*Mail has been edited for spelling and grammar*
Dear Vera, I’m a long time
I’m a long time reader of your blog and we know each other through a mutual friend. And that’s why I have to send this email anonymously. I need objective advice on a crisis I’m dealing with. Please share this with your Sweet Potatoes too.
I’m advanced in age (close to 40) and still single and childless. All of my friends are either married or have children. Honestly, I want to be married, but I have not met the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, or God forbid have a child with. You may not agree with me, but Nigerian women are crazy. The ones in America are just mental. Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.
Although to be honest, I did have a girl in the past that I should have married, but I thought I could do better. Now she’s married with two children and she seems to be happy from what I can see on her Instagram.
Sorry for the long story. Now the crisis I’m facing is that a friend of a friend has a wife who wants me badly. They don’t have any children and she says it’s because there is something medically wrong with him. Vera, this woman is dying for me. She wants me bad. I mean bad.
Although I am not friends with her husband, I still don’t feel right sleeping with another man’s wife. I have done this in the past but not with this particular woman. At that time, I was young and I did not care. I was just having fun. This time, I’m actually interested in this woman. She is someone I could have dated. Actually, she reminds me a lot of you or maybe it’s you that reminds me of her.
This woman disturbs me every day, sends me very suggestive text messages and naked pictures. I don’t know who told her that I love women’s thighs especially the ones that are yellow and not thin. I cannot tell you what I dream of doing inside this woman’s thighs. I have never gotten so hard for a common picture. I keep turning her down but I’m getting weaker by the moment.
She knows where I work and it’s only a matter of time before she finds my house, and if she shows up to my house, it is finished. I cannot resist her there. I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do?
I cannot say that I love her because I don’t know. I’m not a kid anymore. Maybe it’s just lust. But she’s so intelligent and beautiful. My question is should I just stop fighting and do what my body is dying to do? Also, she wants to have my baby. She says she’s ready to leave her husband once I accept her but I don’t know, Vera. I cannot share with any of my friends because they all know her, and in case she becomes my lady or my wife, I don’t want my friends to be looking at her as an asewo [prostitute].
To make matters worse, we go to the same church. I have started avoiding church because when I’m in church, the only thing I can think about is me between her fresh thighs.
Please help your brother out.
Dear Brother,
This one is tough oh! In fact, it’s very messy. I discussed this with Igwe and we have different responses. I’ll start with mine first. As for me, I am completely against sleeping with a married person, especially when they’re still actively married. If she was at least separated or in the process of divorce, I’d still say no, but it won’t be such a hard no.
I can only imagine how difficult it is for you to be so strongly pursued by a woman who you are actively interested in, and if you were to eventually give in, I suppose the court of public opinion might be favorable to you. Still, I’d say don’t give in. If this woman is so unhappy in her marriage, then ideally, she should walk out and then search for greener pastures.
Her insistence on getting a guarantee from you before leaving a situation she does not want to be in suggests to me that she wants to eat her cake and have it back. It also suggests to me that she does not understand how marriage and commitment work. If she does not want her current husband, she should stop stringing him along, whether or not you agree to be between her yellow, not-thin thighs. Would you really trust a woman who is willing to treat her husband this way? What if you become her husband tomorrow? Who will she be sending naked pictures to then?
My brother, you have to take into consideration the level of disrespect that comes with a married woman (or just a married person in general) sending naked pictures of themselves to another person. Haba!
Igwe’s thoughts: The best thing is to resist, but the next best thing is to go for it. Give the woman what she wants (and what you want), not because it is right or moral, but because until it happens, you both may continue to torture yourselves and continue to wonder what if.
The right thing for everyone to say is that you should resist, but how do they really, really feel, and what would they do if they were in your shoes? A lot of things in life are neither black nor white, and sometimes, we have to make tough decisions in tough situations. For all we know, maybe this woman is supposed to be your wife. On the other hand, maybe this is a test you are supposed to pass (by resisting her).think that if this
One thing I agree with my wife on is the part about this woman possibly not knowing what marriage and commitment are. Marriage is hard work, and it does not become good or great or easier by one person sending naked pictures to someone that isn’t in a marriage. I am not belittling her dissatisfaction in her marriage, but she needs to pick a side and stick to it. Right now, she’s sitting on the fence and holding on to your balls and her husband’s balls, and that is selfish. So, before you decide to sleep with this woman, you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her.
