It was a hot evening as usual, so I was jejely sleeping on my bed, wearing only my underwear. I was along @ home as usual, my bedroom door was open, and the TV in the living room was on. I woke up @ a point, but I was still drifting in and out of sleep. I could hear the TV, and if I listened well enough, I woulda been able to make out whatever was being said.
I thought I heard a sound in my room, so I opened my eyes, but I didn’t see anything. I drifted off to sleep again, but I kept hearing sounds. Each time I opened my eyes, I didn’t see anything. It was about 9pm, so it was dark. Then I thought I heard wings flapping, so I opened my eyes, and lo and behold, there was something black flying towards me. So I jumped out of bed, turned my light on, and there it was…
…..a bat!
I jumped out of bed, screamed, and ran out of my bedroom, still wearing only my underwear. In my haste to run out, I left my cell phone and the cordless phone on my bed, and I was too scared to go back, so I decided to use the phone in my mom’s room. I called my mom @ work to tell her of our uninvited guest. She said I should call 911. I said, “Mom, I don’t think people call 911 for bats”. By the time I got off the phone with mom, I was questioning my decision 2 call her. She was of no help 2 me. But then again, what did I xpect her to do?
So I sat on her bed, my heart in my mouth, trying to think of what to do next. I lay on her bed, looked up on the vent in her room, and I thought I saw something, so I turned her lights on…
….yeap, another bat.
So, I jumped up. Put on a t-shirt I saw on her bed, tied her wrapper and rushed out to the living room. I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom, but I didn’t for 2 reasons:
1. There might be a bat in there
2. Staying in there would not help me in anyway.
So I sat on the couch….just for me to see a bat flying around in the living room.
At this point, I grabbed my keys and ran out of the house. I didn’t run out of the building, but I was out of the house. I didn’t know what else to do, so I knocked on my neighbour’s door (He’s a young Igbo guy in his late 20s/early 30s).
I: N, can you come 2 my house & help me please? I have bats
N: You have bats?
I: Yea, so can u help me, please? I need 2 get rid of them.
N: R u sure they’re bats?
I: (getting irritated) Yes, I’m sure, go take a look.
He opened my door, and the bat that was in the living room was now perched on the window blind.
N: Wow, that’s really a bat. But where did they come from? Did you offend any1 in the village?
I: N, are you seriously thinking these bats came from Naija?
N: Yes now! Bats don’t come 2 people’s houses, so who did you offend in the village?
I: N, those bats r not from the village.
N: Okay, maybe they’re not, but where did they come from? If they’re not from the village, then they must all be born from one mother, and their mother is in your house, so she released two children to go and get food. But who sent the mother?
I: So basically, what you’re saying is that these are not ordinary bats abi? Whether it’s mother and children or only two children, someone must have sent them.
N: Yes.
I couldn’t believe it! This person was born here o (though he was raised in Naija) but he came back over ten years ago. I called animal control and they said they couldn’t do anything about it because it was a weekend, and it was already about 10pm @ this time. But they said I had bats because my house was close to the woods/trees, and apparently, it was a normal thing 4 them 2 get into houses. I called the apartment maintenance people, and they said they were coming.
N finally decided to help me get rid of the bats. By the way, they were two bats (it was the one in my room that came out 2 the living room). So N opened the windows and took the screens (nets) out. So we (more like he) chased the bats while I screamed. Homeboy didn’t want to hit the bats…just in case they were witches. He didn’t want them 2 be mad @ him and come back to kill him. One of the bats actually died cause I guess he mistakenly hit it.
The apartment maintenance people finally showed up….@ one AM! We told him the bats were gone, but they (apartment people) had 2 send their men in the following day to fix the window screens, and guess what the moo moo said? He said, “I hope y’ll didn’t kill any of the bats because it is illegal to kill bats, and you could go to jail for that…and even pay a high fine.”
Wat rubbish! The bats shoulda thought about that b4 invading my house and nearly sending me 2 an early grave. Apparently, there was a hole in the ceiling of the equipment room – that’s where they came in from. I screamed tire that day o! Bats r just very ugly creatures. They look like flying rats. I do not think there is anything demonic about them, but I don’t like them.
