I went for the naming ceremony like I mentioned in my other post. That ceremony was baaaad!!! … in a good way, of course. DJ dey there. Live band sef dey there. We danced and danced. The music kept switching from DJ to live band. I danced till I could dance no more – literally. I pulled a muscle, and that was soooo not funny! Both of my legs are still hurting badly. My thighs hurt. My calves hurt. My feet hurt. My toes hurt. I wore heels most of the day – night rather. Funmi drove us to the venue; I drove back. It shoulda taken me an hour to get home; I drove home in like 40 mins. Na so I dey speed 4 road. Funmi and her three siblings all fell asleep in the car and left their lives in my hands. I shoulda driven us all into a ditch.
By the way, you know what time I left the party? Past six in the morning! And the only reason why it was six in the morning was because the time had changed. It would have been seven in the morning. Never in my life have I attended such a naming ceremony. Alcohol was unlimited. Music was unlimited. Dancing was unlimited. Food sef was unlimited. Even though I did not have a drop of alcohol, I felt drunk on something. It musta been the music. Or someone drugged my sunkist.
The party couldn’t go without meeting those people. Out of respect for the hosts, I will not blog about everyone I feel like blogging about. I will however, blog about two guys whom I have absolutely no respect for.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Be-Friends: So there I was dancing away, not caring who was looking or what they mighta been thinking about this Igbo gal who was dancing with her ikebe. Mr. I Just Wanna Be Friends decided that he wanted to talk 2 me. After the usual small talk like what’s your name, where are you from…blah blah blah, he got down to business.
Him: Can I have your number?
Me: No, I have a boyfriend. (forget about the veracity of this statement. That is my new story, and I’m sticking to it.)
Him: [looking puzzled] I just wanna be friends. (Yeah, right! Gimme a break. Na so dem dey take become friends 4 ur village? *hiss*)
Me: No, I’m sorry I still can’t.
Him: What about an email address?
Me: Nope.
Him: Please. I’m begging you.
Me: No, I cannot.
Him: Do you live with your boyfriend?
Me: No.
Him: So what’s the problem? Will he beat you if he finds out you’re talking to me?
Me: [amused] No, he won’t beat me, but I still cannot.
Him: Maybe you’ll consider me next time we meet then?
Me: Yeah, maybe.
So I bet you’re wondering what’s so special about him. Well, the next day, I found out he’s married!! And his wife is pregnant. Ah, the God that I serve is a living God oh. What kind of nonsense is this? Tufia kwa. It is not my portion oo. I rebuke all ye married men. If I see him next time and he dares to open his mouth and say that rubbish to me, I’ll have a very good answer for him.
Mr. I-Just-Wanna-Screw-Her: Yes, people. Someone actually said he just wants to screw me, that’s all. He told Funmi that he liked me, but he hoped I wasn’t the kind who will cling to him after he got what he wanted. After Funmi told him I wasn’t that type (who will give it up…unless you’re Barack Obama), he said that was even better because he did not wanna share me with anyone else. By the way, this dude is married. With kids. And maybe like two baby mamas. And yes, he’s Nigerian – Yoruba to be precise. And that nonsense Funmi of a girl even came to deliver the message to me. So what did I do? I told her to tell him to talk to me himself. Boy, I can’t wait to lay his ass out. You should see this guy I’m talking about. Busola swears he looks like a goat. Looking @ the pictures, I cannot say I didn’t see the very striking resemblance between him and that goat my grandma used to have. May his soul rest in perfect stomach.
I really am tempted to show pictures of these dudes. I know they know me. The goat-looking one will not have a hard time locating this site. We have plenty mutual acquaintances. I’m not scared of what will happen if I put his picture here, but out of respect for the hosts, I will not.
This is that crazy friend of mine, Funmi. The gal was dancing alllllllllll night long. She swears she was not drunk, but I beg to differ. As we speak right now, a special team is investigating the issue. If it makes you feel better, there are plenty more pictures from where this one came from. In other words, you know I won’t leave you without pictures. There were about 1000 (yes, one thousand) pictures, but I have only uploaded 62 for your viewing pleasure. I doubt if any of you wanna see a thousand pictures. Oh, I forgot to mention that the baby’s name is Tanitoluwa. She has other names actually, but Tanitoluwa is my favorite, so I will call her, Tani! She’s soooo gorgeous. To view the pictures, click HERE
And can I just say, Congrats Obama!!!!!
