While I know no1 cares 2 know this, I still feel the need to tell everyone that I am on my flippin period! Yes, I said it. It started yesterday…and it came along with the cramps. I don’t always have cramps, and even when I do, they are almost never as intense as it was yesterday. I guess I’ve been under a lot of stress….with planning my wedding to NaijaBloke and all.
In case you’re wondering how come I’m getting married to NaijaBloke when I already stated that my baby, Hugh Jackman is ‘the one’, well, it’s really quite simple. You see, Bloke and I are perfect for each other. We love each other dearly and we see things from the same perspective. We’re both confident in what we have, so he lets me do my thing with Hugh Jackman and I let him do his thing with Patience Ozokwor. Somehow, my finace cannot get enuff of Patience Ozokwor; I think it’s because of the phat booty on her. But anyways…Hugh understands my situation because he is married himself. Therefore, married or not, I will still see my baby, Hugh Jackman.
Now, speaking of my fiance, Bloke, whoever knows him should go and warn him oh! Cause all this one that he is planning on buying me a ring from the flea market with a ‘ruby like’ thing on it, I no send o! Bloke, don’t make me call this wedding off o! After all, you’re not the only fish in the sea ah ah. Just the other day sef, Joel proposed 2 me. Take time o!
Back 2 my cramps…they r killin me! My waist feels like I’m pulling 200 pounds, and I cannot take it anymore! I need a waist rub ASAP. Where is that NaijaBloke when you need him sef?! Is there anyone out there who is willing to give me a waist rub? This is ridiculous. And because today is my second day, I anticipate a fowl mood. I’m gonna be snapping @ everyone for everything. Too bad Busola is the one who will suffer it cause I’m spending the day with her. Hehehehehe.
So how are y’ll preparing for thanksgiving tomorrow? I don’t eat turkey, but I bake one every thanksgiving. I usually taste it, of course, but that’s as far as I am willing to go. I just spiced up my turkey some minutes ago and put it in the fridge to marinade. I’ll wake up early tomorrow morning and put it in the oven; you know it takes forever and a day to bake. I believe it’s an hour for every 4 pounds right? And my turkey weighs 19.7 pounds, so that’s about 4 hours and 40 minutes.
I gotta say that seasoning the turkey wasn’t easy @ all. I felt so dirty! There I was sticking my entire fist into this poor thang. I wasn’t even ‘fingering’ it; I was ‘fisting’ it. Yes, all pun intended. But I think the turkey is a freak! At one, point, I heard it moan! Or maybe that was just Bloke moaning. He was watching a Naija movie with Patience Ozokwor and she makes him as hard as Chinese calculus. Even I can’t elicit such a result!
Meomeo’s sister had a beautiful baby girl yesterday. I haven’t seen her (the baby) yet, but I know she is beautiful. The naming ceremony is on tuesday….yay! My excitement isn’t because the baby will be officially named, but rather that I will get 2 eat some party food. What’s so special about a naming ceremony? After all, I didn’t have one and look how GREAT I turned out. Hmmm, I hope they make that spicy goat meat. Perhaps, I should go with my own plastic plates for the take-away food. Hmmmmm….. *thinking*. I realize some (if not all) of you must be wondering, ‘who the hell is Meomeo?’; well, worry not…just know his name is Meomeo. And no, he isn’t a cat!
Alright….off I go. My waist is pulling me down. I’ll be back tomorrow to put up before and after pictures of my turkey. Lemme know if you want a slice.
U will call off wetin I hear after all the preparations …u know how much I dan spend for this ceremony.My credit union almost turn their name into Debit union just cos of me ..abeg if na play make u stop am o …. babayyy(emphasis of the “bayyy”) u know rubbing ya waist is no problem cos u know where the rubbing of the waist always lead to but this condition wey u been dey no go benefit both of us,so make we do biko shift the waist rubbing to like 4 or 5 days(counting from yesterday) and consider ya whole body rubbed by the ruba dub master.
vera i for call u wish u happy turkey orgy o but this probation wey u dey go dey make u talk nonsense. naijabloke is rubbing that 200lbs booty of urs? naijabloke u go wound o! i guess she didnt tell u it was all that innit.
Bloke: Ruba dub master? You’re funny! Oh, so you won’t rub my waist unless there is a scoobie snack @ the end ehn? So that’s how you feel ehn? Okay o. Lemme see you touching me again and I will show you shege banza
Chief: I’m warning u o! One more word about my booty and you will cry. Leave my booty 4 me o! Na so God make am…not that I am saying it’s big as you have said, but leave my booty ooooo
LMAO!!
Come, sef, when did all this luv between you and NB start ehn? every blog I visit, its all ‘my baby, naijabloke this’ and ‘naijabloke that’! So I guess I better start preparing for the world’s first blog- wedding?!
as for the period thing, nne I know how you feel, o! anyi atago afufu!
Fiance Snatcher… so this is where you came to hide abi.. you think you can use your green eyes to come and take my own property… I was with Naijabloke before he started growing hair on his dick oh so you can’t just erase all our history just like that… I won’t take that.. NaijaBloke.. you have to apologize to me for letting this girl come in and break up our happy home… a home built on agidi jollof and sweet kaduna zobo… remember when I used to dance for you NaijaBloke… remember when your mustache was growing sideways and i helped you to comb it… remember when i went with you to the hairstore and pretended the jerry curl belonged to me because I didnt want that woman to make fun of you… dont let vera come in and destroy our happy life together… We already have a joint account worth over 1000 Naira in raw cash… that’s too much to let go for Vera…
Vera… I’m getting you arrested for causing havoc in my ‘almost-matrimonial’ home and for making my NaijaBloke unromantic towards me.. he no longer sings me Femi Akinpelu melodies… he no longer buys me puff puff on his way home from work… You have caused me emotional and chemical pain and breakdown!!!