Sorry 4 making this post so long; wasn’t my intention.
There’s a new movie coming out called, Overwhelmed’s Pictures…featuring her boobs & famous bowlegs. It will be showing in all theatres near you. But you have to buy ur tickets in advance. They cost only $5, so make ur check payable 2 Vera Ezimora.
I was gonna catch up on blogs, but my waist is falling down right now. Today is my 2nd day with Ms. Flow, and I am not finding it funny @ all. I’ve been holding my waist like an old woman, so lemme go lie down for a few minutes. I’ll be back 2 catch up on my fav blogs.
lol, funny story. That neighbor of yours is hilarious not to talk about those crazy maintenance people. Like they would kill em if they were in your shoes. Nonsense! Yankee and their silly so called animal protection laws.
Take some mortin to calm Ms. Flow down. You’ll be alright.
Hi Vera, your story is halrious and frightening all in one. I would have screamed my heart out until I literally passed out… Your story gave methe creepy crawlies. And your village neighbor is insane.
Your story is similar to the time I found a stray cat underneath my bed. Or should I say he jumped on my face… I died.. Nice post Vera.
This is an hilarious story…I couldn’t stop laughing especially when your neighbor said “Wow, that’s really a bat. But where did they come from? Did you offend any1 in the village?”
Mari: Yes oh my dear, Yankee does have a lotta silly animal protection laws. I mean, it’s nice and all, but telling me to spare the life of a bat when I’m scared shitless is ridiculous. I’ll take some motrin soon.
Simply Gorgeous: A stray cat under ur bed? LOL. That one na witch o! Should I ask you who you offended? LOL. That’s some crazy stuff. Naija people r ever so funny. Thanks 4 reading.
Olat: I guess you can take the person out of Naija, but you can’t take Naija out of the person. Bats from the village indeed!
I don’t care if the guy has been in the US for 20 years or more. If he subscribes to such philosophies and doesnt let go conciously no amount of expose can take it away.
@Overwhelmed
If Vera threatens you again just send a message to the village and they send some bats to her house thru western union. LOL
Crazy incident! That neighbor of yours is just gangsta. Did you offend anone in the village? Chei, how did the bats come get visa enter US, rubbish obodo oyinbo wannabe. Can you imagine AP, if they were lions or crocs would they have siad the same thing?
LOL… hilarious… i probably would have done the same thing, cause i do not like creatures…
~DD
girl i couldnt stop laughing…oh my goodness…please no matter where you’re born…naija is naija and we are very superstitious…me too i was wondering who sent them from the villa o… just joking but men…i dont think iwould sleep in that room ever again…freaky!!!!
gosh..your neighbor is toooooooo funny…mother and children indeed…LMAO
LMAO
That is a funny story
ahhh but your neighbour just takes the cake! ah ah…dude must have watched one nigerian movie too many.
Meanwhile, u r very lucky the bats didnt ite u, apparently bat bites are almost always fatal.
Oh well, I’m off to look for the overwhelmed movie – do they have it on netflix yet? lol
LOL! This reminds me of my encounter with a spider… when I blog about it, you’ll be shy for me! LOL!
Ms Flow will be leaving in a few days, so you’ll have our time again. Pele… mwaaah (kiss).
Shey you always tease me? One day I’ll show up unexpectedly with a box full of bat for your birthday [or Easter, whatever].
Babs: Who side r u on sef? You’re telling Overwhelmed 2 send me Bats thru Western Union. Western Union ko Money gram ni! I no fear o!
JJ: Lions & crocs ke? LOL. I for no dey here 2 tell the story oh, lol. In short, even I woulda been sure they came from the village. Hehehe. That woulda been just… woah!
Discombulated Diva: Who likes creatures? They’re so creepy. Bats r just very eww. They’re ugly and disgusting, yuck! Thank God it’s over
Diamond: My neighbour was just something else. I didn’t sleep in my room that night, and for a few weeks, I was a bit paranoid. Twas a scary xperience.
