I think every woman must have her list of lies that men told her. Whether she believed them or not is a totally different issue. Men, I know, must have their own lies that were told to them by women, but I’m a female blogger, so what do I care about the lies that were not told to me (or my specie)?
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Lies I Believed
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Lies I Did Not Believe
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“You’re my one and only” –> I wasn’t. He was actually engaged. It’s a long story. Technically, however, he was not cheating on me. We’re now very good friends.
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“I’ll trek to Africa for you” –> Of course, you would. Start trekking.
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“I swear on my mother’s life, I did not get any woman pregnant.” –> He lied. But his mother is still alive.
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“I’m going to take you to the promised land” –> I still don’t know if he meant it literally or figuratively.
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“That was my last cigarette. I quit smoking for you.” –> Oh, the good ol’ days when I used to think I could change a man.
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“You know you’re actually lucky that I’m into you.” –> Lucky?? I was insulted that he was into me.
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“I’m 33. I’ll be 34 next year.” –> Yeah, more like, I’m 39. I’ll be 40 this year.
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“I told my aunt about you. She cannot wait to meet you!” –> Heck, if I care about you and your aunt. Screw you both.
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“I wish I could spoil you.” –> As I’ve come to find out, ‘spoil’ is relative.
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“I’m not going to let it go in all the way. I just want the head to go in, that’s all….and I’ll be there for only two seconds.” –> Do I really need to tell you what this conversation was about?
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“We’re just friends.” –> … that occasionally bone each other.
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“So many girls like me, but you’re the only one I love.” –> I don’t know which part I doubted more: the part about so many girls liking him, or the part about him loving only me.
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“You’re like a sister to me.” –> I was treated like anything but a sister.
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“I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.” –> That’s what I said to the snail before I cut off its eyes.
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“I’m sorry. I’m a changed man now. Please forgive me.” –> Well, he did change — for about 48 hours.
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“I’m not saying I want to date you. I really just want to be friends.” –> But I said I don’t want to be friends.
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“I’m jealous because I love you.” –> More like I’m envious, bitter, and angry because I am obsessed with you — and I have a low self esteem to boot.
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“I don’t want to have sex with you. I want to make love to you.” –> Oh! Is this the one where you don’t have to enter me at all?
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“I love you.” –> I’ve fallen for this more times than I care to count.
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“I love you.” –> But there are those times I just knew they were lies.
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I chose to blog about this now because on Saturday, May 22nd 2010, the topic for discussion on the Verastically Speakin’ Talk Radio is “In The Name Of All Things Men.” You thought I was going to say, Lies Men Told Me, huh? Well, we’ll be talking about issues related to men, and as you can imagine, lies they have told fall right under there. I’ll be co-hosting with and Bdon, and according to , he’ll be coming to face the “firing squad.”
This may be hard to believe, but there are actually positive things to discuss when we talk about men. Naturally, none of these positive things come to mind right now, but I’m almost completely certain that they do exist J
Join me on Saturday morning (at 10am U.S. Eastern Time/ 3pm Nigerian Time). Let’s iron these issues out. Listen here | Call in 1.646.929.1905 | E-mail thoughts,questions, and ideas about this show to radio@verastic.com | Call/text me if you have questions 1.443.934.9039 | Follow me on Twitter | Connect on Facebook.
First!
Now to actually read this. We should start a meme. The "Things (Lies) Men Have Told Me" meme. lol
The thing I find the most interesting is that it appears that many women have that one "sexual encounter" episode. Where the guy tried to con his way into "the promised land" with some lame story/excuse like "I'll only rub the tip", "it'll be for 2 seconds promise", or "we don't have to wear a condom I wont be in there long".
I have always wondered if there are actually females that fall for that bs. I mean there have to be, otherwise the guys wouldn't try it. Right? Na wah oh!
rotf. omg. this is so gr8. i hope d guys r readin.
im almost scared to compile my list…
lol – interesting read. BOYs! Boys!!! Chei! Ladies too prefer to be lied to. Thats one thing I have noticed. lol
– LDP
Hmm, I've told a few of those lies before, (un)fortunately. And they worked 😀
Don't blame the player 😉
Hehe….This is interesting!!Thank goodness Im innocent(I guess its bcos Im scared of ladies!)
even if the girl has cotton wool in her brains was she meant to believe the 'rubbing the tip'…mschiewww….
ha!!!! men…
LMAO @ “I’m not going to let it go in all the way. I just want the head to go in, that’s all….and I’ll be there for only two seconds.”
i can totally relate with “I’m jealous because I love you.” –> More like I’m envious, bitter, and angry because I am obsessed with you — and I have a low self esteem to boot.
