How Would You Redesign The Condom?

I’m sure we all know what condoms are used for, right? They are used to reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancies and the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases – which I also assume are unwanted. However, while most things change, the condom hasn’t changed in the past 50 years. And Bill Gates doesn’t like this.

So the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation is offering $100,000 of initial funding to anyone who designs the “next generation of condoms.” If the design is good, you may get up to $1,000,000 in additional funding. My people, it is time for us to put our heads together and make some money! I have a few ideas for what the next generation condom should look and act like:

1.  It has to have social share buttons: Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest, etc. These days, everyone wants to share everything with their friends, so why can’t a tweet be put out, “Hey! I just put on a Magnum in Lekki Phase 1.” This tweet will not only disclose your location, but also the size of your ehm … package.

2.  Each brand of condom has to have it’s own social network: Take Durex, for example. There has to be a DurexBook (like Facebook) where everyone who uses Durex can add themselves and discuss Durex.

3.  They have to be reusable: I don’t think I’ve ever personally bought condoms, but I see them at the store all the time, and they are not cheap. It’s crazy that a little piece of rubber costs that much. If they are reusable, however, you won’t have to buy them so often.

4.  They should be versatile in their use: Condoms shouldn’t be used only for sex. What about as Christmas lighting (like the glow in the dark ones)? And what about as balloons for kids’ parties? Or as Ziploc bags to store veggies in?

5.  They should have settings: Men’s chief complaint about condoms is that they make sex less pleasurable. Well, what if condoms have a setting from one to five, where one is least pleasurable and five is most pleasurable? That way, you can set it to your perfect number. Just like the sleep number bed.

6.  Condoms should have a STOP button: While the settings discussed in number 5 are nice and good, there should be a way to press STOP on the condom where it turns off the way a treadmill turns off when you press the STOP button. The purpose of this is to stop him from finishing too quickly. I’m not sure what the sensation will be when the stop button is pressed, but it’s gonna stop him in his tracks, and that’ all that matters.

7.  Finally, condoms should have testers: When you go to buy lotion or fragrance  there’s always a tester bottle, no? Why should it be different for condoms? I propose that when you go to buy a condom at Walmart, there should be a tester box where you can take one condom and put it on to make sure you like the feel of it. AND there should be a testing buddy, too – also provided by the condom makers. It won’t be much of a test if you can’t test it with someone.

“Proposals sent to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation must have a “testable hypothesis, include an associated plan for how the idea would be tested or validated and yield interpretable and unambiguous data” to receive continued funding toward development. Ideas that prove too expensive for widespread use in the developing world, or those that don’t do the job of preventing pregnancy or disease transmission will be dismissed right off the bat.” ~ Mashable

Soooo … what ideas do you have? And how soon can we start sending proposals to Bill and Melinda Gates? There’s a million dollars somewhere calling my name. Leave a comment; let’s get to working!