Bella Naija: My dear, the boy musta watched wayyyyyy too many Naija movies. I didn’t know whether 2 be annoyed or amused. I was just perplexed. Overwhelmed’s movie is not on Netflix yet, but it will be in a few days. Watch out.
London Buki: I’m tryna be strong & catch up on blogs anyway. I don’t wanna save it till l8r. I gat other things 2 do. Oya hurry up & blog about the spider, lol.
Azuka: Eww! A box of bats? You little demon. Try it and you won’t live to tell about it. No try me o, Azuka… or else!!!
Aww lol, those things are freaking weird though. I can’t imagine being in the same room with a small moving creature…..period. I’m not scared of tem, but WHY?
Vera and the flying rats would make a good Nollywood flick.
nice!
I laughed tire, so the bats were sent to u, eh? When u won’t stop offending people. OMG!!! Don’t tell me this weirdo called Vera and i are on the same cycle o. Nne, will u be my calendar then? LOL. At least u managed to tie a wrapper, imagine if in ur crazy state u ran out with just underwear to ur neighbor?
Now that was funny
TMINX: LOL @ being in the same room with a small moving creature. Do fish and hamsters count?
Eagle’s Nest: Good Nollywoood flick ke? Mind ursef o! You didn’t even give me Hollywood sef; na Nollywood u carry me go.. ehn…fine gal like me
Cherub: If I had run out with only a wrapper, trouble 4 dey o! I will neva be able to look in2 my neighbour’s eyes again. Gosh!! That would be embarrassing.
Boorish Male: Where have u been?
LOL.. I think I’ve witnessed something like that in Naija, esp when u live in Uni quarters and outskirts of the city. squirrels etc, but I can imagine u being alone with 2 bats…must have been scary..
LOL@ the animal control guys..I would just be cussing them in my head as they are saying that..
Funny!!! Belated Vals day jare..
U are so dumb. U need deliverance, ode. U and N should really get marry so u can be related to that old man who likes to embarrass naija people. lol
i am back from my long MIA o. all the ones we killed while in boarding school in naija did the trick. no matter the size, even the owl’s sef didnt have anything on us.
Lee: Squirrels sef, I don’t care 4. They’re always running around here. They’re so many of them that they are normal, and if I were 2 see one in my house, I woulnd’t like like…just cause it’s an animal, but I wouldn’t freak like I did 4 the bats
Anonymous (AKA BUSOLA): You don craze finish! You, you’re the one that shuld marry N *HISS*
Chief: Owls ke? No o, abeg. Wat next, vultures? They can stay outside while I stay inside.
LMAO…Vera you are crazy oooh….that was funny!!!
lol.
I probably wld have thot they were sent t oyou, too…lol. but the bats being siblings that is just too funny. Many ur neighbor has had “visitors” sent to him from his village!!
Thank God u didn’t wake up wit the bat perched on u half naked self…lol
Hope Ms flow is berra now.
Oh my God!…ouch! my ribs!…you know most of all am laughing at the language.I love the accent.I wish i knew how to speak that.I think i shud find sef a Naija(Igbo) guy to teach me that.
Same thing with us,bats are asociated with witchcraft.One time it came ruuning in my dad’s(biological)room,two months down the line he passed on.Eish!..ma re that one gave you a hard time.I laughed at the picture of and that N guy running around the house in search of the bloody creature.Be careful next time will you?
Kante whats with you and Overwhelmed gal?
Ur neighbour thot they were sent from the village. Hilarious. Typical Africa Man.
Must you announce Miss Flow’s visit each time? I dont want to know!!!!
Nna na wa o!
Bat ehen! Hmm,thank God you got rid of them.
That your neighbour sef,e be like sey wintch plenty for im vilage.
With Ms.Flow,just relax and take something warm. ok.
hehe
this story reminds me of an encounter i had with a chicken when i was like 6yrs ,
my neighbour had to come and rescue me from it @ night !!!!!!
thanks for dropping by Vera.
I’m sorry dear, the dog is OFF LIMITS! he’s my pride and joy..LOL
What’s with the blogville weddings? Je ne comprends pas!!