Okay I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing!lol but I've not been majorly lied to by a man…maybe because from the get go they know where I stand with lies and they know how errr dangerous I can be if pushed(hmmm NoLimit)…so they back off before they get hurt…plus it kinda helps that I can sniff a loser from a major distance regardless of what designer clothing he adorns himself with!…I am of the opinion that you hear what you want to hear o…but when I hear of some major lies men have told women,I can only assume that the men that told this "unique" lies are weaklings and as such pathetic excuses for men…
The men in my life errr hardly lie…(I hope!lol)…they tell you as it is…it is now up to you to do what you want to do with it :)…hopefully I'll get to call in on saturday cēterīs paribus
LOL @ EDJ. If we start a meme about this topic it would be brutal! Vera, I shall be there Saturday afternoon!
My biggest lie was "you're my girlfriend." I was actually the extra, his real girlfriend was in another city. Didn't have a clue until I bumped into her on a night out.
lol.. i think i justs aw the end to my writers block. oh the stories.
Oh Vera, I look out for you each day! Oh to once again see that face of yours online!
LMAO!!!!
Will be listening in to the show! hehe!
Haha!! This will actually be a very fun conversation! Can't wait!
~x~
Thank the lord Jesus for dumb girls. All these worked.
"Lets compromise. I'll put it in 2 and a half times and call it quits. I promise" [poker face]
"Chidebere, that'll be the name of our first son" lol
"Don't even think I'm interested in anything funny. I'll sleep on the couch" Riiiiight
"You look stiff, lemme give you a shoulder massage" shoulders don't stretch down to the buttcheeks?
"I dreamt of you yesterday"
"You know what? Lets get married" Couldn't help it. Was too close2d #$$&.
"But my di@k's all stood up now, whatever are we going to do about it?"
yeah lets BRAINstorm on that one
"You keep saying leave it in your pants, I can't suppress this love I have for you 4ever"
"Sorry, I know men shouldn't cry, but you know how I feel about you" Got2b careful with this one, but If she's emotionally handicapped she'll cuddle u like a big teddy
WOW @ Enabled. Those worked? This is so annoying. Who falls for:
""But my di@k's all stood up now, whatever are we going to do about it?"
"Lets compromise. I'll put it in 2 and a half times and call it quits. I promise".
I say the females who fell for that were just LOOKING for an excuse to do it anyway. You gave them the justification they needed by suggesting your "alternatives" but ultimately they wanted to do what they did.
The alternative to my theory is that these females are REALLY that naive and I TRULY refuse to believe that.
LOL…I've heard some of the same lies many times before!
Poor you falling for "I love you."
LOL @ "spoil" is relative. It is o…
and "He did change for 48 hours"…is that what he calls "change?"
LOL @ Start trekking to Africa. What a silly hilarious line. Where did he get that from?
The show should be interesting…I love the men I love sha! (so much "love" in that line).
i think i am officialy due to resume my screaming on the show….. I will be there live and direct on saturday…..
So many freaking lies……
Ladies lets stop being gullible please and lets call a spade a damn SPADE.
LOL Vera no go kill me! He will trek to Africa ko!
Once upon a time, an ex begged me to get back together, after crying oh, kneeling down in front of my house making a scene and camping out at my window( My room is in the basement) .. Then told me to go and die because I wasn't worth it anyways. Okay o! If I wasn't why did you do all that? Then he'd beg some more and then curse me some more. LMAO. I tell you eh.. Persin don see things
I may be late but I'll surely tune in, that Enabled guy sure has some experience. I fell for I love you and so much more, lol…
YAY!!!!!! Ze Verastic show is bizzack!
Ngwa madam you didn't tell us u were graduating so we won't come and eat okwaya? I see that's how it is now.
You know this post will not have been complete without that "let me put the head in" #swindle Biggest #swindle of ALL time.