First!!!
Plus, Vera, na wah for you oh. Some women can’t find one man talkless of yeye men. Na only you dey find e-get-as-e-be types. I will put you in my prayers. You will find a good man in Jesus name! amen! Us single gals have to be collective in our prayers so God will get so bombarded, He will cave. Ha! Na which kain nonsense be dis sef?
Gooooooobama!
Girl… the married guy….
There’s this guy in Nigeria that runs a very popular radio show… the guy just had a baby within two weeks of this incident… He was asking to be “friends” with one of my girlfriends… It was to be a private conversation but I mistakenly listened in on it because it was a newsroom with a mic in it and I could hear it through my headphones where I sat… I was soooooooo shocked… good thing is that she refused but the guy was begging… I mean this is a man that was like at least 40… and my friend was like in her 20s… total rubbish…
You and all yall experiences… I think this should be a TV series or something…
Have a great weekend chica
i don talk am, VERA u are officially declared a magnet for kinked up men. if not u who else would it be. funny thing is na so so party dem dey jam u, maibe they think u might be drunk/tipsy and they assume u would agree to anything the throw at u or something. maibe cos honestly since i don know u, this year u have broken the record for attracting these kind of men.
why cant they meet u in a range rover dealership ehnn? why cant they meet you in bestbuy or circuit city while u r testing out ur dream $1600.00 camera? i say boycott all parties and go to these aforementioned choice places and more.
lol @ Mr I-just-wanna-screw-her. wassup with u and all these married men?
btw, hope this naming ceremony was not our date o!
Stories like makes one wonder …….. Im just going to keep the rest of my comments to my self.
nah wah for our brodas oh.. married, with kids, and still looking for something outside?
as far as the heavens are from the earth oh, vera that’s how far those married “I wanna be friends, I wanna do something men” will be from you.. shioooo..
and I bet of the them were yoruba? My people shame me, even if I do say so myself.. thank God for spirit of insight! lol…
yes i agree with diamond hawk, this should be a tv series! lol..
Have an awesome weekend.. much love
good for u…..silly ass mo’fos….
Rosie: I have to agree with you oh. We (single gals) have to bombard God with prayers. We have to pray sotey the Man no go fit sleep again. Well, I know He doesn’ sleep, but you know wharrimean.
Diamond: One thing I have learnt so far is that when a man says he wants to be friends, it means he wants to be anything and everything but friends. When you tell a man that you have a boyfriend and he still insists on being your “friend,” it means he has no regards 4 u. That’s my story (theory) and I’m sticking to it.
ChiefO: For once, you have talked true talk!!! Really, why can’t they meet me in a range rover dealership ehn? Why??? And why not best buy while I’m looking @ my next camera which costs $1600? Why oh why? I will do as you said, Chief. Henceforth, I will boycot all parries.
Bumight: I don’t know what is up with me and these married men. In my XX years, I am yet to mess with a married man. Why all these shameless men take interest in me is beyond me. And no, honey that was not our date. I will call you on that. *wink, wink*
Life of a stranger: Yeah, I know!! Stories like this make me do more than wonder. They scare the heck outta me. They make me afraid of marriage.
Remi: Yes, girl, they’re both Yorubas. Shameful indeed, but I know for a fact that all our men – regardless of their tribes – can be very silly. These men are PATHETIC!!!
Ibiluv: Abi oh, my sister. They’re really silly.
Thank God for u o, Vera. Some women know these useless men are married, and they will still do. I wonder if they have heard that what goes around comes around. Odensons!
What date?… What date? Amebo like me. Enjoy ur weekend,babes.
