I’ve Been Watching Porn

Now pick your mouth up from the floor and keep reading the post. Yes, I have been watching porn. And no, I do not wish to tell you why I have been indulging in this activity. Okay, fine. You’ve convinced me. I’ll tell you after the break.

Before I tell you why I’ve been watching porn, I want to first tell you what my eyes have been seeing – and this is a very, serious question. Consider it my Midnight Bluez question sef : why, oh, why do the women spit on the penis they’re sucking? I. Do. Not. Get. It. I’m sitting there watching something that is supposed to be erotic, and all I’m thinking is yuck … nyama … eww … tufia kwa …disgusting!!!

Why spit on the penis and lick the spit back up???? *throwing up in my mouth* And while we’re on the subject of spit, what is it with people spitting inside other people’s mouths during sex? Am I that outdated in sexual practices? Is this the new/trending thing now? You know I’m always carrying last on everything. And I don’t think my parents know either.

Swallowing my own spit isn’t a thing of joy to me. Having to lick it up while it’s embedded on a certain part of a man’s body is just weird. I know what you’re thinking, when you’re going down on a man, you technically lick your own spit anyway – not that I would have first hand experience on this, of course *adjusting halo* – but that’s different, I think. It’s like licking a lolipop that is already wet with your spit. It’s not the same thing when you spit on the lolipop and then proceed to lick the spit back up. Get the heck outta here!

And to think, that’s not even the worst thing. Licking your own spit is still better than swallowing someone else’s spit. I’m not talking about the spit that is swapped between two people in the course of kissing. I’m talking about when one person reaches into the depths of their spit fountain and surfaces with a ball of spit which he/she then – with careful skills – deposits into the other person’s mouth. And the collector of the spit swallows it with pride and a big grin. It’s usually the women who are on the receiving end – as usual.  Am I sexually rigid? Or is this really nasty? I don’t understand what is going on these days. It’s like I blinked and the world went crazy. Don’t get me started on the peeing part. Why on earth would you want to be peed on?

Oh, and as per the reason why I’ve been watching porn, well, it’s quite easy: I’m trying to fish out the sinners, so I can go and preach the gospel to them. Why else? *readjusting halo* So, explain this to me, please. I sooo wanna know.

Signed,

Disgusted in Baltimore.