Yes, I know you have changed your name, but I like Bumight better. For those that are wondering why I am dedicating an entire post to Bumight, it is because a while ago, she put up a handwritten post – something I told her to never, ever do, so before I even read the post, I left a comment reminding her that I had warned her to never subject me to read her handwriting. It was only after commenting that I went back to read and realized she also had a typed version, specially for me. Oops. I apologized oh, but my darling Bumight insisted that I dedicate an entire post to her, so Bumight, this one here is for you.
Bumight, my darling, my love, my sugar, sweetie, it is with a broken heart that I approach you on this semi-cloudy day in Baltimore, begging and pleading that you forgive me. You know what you mean to me, baby, but just in case you don’t know, I will remind you. You, Bumight are the only fungi on my feet, the only rashes on my neck, the only birth mark on my middle left toe, the only maggot in my fish, the only insect in my beans. You’re my darling, Bumight.
From the bottom of the bottom of my heart, I plead that you forgive me. From the stretch marks that have appeared on my hips (due to rapid stretching), I plead that you forgive me. From the mysterious brown dot that resides on my left butt cheek, I plead that you forgive me. [I am still investigating this brown dot, and I am currently seeking extra hands and eyes. Touching and kissing of Vera’s bum might be necessary. All interested candidates, please apply]. I am tempted to put a picture of the brown dot, but I will respect myself. From my belly button which has recoiled and disappeared into a hole where I cannot reach it or pull it out, I am sorry.
From my right butt cheek which still bears that scar I got when I refused to stay still while my father was injecting me at the age of 5, I am sorry. I am also tempted to put up a picture of this scar, but once again, respect – more like shame – has won. From my arms which are still tanned and discolored from standing under the sun for too long in May, I am sorry. From my thighs which seem to be lighter than the rest of my body, I am sorry. From my armpits which take FOREVER to grow hair, I am sorry. From my eyes which have been described as ‘Chinese,’ I am sorry. From my elbows which are crazily darker than my arms, I am sorry.
Bumight, ever since that post of yours, I have not slept. Sleep has not found me. I have gone around searching for sleep, but she has hidden her face from me. Please, say you have forgiven me, so that normalcy can be restored to my life. I want to begin to live Verastically again. I have neither eaten nor drunk. I have not even blinked or taken a breath. That is how much you affect my life, Bumight.
From the very first time I set my eyes on you, I knew I had to have you. Forgive what I said on your blog. Like I told you, it was our enemies that wrote through me. The fact of the matter is that I find your handwriting to be very, very beautiful (tongue in cheek), and once upon a time, I used to write like that when I was about two years old. But these our haters, they want to come between our love, Bumight. They are trying to separate us. But how can one separate rice from beans? Okay, fine. Maybe rice & beans can be separated, but we are a different kind of rice & beans. We are the original, 100% rice & beans.
To prove my love and dedication, I am willing to do the unbelievable. All you have to do is drop out of that yeye med school of yours. I’ve told you that you’re not even on their level sef. You’re better than allllll of them, including the teachers. Drop out and open your own hospital – Bumight & Sons International Hospital Plc. Together, we will perform an open heart surgery on a blogger of our choice. I personally think we should start with that Afrobabe of a girl who always goes around commenting first on everyone’s blog. Once I get her out of my way, I can move up the ladder. If the surgery does not succeed…. i.e. if Afrobabe ends up being less alive than she was before the surgery, we will hide the body under Naijaleta’s bed. No reason for picking Naijaleta. He’s just been on my mind lately. [Naijaleta, gerrout of my mind! This is invasion of privacy!]. The evidence of the attempted surgery will be erased. No1 will ever know we even attempted it.
So Bumight, my love, what say you?
FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vera, I will continue to bombard you with Naija tableteers/inkers until you give in and get your own…I can see you…I’ve got my eyes on you and Afrobabe….Just wait!!! 😀
He he he…LOL…As if your writing is any better than our own…
LOL……Very “nice” dedication to Bumight. LOL…at hiding Afro’s “not-so-alive” body…God forbid ohh…En heennhh, sha sha I hope you’re still giving thanksgiving offering for Bumight’s passing her MCAT ohh, cos she has already passed…Anyway sha…let me sharraway from hia b4 pesin shut me up..
im second abeg…archwiz, abeg shift!
