Who are these people? “my enemies,” Busola, and Funmi.
Gala Mania: I have been practically harrassing Tayo Odukoya for the longest time because I found out that his office is close to gala. I love gala!! Every time someone is going to Naija, I make sure I ask for gala, but somehow, they come back without it. In December of last year, Uju went to Naija for Xmas, and I made sure to warn her to bring back lots and lots and lots of gala. Can you believe the gal came back with only two?? I vexed oo! I raked for her properly. In short, if not that I was being held ehn, I for panel beat her face well well. So I finally took my gala home, and you shoulda seen the speed at which I opened one of it. I took one bite and…
It is with a heavy heart and deepest sorrow that I regret to announce I have fallen out of love with gala. What the hell happened?? All it took was one bite and I wanted to spit it out. This falling out of love with gala is not natural oo, ah ah! Our relationship did not die a natural death. Someone must have played a hand in it. My enemies must be after me again. They want to see my downfall, and they have attacked me through my love for gala. How else do you explain the sudden demise of my hyperactive taste buds for gala? I have been craving this thing for years!! I finally got it and I could hardly swallow the first bite. Chei! Helplessly and hopelessly, I watched as my one and three-quarter packs of gala entered my mother’s mouth and got churned and swallowed. I never even bothered telling Uju what happened. How could I?
Message to my enemies: You may have won the battle, but the war is mine!! I will never, ever, ever stop loving buttermilk shortbread!! And I will never stop loving Eclairs candy either!!! If you don’t believe me, send me a box of each.
Busola: Make una see me see wahala oo! This so-called friend of mine (Busola) is determined to ruin my very good reputation. Can somebori tell me why my Facebook profile says I’m married to Busola? Which day did this one happen? I remember being her maid of honor (which was an honor to her, of course), but which one be marriage again? What if a potential suitor sees my profile and moves on to someone else ehn? Tufia kwa! Busola, get thee behind me! I rebuke you!
Busola edited the details on how we know each other, and then she signed into my Facebook and accepted them. So now, according to my Facebook profile, we are married. The whole thing is just funny. The other day, one of my readers sent me an email congratulating me on my wedding. He said he loved my wedding pictures. That’s great, of course. The problem is that I neither had a wedding nor do I have any wedding pictures. The reader saw pictures of Busola and her husband, and he thought I was Busola and Busola’s husband was Busola. LOL.
Only our mutual friends and acquaintances will know that the whole marriage thing is just a joke. People that know me and do not know Busola will think I am really married to a man called Busola, and they will see that picture and think the man in the picture is Busola. Of course, it goes vice versa for Busola’s profile. People that know her and do not know me will think I am the man in the picture. Which kin nonsense be this? LOL.
People will really think I’m married to one betta person not knowing it’s just one small-breasted girl in PG county of Maryland. I have told the girl to stop wearing bra, so that we can see if there is hope for her tatas to grow, but mba, she insists on stunting their growth. They have been the same size for over a decade now. Nawa o. One day now, her husband will vex and just start playing with his own breast. They’re almost the same size anyway.
LOL. I can foresee Busola calling/texting me to tell me I’m a big fool for writing about her again. But I cannot help it now. She keeps blushing every time she sees me. Her week is just not the same without me. LOL. Could this be love? Oh yeah, it’s definitely love.
Funmie: The other person that wants my downfall is Funmi. Funmi also has the password to my Facebook account. She does not have a Facebook account and has refused to get one. Why? She claims that getting a Facebook account will make her be on Facebook all the time. The reason why this is such a silly excuse is that she is already on Facebook all the time! The only difference is that she does it with my name. Imagine the konkobility! (I don’t know what konkobility means; I learnt it from a Naija movie). It is because of Funmi that I receive text messages at three in the morning from friends asking me why I am still on Facebook. Meanwhile, my laptop is off and I am deep in sleep oo! LOL. People send me emails on Facebook expecting me to respond immediately because my Facebook profile says I’m online. Meanwhile, the real culprit has her eyes glued on her laptop screen spying on people who don’t know they are being spied on. Honestly, I dunno where I get my friends from.
