My husband left me in 1975. Told me he needed space. What did I do I find if with a 14 and he left me for her. I got upset applied for divorce married another person day after my divorce. It has been 41 years to this person but i still want my first husband back. Am I crazy. I dream about him. I love him so much and I dream about him all the time. Should I tell him this?
My dear,
I’m not completely understanding your email. It sounds like you’re saying that your husband left you for a 14-year old in 1975. Or did you mean to say 24-year old? Possible pedophilia aside, I have to answer this honestly as if you are my best friend. My response, therefore, is yes, I definitely think you are crazy. A man who marries you and then abandons you and his commitment to you is not a man of noble character. In my opinion, he is not a man I would want to be married to or associated with. And if he’s been gone for 41 years while another man has – presumably – loved you and been there for you, then it’s even crazier to go back to him.
Not that it should matter, but you made no mention of how this ex-husband feels about you. Does he feel the same way about you? Is he apologetic (and repentant) of his previous major ball-dropping? People change, and 41 years is a long time for him to change (and I don’t anticipate that he’s the same man – hopefully), but has he changed? Search within yourself and ask yourself what it is that is pulling you back to him. Could this be a case of unfinished business/lack of closure? Are you wanting him now because you cannot have him? Are you bored in your marriage and just needing a new, exciting adventure? What is it that really compels this longing you have for him?
As your virtual friend, my answer is NO. Stay away from him. But ultimately, the decision is yours to make. Goodluck!
Sweet Potatoes, please sound off in the comments.
Hmmmmm. Me I am not understanding this story oh. This is what happens when they start calling your name somewhere in the night. Mayve the ex husband has given her something to eat because if you want to leave your husband of 41 years for the man who cheated on you, then sit is just not narural
The aboveboard sweet potatoes gas said it all… WTH?! After 41yrs of marriage to another person. The first one is NULL and void. Better yet. It never happened. Just a blip on the radar 😂
She needs to go for deliverance.
I will have to agree with sweet potato. This is not love at all. This is lust on another level.
I think she’s just looking for closure and her idea of closure is a crazy one. I think she just feels the need to prove to him that he’s missing out because he left her so she wants to go back to him and show him what he’s missing and then leave him so she can feel better about herself and so he can know what it feels like to be abandoned. In the long run, she’s just going to hurt her current husband.
The message was quite incoherent but I agree with Vera: I don’t think you should go back to him. I understand that your happiness is paramount, but someone else has committed to you for 41 years, and except you left out something terrible your current husband does or has done, I believe you owe it to him to be the best possible wife you can be. Indeed people “change” but 41 years is a VERY long time and so much water has passed under the bridge. I would advice you do all you try to make this current marriage work. Ultimately though, the decision is yours and yours alone.
I don’t know why after being with someone for 41 years a previous relationship, especially one that ended in such a disrespectful way, would crop up. My advice, that ship sailed and they don’t even have the same type of ship except in museums. Just let it go.
I am not understanding this mummy o
Please ma, don’t be a fool at 60. Forget your ex.
On the surface, its not so so crazy that you’d be pining for your “first love” especially since there wasn’t any real closure there. What i’m concerned about is actually attempting to go for it and not seeing this for what it actually is. (Unless like Vera said there’s something current hubby is/isn’t doing and former hubby has popped back into the picture.)
Likewise, if you’ve been married for 41+ years in addition to your first marriage, you’ve got to be in your 60s at least which is old enough to know better than what you are proposing here. #noshade
There is a stronghold the past tends to hold on us.
I’m pretty sure this didn’t start today. Whatever you give attention to grows.
Dear poster, do you have children? Or grandchildren?
Did the man come begging? Did your current husband maltreat you?
Answering these questions will help us understand..
However, whatever you do, don’t go back to your ex husband. Trust me, the leopard does not lose its spots. Love your husband and move on.