how will I tell them (as a teenager) that I willingly and purposely had sex with two boys AND taped it. If our own daughter were to do this, Igwe would ask her what size of coffin she prefers because she’s about to get into one.

I always find it fascinating, the cultural differences between Americans and Nigerians (and Africans). I honestly believe that Americans are way too emotional. People cannot even fully condemn an act because there’s always some allegedly logical (and emotional) reason behind the bullshit. Example, my parents beat me when I was young … or my mom never told me she loved me … or my father never hugged me … etc. Yes, these are all horrible, but are you the only one?? And at what point are you no longer allowed to use that as an excuse? Moving on isn’t only for breakups. It’s generally for life, to. All that being said, Nigerians are not emotional enough. Some of us don’t know how to be empathetic. We don’t know how to see the big picture. All that matters is what we have been told to be right, all else can go f*ck themselves. I have been favored because I didn’t grow up starving for love and affection from my parents. I was/am their only child and saying “I love you” was so normal. Kissing each was very normal. I used to think it was normal everywhere until my friends from school came to my house and told me that my family was strange. I digress.

All I know is that under no circumstance will my parents react the way Mellie did in this episode of Scandal. And under no circumstance will I open my mouth and tell my parents that I deliberately had sex with two boys and filmed it. That would be the end of life as I know it. And just to be clear, I will never react like Mellie either. Like my people will say, dem no born the daughter wey go try am! My daughter must be high on something good to do something crazy like that AND admit to it, too. I will beat the living daylights out of her. Yes, I said it, America, I will beat her.

See the Scandal episode here