I mean, what is the FIRST thing that attracts you to a man? I completely believe that the first thing you know/notice about a person is what he or she looks like. Just by looking at this person, you know already if you like what you see or not. Does he have nice eyes? Do you love the way he smiles? Maybe his complexion? Or his hair? These are all things that I believe you’d notice – and possibly like – about a man first.
But it’s the opposite for me. My friend, Uju and I have had this conversation several times. Uju is first and foremost all about the looks (which I think is perfectly normal). Uju has to be physically attracted to you first before anything else can happen. By her own admission, she is vain. I don’t really think that she’s vain. I think she’s normal. In my own case, however, it starts with the mind. Basically, I have to talk to the guy first before I know if I am attracted to him or not. Even when I was younger and used to have crushes on boys, none of my crushes was based on looks. It was always something like, he’s funny, or he’s smart … etc.
The problem with liking a person’s mind first is that months into the relationship – if there ever is one – I realize, he’s really not fine. I have only been attracted to two men. One of them is now a very good friend of mine (and we never, ever dated), and the other one is Igwe. Every other person has just been okay, with the exception of one person that made my skin crawl – not the good kind. I’ll tell you about him another day.
The first thing I see, or maybe I should say, the first thing I pay attention to is really a man’s mind. I think it’s the most attractive thing ever. I want to know how he reasons, what he believes, and why he believes them. Because I am a blogger, you have no idea the kinds of conversations I have had with people and the kinds of assumptions people make about me because I blog. So yes, I want to know how a man’s mind works, and if he has a brain in his head — or if it has been replaced with butter.
I have heard many, many times that men are visual, and that they make their decisions based on what they see. So when a man walks up to a woman, it’s because she is pleasing to his eyes, not because she’s intelligent. Even if she’s someone in the public eye – example Beyoncé – his attraction to her isn’t because he knows she’s smart, but because she’s beautiful. If you are about to make fun of me for saying that Beyoncé is smart, don’t worry, you won’t be the first one. Some people feel like Beyoncé isn’t a smart woman, that she’s good at singing and nothing else. Well, I don’t know her, but I quite disagree. The woman is a millionaire. In my books, she’s doing something right, and it takes an intelligent person to do that. But I digress.
I want to know, what do you like first in a man? His chiseled jaw? His white teeth? His firm buttocks? His big hands? His big feet? His sparkly eyes? His smile? His height? His lips? What?
P.S. I used Michael Ealy’s picture because this man has a beautiful set of eyes. I could stare at them for days.
Vera, not all men are into visual, depends on the class of the guy..
It can also be separated into two categories for the guys, the dating period when mostly for fun and the settling down period..
The dating period works well with visual since we are not interested in internal stuff but “special effects” if am allowed to put it nicely..lol
But the settling period goes internal and not visual..
Of course we all want smart ladies
Pretty and presentable but not beautiful
Calm body language and not loud
Warm attitude but not over the top
Curious mind but not inquisitive
Many more should we start to dissect, yet visual will not take the priority..
So Vera, wrong assumption to think all men is about visual assets, quite wrong since some of us are vegetarians, so what are we going to do with such “special effects”???
+1
What a coincidence, check this report out… Interesting read..
http://www.ynaija.com/yes-men-notice-a-womans-breasts-but-only-after-checking-out-these-two/?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter
Well, I can actually believe that they notice eyes and smile, but that’s all part of the looks na, abi? It’s only natural to first look at a person’s face before anything else. But I totally see you noticing breast first. Lemme give your wife a call. She will confirm it.
Michael, so you agree with Fad?
Loooooooool. Fad, which one you no dey? Pretty but not beautiful, ke? Curious but not inquisitive? But why? I am very inquisitive oh. Igwe says I ask too many damn questions, but I cannot help it. My mom always says that the person who asks questions never gets lost, and since I don’t wanna get lost, I have to ask questions. And err, I am very, very beautiful. 😀
Now, to your other point, I am not referring to the settling down period. In fact, it’s safe to say that I’m even referring to the period BEFORE the dating. I’m talking basically the very, very first thing you see/notice in a woman. It doesn’t mean you want to date her. It’s just the thing that made you look.
And ehm, vegetarians ko.
I don’t like light -skinned men.
i’m just not comfortable with the idea… they come off as players.
and YES, i do agree that this might be/is a Funmie-problem. but ehn ehn??? LOL
All I’m going to say on this issue is: was Kpo-Kpo light skinned?
Okay, then 😀
Hmm Vera, before you go into exploring a mans mind, there has to be something first that catches you and makes you want to explore. If a guy walks up to you, what is the first thing about him that makes you want to continue with a conversation. It cant be the mind because that requires time.
I am also mostly attracted to guys minds…(intelligence or wit)..its a huge turn on for me..but first of all his general demeanor catches me. it may be his face (handsome or some feature of his face) or maybe the way he carries himself (confidently)…even with all that sef, his feet plays an important role too. After scoping his face and general stance, I always without fail look at his feet. (my sister I do not know why). I dont look out for expensive shoes because I cant tell the difference but the way his feet is arranged in whatever is on them plays a huge role. I have ugly feet (in my opinion) maybe that is why..lol
Izzie,
I feel the same way, too, but I’m telling you, it has never, ever been looks for me. If we go by looks, then half of the guys I talked to/dated would never, ever make it past hello with me.
And I think someone might have a foot fetish? Loool!
funmi its definitely a funmi problem lol
Uju, thank you for acknowledging.
I really enjoyed reading this; maybe because just yesterday evening my sisters and I teased each other about what we like in men. My older sister, we decided, is attracted to “strong men”; a man with really good, thick hair, a strong stern look, and a quiet, brooding attractiveness (think Chiwetel Ejiofor). No pretty boys for her ( Ashton Kutcher irritates her). I am the “vain one”; the one that likes pretty eyes and lovely hands and dimples and even white teeth and lovely handwriting and good diction and rich laughter and cleft chin and curly hair and…you get it; I’m the painfully hard-to-please one. Our youngest is the one that is like you; the one that is attracted to a man because she finds him intelligent and full of ‘Socrates-and-Aristotle’. AND, just like you, she would eventually realize; ‘this guy no fine o…’ Lol. Interesting. I’ll be back.
Hahahahahahaaha. I laughed out loud at her (abi us) realizing that this guy no fine oh. The struggle no easy at all! Lol. I’m definitely not anything like you. Fine hand writing, ke? Wetin consign me with that one? Lol. But to God be the glory, I have hooked an intelligent one that is also fine. Whew!
eyes and lips. then feet. I dont know why.
While I don’t usually look at a man’s feet, I understand why they would count. I have seen some nasty feet. Yuck!!! Eyes and lips, yaasssss!
How come none of you ladies is showing appreciation to a man with lump pack..
At least Vera too said once she hated men with six pack or flat tummy hence she adores Igwe with his lump pack, just like mine..
So ladies you don’t need to tell us you love men with lump pack, just add it to your criteria..
Just like me, I love legs, not feet just legs.. Se you know legs give the guys idea of what the journey will look like…. ( Pls don’t ask me where are we travelling to)
I said I hate men with six packs and flat bellies? Lol. I did not say that oh. But I don’t like skinny men. Oddly enough, I love women’s legs, too. I always assess a woman’s legs – but I do not do it for the same reasons as you. I have no journey I intend to go on between a woman’s legs. I have my own journey. Lol.
I love big hands that can hold me oh, and the lips too…yammy
The Guy in the photo is Black with Blue Eyes and a square head..interesting….