So, before you decide to sleep with this woman (if you decide to sleep with her), you have to first decide what your intentions are after sleeping with her. Because one just cannot say what she is or is not capable of doing.
Oya, Sweet Potatoes, talk your own in the comments.
P.S. Read more Dear Vera posts here.
P.P.S. You can send a Dear Vera mail anonymously. Just use the contact form and put in a fake email address. Whether you submit anonymously or not, your identity will never be revealed.
Please don’t do it!!! Think about disastrous consequences too
This is….complicated. When I first started to read, I was sure my response was simliar to yours, Vera: a solid NO. But upon reading Igwe’s response, I can agree that human nature is so interesting in that it’s easy to insist on him resisting when one is not in his shoes. That being said, it’s still a no from me. Is it hard to resist someone you so desperately want? Yes, it’s hard. But cancer is hard, death of a family member is hard, and people are able to survive both all the time. You will be fine. When she has divorced her husband, then go for it. But as long as she is married, please do well to respect the institution of marriage. It’s a serious commitment, a vow even. Plus honestly if she does this to the current husband, she will most likely do it to you too.
Na wa for this uncle o. No no no, don’t sleep with another man’s wife. This is definitely lust and will not last.
Well, as a man, I can caregorically say that it’s only a woman who will comment and say don’t do it. All this one you people are saying that marriage is a vow and a committment, all that one is story for the gods. My brother, I don’t know how you have resisted her this long. If it were me, I would be in her house fucking her on her husband’s bed. The man will come in and he won’t do anything. How can a beautiful woman with fresh thighs (according to you) be sending my naked picture and I’m still resisting? My guy, take time oh. If you don’t enter, somebody else will. She’s asking for it. Give her what she wants.
Hmmmmm, what caught my attention is the fact that he said he knew he could do better so he left the girl he was suppose to marry….that shows the kind of of man he is… greediness… sir if u are reading this comment then you definitely are a confused man and u are going to be single for a very lonnng time!!! So it’s another man wife u are attracted to!!! Can’t u find any other woman out there… am sure u can’t because you have gone through most of the Nigerian ladies in your town.. Oga listen after you have slept with her (because I know this is lust,) what happens?? are u willing to marry her ? Because a man like u will sleep with her and say oh I can’t marry her …you said u were 40 or almost 40 please don’t waste ur time or the lady time.. if u guys just want to chop and clean mouth then it’s ok as long as it’s what u guys want to do …
LMAO I must start by saying that both the story and the responses are just dope, in fact it made my day sef. Oga yellow not so thin thigh that is almost forty single and wanting to chop another man’s steaming hot spaghetti. See that ur tongue/ dick will burn in between them hot yellow thighs. U better rebuke the devil and command ur hard banana to behave. That’s why you never marry now taking about u can do better like u are a hot cake or something u don’t know u too have expiration date. Abeg just pack well bros and look for ur non naija woman since all the naija women here have gone mental# naija women in diaspora have suffered ( in my naijia voice) anyway U are grown Man of God for that Matter as evidenced by ur church going. I am not judging U Oh but I believe u know the right thing to do dear. And pls pls email vera on ur conclusion we wanna know or at least I do and I promise I won’t judge u maka why now I ain’t God lmao. Vera Biko Biko make sure u up date us oh I want to hear all the dirty details of this gist lol Goodnight people.
Don’t just stop there invite all her friends and have an orgy lol what kind of foolishness is this!!!
As we all know that the Bible says we should resist the devil and he will flee from us. It’s easier said than done not until one is in temptation. It’s a shameful act for a married woman to send her nude pictures to a man who’s not her husband. The first thing this guy needs to do is to delete her number and all the pictures she sent to him. If possible stop going to that church and look for another church, because this is a spiritual warfare. I believe that there is nothing prayer can not do, let him intensify in prayer. If possible let him join hands in prayer with someone he can trust. I wish him all the best.