LOL!
Archiwiz: I dunno what you’re smoking oh, but you need 2 gimme some of it. What are you high on? lol. See me thinking I had real comments sef, only to find out it was one high little gal. lol. I will never give in to that tablet or wharever una dey call am. Instead, I will join you and Bumight and beat two of you
Anonymous: Abi oh. lol. Don’t mind Archiwiz. She’s too happy for my liking.
LOL
I think you are on a mission…to make people cry…with laughter…
This is a very nice one but let Bumight/Bumtight have her say…
Did you say drop out of med school? ROTFL…the outcome of this would be very interesting
Rita: Yes oh. I surely said she should drop out of her yeye med school. Please help me convince her to do so. I have nothing but love 4 her. She knows I love her.
Number 10! Number 10! Number 10! I am actually in class right now and Instead of listening to the teacher I am writing this. I will read after class and comment properly. But I just want to do the Number 10 dance.
I am actually number 4 oh. My people I am number 4. Yay. I am doing the makosa right now in my head tho. Hehe.
gd luck wit d surgeries!
umm I will def not be visiting una yeye hospital o. LOl. I tink say the whole world for no what u are planning. Pls una no kill afro, na who go supply us with naughty pics after her unfortunate demise. LOL. U dis woman, u go kill person.
Archiwiz: I like your kind of high o! Will you give me what you took before posting so I can use it on my low days?
Temite: Get back to class mode!
Vera: Hmmn I am very jealous of this dedication to Bumight o! Haba!
Fellow bloggers what do you say?
rotflmao @ “4rm the very first time I set my eyes on you, I knew I had to have you” bumight, somehow i think dis is d worst of all all d things dis chic yarned. ha vera, abeg define dat ‘have’. mek we no go think say u wan do a lindsay 4 hia
Veraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
U will not kill me with laughter…lol
Na so u take all your body plead…bumight gus no choice but to forgive u…
hehehe..u’ve made my morning 🙂
i still made top ten sef….with alll the repeated commentators here and there…vera how are u……u sure say u sef neva smoke something before u wrote this post…lol
LOL…
have we moved to thurs?
so bumight,wat so ye?
Temite: lol. Don’t worry, Afro won’t be dead. She’ll just be less alive than she was before the surgery, that’s all. But that will be Naijaleta’s problem. So you won’t patronize our hospital ehn? Temite, I thought we were friends! You go fail class ooo
LusciousRon: lol. Don’t be jealous oh. Don’t make other bloggers start demanding dedications too. lol. Me sef, I have asked Archiwiz to gimme some of what she took too. The chic was definitely high on something good.
Florida: LOL. Hahahahaha. Na only you go dey overthink that one. See, dis gal… no vex me oh b4 I jump plane come beat you for there. You’re free to interprete it ANYHOW you want oh. Bumight and I, we understand each other. lol.
Aloted: I sure hope she forgives me. Or else, there is no telling what next I will do.
Miz-Cynic: I no smoke anything oh. I just did as Bumight said I should. And I had to do as I promised. I gave her my word, so here I am.
Jaycee: I’m LOL with you too.
QMoney: I will now be totally random because I don’t want you to be able to predict my moves anymore. LOL
mhen..vera u sef was high when writing this dedication ..archiwiz just has sumthing stronger than yours..
bumight should have her head expanded to X 100 the normal size..
crazy hilarious
If u like don’t respect urself (lol), what gives u the impression that we want to see ur black yansh here,ehn? Vera are u crazy or drunk ‘cos i’ve been trying to figure out who bumight is? Na pesin abi na ur bumbum u dey write about? ‘cos i know say na only u fit dedicate a whole post to ur yansh (lol)
Simeone: LOL. I was not high oh. I was just expressing my love to Bumight, that’s all. Archiwiz is the crazy one.