Vera! My Vera, haha! Wetin sef, me I dont know for this men o. Me I scare o, I just really want to know why they do this. If you have a WIFE, you chose this said WIFE, why oh why will you CHEAT on her like that. If you no longer want her, LEAVE her, instead of acting like a fool and embarrasing your wife. To me they obviously lack all self respect. I kinda feel sorry for them though. They have self esteem issues and they need correct help. I just want a man like my Papa! A man with self respect!
that other mista is even married with a pregnant wife… he did not even try at all
we could just put him together with the one that just wants to screw cuz he’s obviously not getting some from his wife
OH MY GOOD LORD…Vera u have gone gangsta for real. all these pictures of me? eh! nw u got pple n bloggers thinking am psycho. anyho! i had mad fun at the naming and my fav. name for d baby is Oluwalayomi a.k.a Layo or Layomi…..
LMAO @ “may his soul rest in perferct stomach”
Vera u will never stop abi. The other time u said somebody resembles cabin biscuit, now it is goat..hmmm…okay oh!
This babe, you to funny.LMAO
Just to add!I am beginning to this Vera is ur alter ego; ur name is actually Funmi. Cos I notice you only have pictures of Funmi.
hmmm!!
oh, *sigh of relief*
I forgot to add that I went thru the pic and I know Janelia, and her bro too. very small world!
Fufu u re a fool. U are not even afraid that the Mr. I want to screw u might find this blog and beat ur ass. Me i will deny u and vera o. By d way, My favorite name 4 d baby is Oluwasemilore.
@ Vera, thanks for putting me out there o. U just had to say Busola said he looks like a goat. Look i can’t fight o. Do u want him to beat me and ur husband Mr. Sari up? U know what he said the last time i made an ignorant comment.( Busola, someone will beat us up with ur mouth one day)
and i was just about to say 2 you – vera, i just want to be friends..
pray, what were you drunk on since you said you didn’t take any alchohol?
yeye men. vera how person dey take resemble goat now, u sef u fit yap. that was some namin ceemony though, 6.am. wow
Nefertiti: Yes oh. What goes around does come around, but some of us don’t know. As 4 the date, Bumight and I will be going on a HAWT date. You know the babe cannot get enough of me.
Temite: Yeah, I really do think they have self esteem issues. Or something close 2 that. I don’t understand why they do that. No1 is putting a gun to your head and telling you to be married, so why get married and then cheat?? I dunno.
Talesandtallies: Me I don’t care if he’s getting some from his wife or not oh. Wetin come consign yansh with toothbrush? If he’s not getting some from his wife, that’s his cup of tea. I have nothing 2 do with it. He’s tryna make God unleash His wrath on me, abi? Lai lai
Funmie: Don’t worry, I’m sure they know you’re crazy already. I don’t think it’s anything new really. All those pictures of you are there as proof.
Mizchif: But na true I talk oh. He really does look like a goat, and it was Busola who brought it up anyway. Me, I’m just agreeing with her.
Mr. C: LOL. Very funny. A whole Igbo chic like me and you wan gimme Funmi? lol. I no be Funmi o. Funmi is crazy. I’m sane. I don’t even know how we’re still friends.
Bumight: Oh, you do?? Yeah, small world indeed girl. I’m sure we have even more mutual acquaintances. Ain’t that something?
Busola: As long as it’s only you and your husband that will get beaten up, then I’m fine. Me, I no fit fight oh. But I will call for help. And ehn, didn’t you say he looks like a goat? I was just tryna give you some credit, love.
Webround: lol. I was drunk on sunkist (orange soda). That was all I drank thru out the night. And I think I had a bottle of water too, that’s it. But uhm, we can be friends o
Rayo: Well, it’s Busola that said it first sha. But if you see him, you’ll understand. Yeah, the naming ceremony was definitely something else.
Vera im jealous! ur always having so much fun, from weddings to naming ceremonies all the time! lol. Na wa for married of men of these days sha. I tire. Meanwhile your friend is too funny. She definately was having a parri all by herself!
nawa o..u just keep reelin em in..i just hate hearin things like this, makes me not wanna get married!
the baby is so adowable!!!!! funmi had me crackin up!
It’s the wives I feel so bad for. Imagine the nonsense of commanding complete fidelity when one is incapable of it himself.
