In Other News, Tim Howard Is A Total HOTTIE

My father would never believe that I am blogging about soccer of all things. Soccer! I had no interest in watching soccer when I was in Nigeria, and when I came here, I had no interest in any sport either. Then Igwe happened. That being said, I want to give special thanks to God for creating the perfection that is Tim Howard. I mean!

I watched the match between USA and Portugal and I literally cried when Portugal scored the equalizing goal 30 seconds before end time. Then I decided that I wouldn’t watch the USA/Belgium match because the thought of it alone was giving me heart palpitations. But I lied. I watched it. Every now and then, I’d run away from the television, but I’d run right back when it sounded like someone was about to score a goal.

USA’s goal keeper, Tim Howard was a beast on the field. He blocked a total of 16 goals, the most ever recorded in a world cup. But I was here to just look at him. I’d have been perfectly fine if all he did was stand there. I would have been satisfied with just staring at this fine specimen of a man. And that facial hair? Mm mm mm! You know how I feel about men with facial hair.

People have called him Captain America … Secretary of Defense … yesssss! He can defend me anytime! I have already told Igwe that he has competition (come to think of it, he always has competition). Tim Howard is an absolute hottie! McHottie. McSteamy. McCutie. McSexy. McWonderful. McFine. McMarryMe.

I’m stalking following him on Instagram. His mom is white. His dad is black. He’s married to Laura — for now. He also has kids — for now. I’ll ship them off to boarding school once I move in. His birthday is on March 6th 1979, and he’s 35. I’m totally in love. He’s plays for Everton, so I might abandon Igwe’s Chelsea and become a full blown Everton fan. Where has he been all my life?

Tim Howard for life! Tim Howard of Life! Tim Howard for President! Chief Commander! My baby daddy in my head. I don’t think I have ever fallen so in love with an athlete, especially a soccer player. In the world of athletics, I have loved Ray Lewis, Lebron James, Chris Andersen, Richard Sherman, Vincent Enyeama, and now, my biggest love of them all: Tim Howard.

I can just see it now: Vera Ezimora-Howard. Forget what I said about taking my husband’s name. When it’s Tim Howard, it doesn’t matter. I’m about to embark on a personal journey. It will be called, Howard For Vera 2o14. Gbam!