What does flying bats have to do with witches – So is the guy still thinkin they witches might be after him after he mistakenly killed one of them. – Girl you give me jokes. Loved your post. So what is ONB saying about her latest film.
NaijaDude: Keep laffing @ me oh. One day it will happen 2 u, then I’d like 2 see you laffing then. Where is that ur Overwhelmed sef? Tell her 2 report here b4 I vex finish.
Angie: LOL. Indeed, the bats being siblings was very, very funny. It was even funnier because he was serious and he believed what he was saying. If the thing had perched on me, ah, I woulda just passed out o! God forbid! That kinda thing would hunt me 4 the rest of my life jo.
Milano Es Par: You want an Igbo guy 2 talk 2 u like that ke? LOL. That’s funny. I’m Igbo, so I have heard it wayyyy too many times, and it’s just funny…not in an attractive way though. I’m sorry about your dad oh. May his soul rest in peace.
Calabar Gal: It’s because of people like you that I feel the need to announce Ms. Flow every time. And don’t make me take a picture of it next time! Indeed, my neighbour is a typical African man. The guy is too funny…and he doesn’t even mean 2 be funny.
Omohemi: Abi oh, e be like say witch plenty 4 him village, true true. Why else would a bat automatically mean witch craft? Funny people we have here 44 real.
Eminie: Animals can be funny 4 real! I had encounters with turkeys…not one oh, but two, and it was not funny!
Teva: Blogville weddings? I dunno o; I guess love is in the air. You should get married too…BloNGville style. That dog of urs is just 2 adorable! What breed is he, German Shepherd?
Life Of A Stranger: Girl, I dunno what flying bats have to do with witches o! That’s what N believed sha. But he’s still well and alive, so I guess the bats abi witches did not attack him after all. Overwhelmed is not saying anything publicly; instead she’s calling me 100 times a day & beggin me to keep her movie a secret. The chic just likes hearing my voice, that’s all.
Oh my goodness…BATSSSS??? Vera…yeh!Thank God u’re alive…lolll…
LOL Vera, only you would get visited by bats. At least thank God they didn’t bite you o. Your neighbour is one funny guy.
Baby it is a lie,u see now.When I have been warning u to keep ur yansh in one place,u no go hear.Na people’s husband and BFs u will be chasing up and down,see where it landed u now.
Well we thank God sha.
Damn!! that was crazy sha,cos bat’s bites are deadly o,2 boys actually died of Rabbies in Houston last year from bites from bats o.
Jaycee: Yeah, thank God I’m still alive oh…cause this kin omen, me I no come understand. I hate bats!
Favored Girl: My dear, na so I see am oh. Why didn’t they go to Uju’s (my friend) house? Her house is a working distance away from mine…although she doesn’t have as many trees around her sha… but still. I’m just glad they didn’t bite me anyway.
NaijaBloke: WOW, two boys died from rabies? Why now, didn’t they go 2 the hospital to a tetanus shot after being bitten? Nawa o, that’s serious. Thank God I was not bitten sha cause that woulda been bad! As for chasing people’s husbands & boyfriends, no comments! I will give you a piece of my mind when I see you. Just wait 4 me there.
lolllll! oga o.. this one pass me o.. BATS ke? loll
Very funny story. ur neighbour is crazy
Hilarious….especially when your neighbour started talking about bats sent from the village…lol
Babe – nwa, nwa, nwanu correct ur “Last Thing I wrote” under “My Stuff”. The last thing you wrote was Chapter 5 not Chapter 3. Update it Jo!!!
Ewww, bats!!!! I would so have screamed my lungs out, but seriously Vera who did u offend in the village, lol. Hope u r feeling better now:)
Hehehe, did you confess to killing one of the bats! Thats a funny story, good thing u remember to tie wrapper sef!