I'd love to hear the men defend themselves, therefore i shall tune in on saturday.
EDJ: LOL @ the meme. That would be endless …. and dangerous! Imagine the possibilities! Per the sex encounter, yes indeed, most women seem to have had that encounter at least once. More brownie points if you've had it more than once — with different guys. LOL.
Rayo: Be not afraid! Compile that list sharp sharp. Please, amuse us. We gorra gorra read 🙂
Le Dynamique Professeur: You know what? I wish I could say you're wrong, but you're right. We do like lies — even if we don't know it. I can only hope that I have matured past that.
Not Baroka: Interesting name. LOL. And I bet I can just guess which lies you told. Naughty, naughty you!
Ono Edosio: You, scared of ladies? Hmmph! That's a hard pill to swallow oh. I have a hard time believing that.
DownTheAisle: Nne, I don't know oh! Every time I tell that story, I can't stop laughing. He only wanted the head… lol.
Doll: You can relate, huh? Yes oh! You know, the good thing is that all these experiences prepare us better for next time. No?
No Limit: Hmmmmmmmmmph! Are you sure?? I have learned not to speak so surely on behalf of anyone. Are you sure they don't lie to you — or have you just not caught them in in their lies?
Caramel: LOL! You know, I still haven't figured out if I was this certain guy's gf or extra. It doesn't matter anymore. LOL. At this point, I just wish I could even erase him from my history sef. Tough luck. LOL. So, how did it feel being the extra? Tehehe.
Reverence: Yay!! Now, aren't you glad you have me in your life? I mean, what would you do without me? *wink, wink*
Seye: LOL! Is this another lie? Hahahaha Anyway, you know where to find me na! You don't have to wait to catch me online 🙂
Seriously Vera you need to do a piece on guys' phobia for condoms. Maybe a poll?
Mostly, we can take steps to prevent falling for the "let's have unprotected sex" line
1. Buy and always bring your OWN condoms (and no it doesn't make you a slut).
2. If he starts whining about the pleasure, there are very many (seriously plenty) pleasure enhancing condoms and lubricants for both of you to choose from. Find out which ones work for both of you.
3. Consider female condoms too although they could be a hassle the advantage is it will be entirely your decision not his.
4. Put the condoms on him yourself "sexily" and distract him with other "sexy" things (boobs are awesome distractors)
5. Learn to be as guiling as a man tell him it's only for that occasion. Blackmail him with his own words i.e. if you love me…
Basically take charge of your own sex life. Fin.
hahahahahahaha! Oh Vera! See you Saturday! Congrats on your Grad by the way!
lmao @ this post…so you and nicey plan together to start off our weekend with lafta..as weird and silly as they sounded, they were still funny.
the 'put in the tip only' is classic', i'm sure most women have heard that at some point
and the 'jealousy' one -so true!
"…and I’ll be there for only two seconds…" like WTF??? Very annoying something…
"You’re like a sister to me."
chai! Mmadu don suffer oh, ehn…
“That was my last cigarette. I quit smoking for you.”
ah that line! My ex used it..Only for me to find out he never quit…from him!
bahahahaha…i literally laughed out loud!!
Smh @ all those lies o
I laughed and saw some that I fell for too really…
heading over to listen to the show ;-))
The lies I've believed in are too much for me to count.. lets just say I'm gulible with a big G!
Bob-Ij: It was indeed. Did you make it?
Enabled: You're on your own oh … thanking Jesus for dumb girls. That said, I'll just say that it's rather unfortunate that they fell (and some of us continue to fall) for lies. With time, I hope, we will all learn.
EDJ: That makes sense … that the ladies wanted to do that anyway…. cause come on, these lies are too white to not be seen.
Blowing Blessings: Haven't we all? LOL.
Jaycee: Ah, yes ooo! "Spoil" is soooooo relative. LOL. I have learned that the hard way. Next time a man tells me that, I'll know not to get giddy. Per the 'I love you' one, yeah, I know … poor me 🙁
Funmie: Yeah, thanks a lot for calling in and shouting as usual. What would we do without you? LOL. Babe, I hope you're not planning on running for office with all this shouting you've been doing oh???
Nice Anon: LOL. I can imagine the madness and commotion. Could it have been too much love? Haha!