Speaking of spying on people, Funmi has this chic she does not like. I’ll call the chic ‘Miss A’. So what did Funmi do? She added Miss A to my list of friends, so that she can properly spy on her. So now, Funmi signs in as Vera to spy on Miss A. I have told her several times that she has a lot of time on her hands. My question is…could this be madness? Yes oooo. Na so craze people dey start. One day now, I’ll see Funmi walking naked on the street.
Update: Funmie just joined Facebook, albeit she claims she only did it to join her Naija High School group. Sure, Funmi!
I just wrote a new article. Check it out. This Marriage Thing Sef. Don’t forget to leave comments oooo! I will quiz you later.
**I know this is totally unrelated, but permit me to whine about the Baltimore weather. Just two days ago, it was warm and sunny. It was 78 degrees, and I was almost getting baked, but I didn’t complain ooo. Yesterday, it was cold. Today, it’s even colder. To make it worse, it has been raining since morning. You know that kind of rain that won’t rain heavily, yet refuses to stop falling? Yeap, that’s the one. I’m ready for the flip flops, the sunglasses, and the skirts. I’m ready to – – – in fact, I dunno what I’m ready for, but I know I’m ready.
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Perfume, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://perfumes-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
You and ur friends are crazy/hilarious. You must have lots of fun together. Sorry about the death of ur love for gala. I go help u mourn am, but i bet ur friends will be happy cos u no longer have to hound them about it whenever they are going to naija.
I’m off to read ur article on marriage. My opinion of it gets worse each day.
oh plzzzz. vera u know u are soo in love with moi…
u this girl u like trouble, am calling MR. Sari on you…ashewo, wife snatcher!
vera, shebi i even av a blog sef…ahahah, i dont remember my password though…..ah funmilayo
ha ha ha ha, this girl u don kill me with laugh o.
u too much jare!
we dey the same area, cos that’s exactly wat my weather has been like too…cant wait for summer.
cheers!
Perfumes: Thanks.
Sting: My friends are all retards – that’s what I can say. I still dunno what to do with them. They don tire me finish. And yes, please help me mourn the death of my love for gala. It did not die a natural death – that’s for sure.
Funmie: I already told you that you’re a terrible blogger. As for your comment about me being a wife snatcher, thunder fire you! Don’t make me testify about ‘D’.
SoupaSexy: The thing don tire me mehn!! Which kin yeye rain be this? One second it’s warm, and the next second it’s freezing. This is April for crying out loud.
lol. u r too much! come o, i know a funmi and uju o. they are good friends. ummmmmmmmm.. but dont life in bmore tho. 🙂
hw u dey?
Simi Speaks: Hopefully, the Uju and Funmi you know are a lot better and NORMAL than the ones I am forced to deal with. Uju constantly barges into my house with or without my approval. In fact, I never, ever give her my approval. She just comes whenever she wants, eats what she wants, and even has the effontry to rob me before she leaves.
Talking about effontry ( i just realized i have neva had to write this word…wow), plss tell ur bloggers that you are always coming to my house to steal my shoes and purses…oya now talk……ah1 ole, Barawo, Oyin-oshi…
Funmie: Nawa for you sef. Did you have to come here and talk all that one? I wouldn’t exactly say I ‘stole’ your stuff. It was more like — well, you know now. You weren’t using them anyway, so why are you complaining. As for your shoes (the ones I’m currently wearing). You know the deal. You’ll get them when you “pay”
for ur info.. if u see anything looking nice on vera, including shoes and purses and even clothes, earrings… they are allll mine,olufunmilayo na im get am….
infact vera chi.. where is d dress i borrowed you to wear for you know who’s wedding… did u dry clean it yet?
ahahhahhaa, lemme not put all ur bizzness out there.
for real tho i think i need to take with me to….. u know.. dont worry its a totally different crowd. no one will notice, but just incase someone notices, am gonna look like d borrower……arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhh. u suck.now i thinkkkkk u might just av it… ah HELLLLZZZZZZ NAH
I CANNOT get tired of short-bread too…no enemies can stop meyyyy!!!! Lollllllllll. Sorry u fell out of love for gala, never liked it in the first place anyway…yuck!