lmao… that was fuckin hilarious… your neighbour kills me sha with his theory about the bats being on behalf of someone you pissed off in Nigeria…. lol.. thats jokes.. thank God i never saw one of those… cos every little creature(and even some big ones self)freak me out!!! but that boy sha.. i’m suspecting him… how am i sure he wasn’t trying to check you out in ur wrapper and tap small current.. pretending to be ‘killing bats’… those animal control abi na maintenance ppl dey craze sha… u shouldn’t kill the bat abi? so they’d rather the bat sucked your blood abi(lol.. don’t mind me.. i’ve watched too many vampire movies)… man i have a really bad migraine… i dey go sleep man
i almost forgot to write about the ‘overwhelmed pictures stuff’… lol… DO THE RIGHT AND MORAL THING VERASTIC! lol…i told you we can ‘work something out’!!! lol
Bimbylads: Yes oh… bats! My dear, the thing pass me too. Wateva happened to having good ol’ insects? Why did it have 2 be batssss???
Just Me: Yes indeed, my neighbour is funny. It wasn’t funny that day oh, but now that it’s over, it’s a funny story.
Nilla: My neighbour is just one of a kind jo. I no know wetin to talk my sista; he’s just something else.
Calabar Gal: Thanks jare my sister. I completely 4got about that thing. I will update it soon as I post this. Nice looking out… just another sign that you truly love me… hehehehe *wink wink*
Biodun: I din’t offend any1 o! My dear, I dont even remember the last time I stepped a foot in the village sef. My neighbour is just a funny guy, that’s all. He’s very sweet, but very funny
Epo: Confess to killing one of the bats ke? My dear, I no come confess o! Confess so that they can fine me and/or possibly put me in jail 4 the death of a bat? I don’t think so! And of course I remembered to put a wrapper on lol. That woulda been a different story if I hadn’t o! I will neva look my neighbour in the eye again.
Overwhelmed: You have 2 go and write about me on your blog, and you have 2 publicly beg me 2 not show ur pix because I could just vex one day and send them 2 tabloids….shebi you know, right? As 4 my neighbour, girl, he’s a character. He’s actually a very nice guy…but funny nonetheless.
LMAO!!! Vera you have broken my back, yeeeeee! I’ll forward you my hospital bills… yeeee!
Maybe the bat was horny and considering the way you were, are you sure you did not seduce the bats? hmmm? tell me oh, you know you can confide in me… GH has nothing on me… *wink* I mean, bats can be your own fetish (it’s ok, I won’t judge you…promise)
had a similiar experience during my youth service in a northern village, i woke up at midnite to a bat flying around the room, so horrible because there was no electricity supply!
yet to see someone who likes bats, poor creatures!
unNaked: Ewww. Bat fetish ke?! Boy, something dey do you o. LOL. Those things r hella ugly…and not 2 mention scary sef. God 4bid for me to make a bat horny…lol. I am not that ugly! Ewwwww. unNaked, mind ya sef o! And just 4 that, I am NOT paying ur hospital bill
Shola: No electricity ke? And there was a bat flyinf around? WOAH!! Did u pass out? Ah, my heart woulda left my body o. A flying bat in a dark room? Hellll no!!!! Pele sha.
Hey Vera, been stalking your blog for a while now… left a couple of comments too :-).
Just started mine today and thot you might want to visit?? it’s
http://www.treasurethemoments.blogspot.com
I have done as you requested
Moments: Hi Moments! Welcome 2 the world of blogging…thanks 4 stopping by. I’ll check ur blog out ASAP
Overwhelmed: Okay, I’ll go check it out ASAP. And it berra be good oh… or else!
lol at your neighbour. witches from the village ke? lmaorotf
goes to show that you can’t really take the village superstitions from the african abi? lol
God! I thank you that I am not the only crazy one! You are HILARIOUS!!!!!
I havent been to your blog in a bit but this bat story was a GOOD way to welcome me back 🙂 I havent read anything this funny in a loooong while! Sorry o. Meanwhile I hope they fixed the hole in the equipment room too or else more village bats are bound to bring their glad tidings…lol
can’t stop laughing. Your neighbour sounds like a character from ‘the new masquerade’. So sorry we all seem not to care that you must have been terrified.
Just came across your blog and I have no regrets. This story is damn hilarious. That your Ibo neighbour … na wa o. You sef, are you sure you didn’t offend anyone in the village? I’m still laughing. Hope you have plans in case the bats show up again tomorrow? LOL