So, there I was minding my business. You know I’m always minding my business. A Facebook friend sent me a message via Facebook (totology?) and she directed me to an article that related to my six inch penis post. By the way, she warned me not to mention her name, so henceforth, we shall refer to her as my Facebook Penis Friend. I’m sure she’d like that a lot better.
So I read the article on a Ghanaian website, and I was stunned! According to the new penis atlas of the world – yes, there’s such a thing, and no, it was not done by Ghana – Ghanaians have the third largest penis in the world. What!!! Their penis size averages around 6.7 inches. Republic of Congo has the largest penis in the world. Their average length is just over 7 inches. What!!!!!! [Although the Ghanaian website states that Ghana has the second largest, they are actually wrong. Ecuador has the second largest at 6.9 inches, and Ghana and Colombia both take third place at 6.7 inches. Yes, I went through the entire list. Don’t judge me!]. Now, I know what you want to know: what about Nigerians? Well, Nigeria and its penis sizes are not on the list. On that note, I have come up with my own Verastic conclusions. You may disagree, but my mind is made up.
- Since Nigeria isn’t even on the list, there technically isn’t any proof that Ghana and the Republic of Congo have bigger penises than us.
- There’s only one reason why Nigeria isn’t on the list: our men are too hung to be on the list. Gbam!!!
- I have a Ghanaian friend and a Congolese friend, and until I see their penises AND measure them to be at least 6.7 inches and 7 inches respectively, I refuse to believe this atlas!
That said, I do have a few questions:
- Why is there a Penis Atlas?
- Who funded or funds this project?
- Who benefits from these results?
- Who are the men that were measured?
- Who measured these men?
- Seriously, why weren’t my Nigerian men measured?
So, I composed the entire post above and then, I decided to revisit the map ….just in case I missed something. It appears that Nigeria is in fact on the list, and we average a whopping 6 inches. What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I demand a remeasure!!! This cannot be happening. Noooooooooo!!! I forbid it. I reject it. I refute it. I deny it. I revoke it. :'( We are too good, too bad, and too hung, darn it. Noooooooooooooo!!!! Ghana cannot beat us again. Why must Ghana beat us, even in penis size? What does Ghana have that Nigeria doesn’t have – apart from better footballers, constant light, better government, higher currency … and now, possibly larger penises? *INSERT DISTRESSED IGBO GIRL*
That’s it. I quit. A girl can only take so many heart breaks. It’s not like I care so much about the size. It’s just that I would like to boast of my men having it. At least, when foreigners say to my face, “Nigerians are scammers and liars…” I can say [with pride and a very wide grin, of course] “Yeah, well, we have the world’s largest penises.” But of course, that dream, too, has been taken away from me. It has been snatched! Aborted! Where is the love, people? Where is the love? To all Nigerian men, I suggest that you start eating whatever the Congolese people are eating. We must beat Ghana. If it takes you eating fertilizer, fresh out of the bag, then do it, darn it.
The funny thing is, I guess my friends and I hit the nail on the head when we talked about the six inch penis. From the looks of it, we wouldn’t have had the choice to go any higher anyway *INSERT VERY VIOLENT ROLLING OF EYES AT 300 MILES PER HOUR*
P.S. These are a few of our sister countries that beat us: Zimbabwe (6.1 inches), Zambia (6.2 inches), Sudan (6.4 inches), Jamaica (6.4 inches), Haiti (6.3 inches), Gambia (6.2 inches), Cameroon (6.5 inches), Burkina Faso (6.2 inches), Benin (6.3 inches), and Angola (6.1 inches)
P.P.S. In case you’re wondering, United States measures at 5.1, United Kingdom measures at 5.5, and Canada at 5.5 inches.
P.P.P.S. The map went online just this week, and since its debut, it has had 2, 435, 275 views. Clearly, this is a very important issue!
P.P.P.P.S. This Saturday, Rosie AKA Lucid Lilith will be co-hosting with me on Verastically Speakin,’ and we will be discussing Lost In Yankee. It’s a show that will discuss how people come to America with the best intentions, and then, somehow, they get lost: get into trouble, jail, homelessness, pregnancies, school dropouts, etc. I don’t know if stunted penis growth can be counted as one of the troubles that people get into in America (seeing as America is having quite a problem in that department. 5.1 inches???), but we shall figure that out on Saturday at 10am U.S. Eastern Time | 3p Nigerian Time | Call in: 1.646.929.1905 | Text: 1.443.934.9039 | E-mail: radio@verastic.com | Twitter: @verastic | Listen HERE
Who wudda thunk it? now scrolling down the phonebook for ‘sudanese guy from covent garden*.
Lmao ^^ j/k
Yinkus, hahahahaha @ calling your Sudanese guy. Look @ your mouth. You sef, you wan good thing, abi? Ha!
lol…ohhh gosh…
But I am curious though…
At what point in time/situation were these men measured? options:
A. Full Salute
B. Half mast
C. sleeping soldier
LOL…don’t ask how or where these terms came from…
Ah! My Mikki is a bad girls! LOL. Okay, I understand ‘Full Salute’ and ‘Sleeping Soldier’ – both very interesting names, by the way – but what on earth is a ‘Half Mast???????? :S
Ehen, and where and how did these terms come about? 😉
HA HA …this what you learn when you are fortunately unfortunate enough to sit in the back of the class during break time….