I wish you would put their pics on blast. Not that I’ll fall for that i wanna be friends line but it would be nice to be put on guard since the dc, md va is a small 6 degress of separation area.
Oh, thanks again for the Julius Agwu information. I really did have a lot of fun.
Vera me i’ve missed your blog. and Euwwwwwwwww to all those old men. I remember sometime when I was like 15, i was walkin on my street and this pot bellied man in his Hilux sent his driver to me..I was soooooooo disgusted cos it was obvious I was below consent age!!!! and the driver even had the guts to tell me, ‘ha my oga na senator oh!!’
i just hissed.
vera. i used to be hooked to your blog but these days, i just can’t stand it. it’s always about some married man chasing you. sometimes, i wonder if you make up these stories. abeg, make we hear word. if you have run out of ideas, stop blogging.
Lily
Na wah for all these married men. I attended a small gathering on saturday and I saw a man whom we all know is married and has a very pregnant wife at home, having his tummy rubbed by some girl in full view of everyone!
Vera, wetin you collect from Lily? Abeg return am o!
You should write a book titled “the men i meet”…lol
i jus got vera wang and am i excited or waat?is it bouquet or princess u want?i av ur addy already dnt wry,jus name it
lol, lilly wetin vera do u. is it because u dont have married men chasing u or wat? dont mind me. vera hasnt run out of ideas she is just a married men/ wierd men magnet.
NigerianDramaQueen: You can say that again. Funmi was definitely having fun allll by her self. I think she thought it was even her parry. lol. Feel free to come have fun with me oh. lol. I’m game. But hey, don’t be fooled by my blog. I’m not that much of a fun person.
Buttercup: Funmie is psycho, that’s all. My dear, these are not the kinds of men I wanna reel in biko. I want SINGLE men. God forbid that I date a married man. I no fit abeg. What nonsense!
Abbie: So you had fun ehn? I’m jealous. I wish I coulda made it 4 real, but oh well. Some other time. Some day, we’ll definitely meet. If I run into you anywhere, I’ll introduce myself. lol @ putting their pix on blast. Na respect I get for the hosts ooh….. if not —–
Mimi: LOL. Hahahaha. But babe, you dey lucky o. A whole senator??? Hahahaha. Aren’t senators supposed to “UPHOLD” the law – including the one that says it’s against the law to have sex with minors (abi isn’t that a law in Naija)? Kai. Nawa o
Lily: I apologize. Please, forgive me. I will seize blogging henceforth.
Lusciousron: LOL. Sad, innit??? I dunno what 2 do about this precasious situations that our marriages have found themselves in. Whatever happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Aloofar: I no collect anything oo! Dis kin attack sha…. lol.
Qmoney: Why are you tempting me with the Vera Wang perfume ehn??? Actually, I want Vera Wang by Vera Wang. But anyone is fine in fact. I must use that Vera name as a point of contact when praying. lol. LOL @ the book. I’m seriously thinking about it.
ChiefO: LOL. Leave “Lily” alone. He or she just wants me to blog about other things, but no be my fault na.
Vera.. why is it that you are the only one that always find a way to attract all these drama filled men.. Maybe you need to take a lesson from my sister Funmi on how to stay away from drama men..
What does his ethnicity has to do with him be a jerk? Actuality, I think he is an Ibo man that grew up in Lagos.
Anyhow, thanks for the laugh.. AM on the floor rolling.. I think I need to dust off my dating book and teach some of these naija men do and dont do and when to give up the playa card.
Vera.. why is it that you are the only one that always find a way to attract all these drama filled men.. Maybe you need to take a lesson from my sister Funmi on how to stay away from drama men..
What does his ethnicity has to do with him be a jerk? Actuality, I think he is an Ibo man that grew up in Lagos.
Anyhow, thanks for the laugh.. AM on the floor rolling.. I think I need to dust off my dating book and teach some of these naija men do and dont do and when to give up the playa card.
Mr. Xprexxion: You’re not serious @ alll. LOL. So Funmi is the person I should be taking lessons from?? Funmi herself is a drama queen. But yes oh, you need to teach these men some things abeg. lol @ him being an Igbo man. You’re in denial!