Myne Whitman: I think most girls fell for 'I love you' at least once in their life. Were you able to listen to the show?
Mizchif: Nne, no be like that oh!!! Ehm…. *coughs* In short, too many things have been going on jare. The thing wey I dey eye, gon gon, I never get am, but it's all good. Indeed, that sex thing is the biggest swindle of all time!!! I must warn my daughters against it. They must not fall!!!
Mogaji: I'm torn. I want to preach abstinence, though I know it's the road less-traveled these days. Still, I want to tell people to just fashy sex because it's underrated, because the trip is not worth the gas, etc, but at the same time, I wanna tell people to use condoms, if they must. I don't know how to preach such a message without pulling my hair out of my scalp. Clues?
Ms. O: Thanks, darling!!! Wait oh, did I see you today?? I don't remember your presence in the chat room oh … hmmmm. Abi am I getting confused?
His Treasure: Right???? I'm glad I'm not the only one who experienced the jealousy one. Imagine the likeness! And that time, I used to blush oh — whenever he said he was jealous because he loved me #HISS
Aeedeeaee: LOL @ your ex never quitting. Well, now you know! LOL. Now, if I were to meet a smoker today, he better not dare promise to quit smoking for me, or else, I fit gbosa his face with the anger of the other guy's lie. LOL.
Leggy: Continue laughing at your sister's trials oh! LOL.
Azazel: You're shaking your head ehn? Instead of you to be saying, "Yes, all men suck …" LOL.
My World: I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who fell for these lies. We plenty for this world o
2Cute4U: You know the funny thing? I would never have thought as myself as a gullible chic, but looking back on it now, I'm beginning to wonder … or maybe it's because I'm now older (and hopefully wiser) that I'm looking back and feeling I was gullible then. Oh, well. Whatever the case might be, you're not alone 🙂
As usual, amazing post…how apt.
Would we be ladies, women again if we don't believe these lies?
Funny enough, I believe there are more lies that we still believe everyday..
Its just that with each grade, the lies become more sophisticated and conning.
hahahahaha…..so many lies i have believed…..
Very interesting read! I must not add my own to this cuz it will be too long! lol
But I am not sure I agree with LDP o, I we talking about matured women being lied to or from day one many innocent young girls believing the lies to be the truth without knowing they were being lied to. And you Vera, you agreed with him? Lies will not be lies anymore if we know we are being lied to and we chose to accept them na.
So I have this question since every woman/girl who's read this have said that they've heard the "let me rub it a little/let me put it in for two seconds" lie once or the other.
The question is: "What exactly were you doing when this question was popped?" Cos I'm VERY sure that it didn't come while you were sitting down at Starbucks sipping grande latte over a very berry cake.
A follow up to that of course would be: "Is it technically a lie, or a way to advance what you have already started?"
Oya, make we yarn 🙂
@ NOT BAROKA 😀
i'M positive those words came after "NO" which may have come after "Let's 'make love'/have sex/shag" which could've been said during an innocent dinner for two in front of the tube or in a chinese restaurant…"People" have become quite blatant about these matters ya know…
Mine happened eating cake and ice cream while were watching some bollywood flick…
We don dey yarn?
I swear, every woman has been told dat 'I just want d tip 2 go in blah blah blah'. I mean, even reading it here, don't dis men cringe wit shame???
I had an ex who was like 'so many women like me' shit. I told him 'so many women, eh? hmmm, real or imagine?'. He said I've bad mouth. Abi na bcuz say I agreed 2 date u, cos say I dey look @ ur potentials (I stopped dat shit joo. If he's not good enof now, he'll never b good enof), na em make u equate urself 2 Brad Pitt! Yeye!
Nne, how Mr. Shoes sef? I don tey I reach ur page. Still having issues tuning in 2 ur radio o.
– FFF
Hey, am back online & kicking butts @ http://www.flourishingflorida.net
sorry I'm just commenting now.. but you just know there are somany gullible ladies out there, who actually believe men can't lie.. lol.. O dear!!
The show was really awsome, keep on the great work vera vera..
“You’re my one and only” –> I wasn’t. He was actually engaged. It’s a long story. Technically, however, he was not cheating on me. We’re now very good friends"
If he id not cheat on you, he sure must have cheated on her