You would be surprised at the kind of stuff I overheard in my senior Sec. days…lol
Chei! I knew I was missing a lot by being a front-seater. I was always sitting in front of the class. Kpata, kpata, I’ll sit on the second row.
It would make sense for you to spell tautology as toto-logy seeing that the latter has some very interesting connotations.
Im actually happy with this find..but I wont say why.
Hahaha. Very funny. That is most certainly not even what I meant! But I spelled it as it is pronounced (in Naija). For your sake, I’ll go and change it. Your mind don dirty finish!
Chineke…
Anyway as long as we hit the magic number of 6…that’s good enough…
Hope i can catch the show on Saturday o….
Have a great start to the weekend babe…x
Mbaaaa! Hitting the magic number of six isn’t good enough. We have to surpass it by several inches … like by three of four inches? LOL. Were you able to catch the show on Saturday?
Vera, you will not kpai me, lol…Forget the map, and listen to Dbanj, Nigerian men are endowed…
Nne, D’banj didn’t say that Nigerian men are endowed (or did he?) I thought he just said that he is endowed. I no know again. I’m too lazy to listen to the song right now jare.
i don’t believe this, but i think this should be done on ladies too, the dippiest cunt ….lol
Chooooiiiii! I’m trying hard to imagine what the measure of a woman’s vaginal depth would be like, and all attempts to imagine this have been null and void. LOL.
I have filed away the URL for further review. If these are average sizes, I wonder what the upper bounds are… I suspect even a flaccid 4-incher could be seriously wahala when in full flow…
LOL @ filing the URL away. The thing is, they did not when these inches were measured: flaccid or not. People are split between flaccid and not-so-flaccid.
*smh* nwata ahhhhhh. We need to end this search and get you married. May his size meet your wishes!
Hahaha! Bia, nwa, kpacha lu anya gi oh! Who told you his size is what I’m thinking about? There are more important issues — like size of pocket. You know naaaa!
Please where is my tape rule?
Ayam going on a road trip right NOWWWW!
We must find the mean, median, mode of the rods of at least ten million, 21 year old males and older if we are to actually determine the real BALL PARK figure of national endowment.
AHOY! KOKO CONCERT! KOKO CENSUS!
INEC, WHERE ARE YOU?
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, do go on that road trip oh! We need to know the fact. Use your statistical skills to figure it all out. If Pythagorean Theorem sef can help you, please make use of it. Anything and everything goes.
I was able to catch your last radio show online today, what a great show that was. The Seun guy actually told me story and just like him I am doing great today because I said no to my parents.
Oh, wow. Really? I’m glad to know that you are doing great today. That’s what matters most. There are so many of us doing careers that we don’t really want, just because our parents said so, and it shouldn’t be that way. Hope you tune in for the show this Saturday. We’ll be addressing domestic violence >> http://bit.ly/hCnlWT
Vera!! OMG. I am laughing so much. I haven’t been on here because your page does not show up on my web browser anymore.Don’t know why. I use Google Chrome by the way. But I must say this is one hilarious post. Now I need to find a non-Ghanaian man and compare lol. Are you really sure? As you said, who created the map sef?
Yeah, girlllll! Please get a non-Ghanaian and research for us oh. Yes oh, my dear … I am not sure. All I know is what they put online. Until we know who did the research and the people that were researched, I will not rest at all, at all.
Per the browser, I don’t know why oh. That’s really weird. I use Chrome, too. And it opens up very well.
this is 3yrs late, but its about The Dick, so i gats comment. na lie dem lie. i watched a british quiz show years ago, and they actually asked what the ave size of d nigerian dick is: answer was 8.4 inches (i had my doubts tho, but on d average our guys ar hung longer than 6″, and dem thick.
‘half-mast?’ ‘full-salute?’ lol!!!!! knowlegde really is progressive.
bookmarking u ryt away!
Liz,
Thank you for commenting! Three years late or not. I think we need to conduct our own personal survey. Hahaha. We need to ask the men of Verastic to do a show-and-tell for us, so we can tell the world the truth. And yes, knowledge is definitely progressive. Haha. I was just as entertained as you by those terms. SMH.
4 years late!!!! I actually tink dis stats z way way wrong! M 16 yrs nd 6 inches down dere oh!
5years later… Well, this na only average and na mathematics. make we forget this thing wey them dey try do scientific way. Go to the gym locker rooms and see guys with flaccid upto 6inches self. This researchers self… well, e fit be tru sha but…na waoooo.
Many people seem to be getting this information wrong ooo. abi na me no understand people comments? this measurements na for ERECT ooo- na when your longjohn don stand wella. No be when the “young man” still dey soft o. again i just feel say this result na nonesense worldwide. Not even close…hnm,na wa oo