Cherub: lol. If you had not disappeared from Blogville for so long, you for know say Bumight na blogger, but just for your sake, I will go put a link on her name. Yeye gal. And for the record, my yansh is not black. It’s yellow. I will email you the picture to prove.
dear vera and all,
I have read the post and I am composing my acceptance speech!
Bumight: LOL. I eagerly await your acceptance speech. The most important thing is that it is an ‘acceptance’ speech, not a ‘rejection’ one.
VERA! u have done it again. but if this ur dedication no gree her forgive u and walk u up the alter the next minute. i have one back breaker she cant resist.
good old SEXTING. that should be some nice straw to break her camels back. she cant resist. walahi. or in this case since its a blog to blog message, make it “SEXLOGGING” and when it all works out call me the guru that i am.
ChiefO: If I call you a mumu now, they will say don come again. Bumight has already accepted my pleading and begging. She just has 2 compose an acceptance speech. This is love men. True love.
she accepted in anticipation of ur sexting. call me what u want by the way, what would not kill me would only make me stronger. lol.
i was no 17 when i first saw this. *wails uncontrollably*
Hmm….. Vera’s mind, Naijaleta, bed, bumight, Afrobabe! Now I know what is on Vera’s mind.
It’s called a foursome.
Nice idea but Vera, I dont want you to share me with Bumight and Afrobabe although there’s enough to go round. I want you to have me all to yourself.
Chief: If you say so. Me, I think she accepted because my words touched her heart. How could she resist?
Geisha Song: lol. Don't cry, darling. There is always a next time, right?? *kiss, kiss*
Naijaleta: *shaking head from left to right* I dunno what to do with you. How on earth did you figure that out??? Honestly, I was just using Bumight & Afrobabe as covers. I'd rather have you all 2 myself too. *wink, wink*
oh..Vera..u crack me up. sigh. what will i do without u? lol!
Ok, I’m curious. Are the fungi on your feet green too?
verasticlicious mehn how far it as tey since i last commented u omo mehn dont be vex oh it is the situation that causeth it (too much youtube long story) neways mehn werin dey how body…yo we need to yarn oh i go call u soon as i get shance…
Experience of an Achiever: Nothing, I hope. I hope you do nothing without me. lol
Azuka: I don’t have fungi, thank you very much! But if I did, they would be green too. Why not, if not?
Emmalolu: Okay oh, I dey wait your call.
dear Vera,
because of the gravity of this situation, I had to clear my table to have enough room to review this your apology.
It is with a very shaky mind that I partially accept this apology of yours.
not only have u called me Tinea pedis, you have also called me atopic dermatitis, congenital nevus and a whole lot of other things. so now I’m funus, bacteria, insect all rolled up into one?
plus I see chiefo offering some sexology, how can i now fully accept ur apology with that kind of offer on the table ehn?
at least you agreed that my writing is beautiful, so I will let it slide. but wait, if we are rice and beans, who is the rice and who is the beans? I’m certain I’m the rice sha,..
to drop out of med school is not hard at all, with all the stress they are giving me, I will gladly drop out, you just need to write me a check of $264,000/year for 10 years and I wont even wait to drop their yeye stethescope for them.
While we are at this surgery thing, we can add Aloofar to the patient list, I hear he is sick, so I’m sure he’ll appreciate free surgery especially since u get to be the nurse. We can’t also forget Naijaleta, there is this brain procedure I’m dying to try out on him.
so Vera, what say ye?
Bumight, I feel like I cannot even respond to everything you have written. I feel like I need to write an entire post to you again. So pelase, watch out.
I told you sexting does wonders! Bumight abeg no gree till u get some sexting or sexlog entry from her. By the way my isi-ewu lady is back from naija. I am totally back in business. Isi-ewu anyone?
I told you sexting does wonders! Bumight abeg no gree till u get some sexting or sexlog entry from her. By the way my isi-ewu lady is back from naija. I am totally back in business. Isi-ewu anyone?