Lollllll…..see what FACEBOOK makes people do. SPY on other people? If ur friends see this post, they’ll prob panel-beat u…he he.
I’m praying for this weather to completely change…it’s been SPRING for the past two days now…at least I’ve stopped wearing my winter jacket…Oh Lord, let this continue pls. 🙂
Funmie: Just for your ignorant comments, you can forget about me ever borrowing you that nice dress I wore to whatever-her-is’s wedding. Don’t try me oooo! Anyway, I kuku have the pictures to prove that the dress is mine. I mean, who wore it first anyway? Ha!
Jaycee: My dear, facebook is crazy ooo. People like Funmi use it for other purposes. She uses it to spy on her ‘enemies’, but she does it thru me. As for the weather, mehn…..I’m soooooo tired of the big jackets too. I mean, this has to stop!!!
gala should hear u. im sure they will willingly start exporting cos of u
Please send Funmi and Uju to this Godforsaken place i’m in so they can be my friends. Thanks.
someone that actually appreciates moi… taureanminx dearie, i am here for you anyday, we could be d bestest of friends everrrrrr
vera! u are about to loose meeee… betta start begging.
Uzezi: LOL. Who will they be exporting it to? Well, who knows? Maybe if they start exporting it to me, I might have a change of heart. I hope they do sha. That will be good. And if they are nice enough to me, I will be willing to be the star of their commercial. That’s if they are nice enough oooo!!
TMINX: LOL. My love, what is wrong? We need to talk oo ehn. You know I don’t like seeing you like this. It breaks my heart.
Funmie: Me beg? Never!!! And you need to back off of TMinx. That’s my boo! Back off, Funmie!
I always wondered how you loved gala like that, we get so much of it and they just end-up in the freezer with no-one eating them till we throw them away before the person visits again…
Na wa oh… thank God for your friends ohh…lol…me sef i just joined facebook oh…got the inspiration from this post as i use other pple’s name to enter too…lol…
lmao…love ur friends…Busola reminds me of my friend fluffycutething who is also a blogger…we lived together during our youth service and the silly girl wrote on facebook that we were lovers…u can imagine how many emails I got asking me when I started swinging that way…
used to love gala too but now cant stand it….
S. Chic: So you’re one of them ehn? You’re one of the people who enter Facebook with other people’s name? LOL. That’s funny. Well, have fun on Facebook. Don’t get addicted. As for the gala…well, I have recently been asking myself the same question. I don’t know the answer to it yet.
AfroBabe: Okay, I’m still laughing @ your friend’s name (FluffyCuteThing) lol. Funny. You love my friends abi? I loved them too until they became my friends and started showing me their true colors. Poor gala people.
So you don fashi gala? After all your harassment don make me package one carton to send to you? Chai! Wetin I go come give you for wedding present now ehn? Oooops! I forgot you’re already married to Busola. Ok …errr … maybe Divorce present then??
Tayo: LOL. You don kolo finish. So it’s now that I have denounced gala that you’re claiming you have packaged one carton for me abi? Meanwhile, I have been begging and kicking and screaming for gala, but 2 no avail. Take ur time oo. Why don’t you go ahead & send me a box of shortbread then? *wink*
Congratulations on your marriage to ~Busola. Mrs S told me about it and we both had a good laugh.
Like fummie, I refuse to be on facebook too and Mrs S is always logged in thanks to me. (smile) Spying on others is always so niiiiiccceee. LOL!
Calabar Gal: Stop congratulating me ooo! Which kin marriage be that one? Who told you I want to be married to Busola? So you’re just like Funmie ehn? Congrats ooo.
u know u r married to busola, why r u trying to paint innocent bussie multi-colored. even when she didnt want u, u forced urself on her. now u dare to spread rumors that u r not married to her. could it be that its bcos of mr KISSER that u r dis-wifing busola. i know u would say a whole bunch of nonsense in response to this. but i refuse to be intimidated.