LOL!!!! NB and Verastic = MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. What a fantastic arrangement, you guys can do your own thing on the side!
NB, you better report to Vera’s needs SHARPISH and rub her waist MY FRIEND!
As for tohkiii (turkey), Please post some to me… I will give you my details. I want to see the pictures, maybe I can lick my monitor and taste some of that.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, hope your cramps fade away…
Ha!!!!!!!!Wind don blow, now, we don see fowl yansh!
NB, so o, this is what you’ve been up to? All those nights you will come in at 2am and tell me you had to do overtime at work, this is what you have been up to? Oloun mu e. I told you i’m divorcing your ass abi, now I will make sure I take the houses, the cars, the yatchs and everything else. So, you’ve been blowing our savings on Vera and ONB? I see! You will hia wen! You bigamist!
vera u see wat ur long throat has caused this guy. bcos of you he will loose a wife and forfeit an “almost matrimonial” union. and to think u had learnt your lesson with the past episodes of love trianglar spheres u’ve been involved in. now i know better.
naijabloke abeg come and defend this attack on ur noble person o. someone is trying to paint ur name multicolored.
hold up!
WAIT A MINUTE
when did all this start with vera and NB…eehhhhhnnnnnnn?????????? who gave yall permission to be romancing each other…you guys are not serious! this union is BANNED o…
Beautifully Human: Nwa nne’m, we didn’t forsee it o! It just happened. One minute we were blogging back and forth, and the next minute, true love blossomed. You should see the way he looks @ me, girl. And yea, anyi atago ezigbo afufu
Overwhelmed: All this one you dey talk na oyibo. Bloke and I have something that you two never had…more than 1000 naira! You can sue me 4 allll you want; that one consign you oh. If he were yours, he wouldn’t be with me, would he? You berra just fashy whatever you THINK you have with Bloke, cause he is MY Bloke, and that’s the end! After all, he does a lot more 4 me than he has eva done 4 u.
Ask him about the time he made love 2 me while I was on my period. Ask him about alll the kuli-kuli he gets me all the time. Ask him him about the fresh ugu he plucks 4 me. Ask him o! Ask him about the pure water he lets me drink. In short, your case don close sef. I dunno why I am here discussin this sef
Buki: Better pesin. Thank you jare, my sister. I will post some turkey 4 you, but of course, Overwhelmed (thief!) will not get anything. My cramps are a lottt better – thank God.
Desola: Na which breeze come blow you inside this love now? Mind ya sef o! You’re married 2 which Bloke? Not mine! You berra wake up and smell that lalalala you’ve been smoking o. Make u smell am well well because Bloke has never been married. *hisses*
Chief: Yes, let him lose it all. After all, I’m worth more than all of them combined sef. Overwhelmed is just jealous and Desola is plainly delusional. *hisses*
Diamond: What God has almost joined together, let no Diamond put asunder! And make I tell you now that adversity heightens passion oh, so all this one you dey make na just noise. Bloke and I are in love…FINISH!
hmmmmmmmmm na wa o. this thing is seriouser than i once thot. desola and overwhelmed. its official, vera has claimed the underpriced bull called bloke.
Maybe it’s just me, but I wonder how Naijabloke could be attracted to a green eye?
Hmmm, he appears to be the hot guy on the block.
I’m jealous
Orisirisi has been going on here. Since i’ve been away, warris all this going on? NB i see u’re a pimp daddy see how all these gals are tripping over you. VERA all i can say is this is all ur fault. See what u’ve done? Besides, who wants to know whether u’re on ur period or not? Do i announce or does anybody on blogspot for that matter announce when they’re on their period? Nonsense.
You are going for a naming ceremony on Tuesday and you’re not thinking of the gifts u will but to welcome baby into the world but the ‘orishirishi’ that will be available at the gbedu. Na wa for u oh!! ODE!!!
This ya romance with Naija Bloke na wa oh. Make una rub am sofly sofly oh.
Chief: Abeg helep me tell them o…cause I don’t think they’re getting it thru their heads that Bloke and I are 2gether 4ever.
Azuka: Yes, it’s just you o! What do u know sef? Do you how many people (including yourself) are wishing they could have a green eye? Dey there o! If you had taken out d time 2 appreciate me, you’d have known that I’m much more than d green eye, but 2 late! Bloke beat you 2 it. Now, you’ll live the resta ur life wondering…. what if…???
Bijoux: People wanna know when I’m on my period o! And I dunno why you’re asking me that question considering the fact that it was just a week ago that you called me and asked me when I was expecting my period because you were yours hadn’t come and you were wondering if they thing you did in the dark had finally come 2 light….hehehehe
Calabar Gal: So you’ve hopped on the band wagon of the people calling me ode ehn? You’ll regret this o! Don’t forget that you’ll still need me to give you one side of my cream cookie, and one side of my Nasco wafers. Don’t 4get o!
Who’s talking about falling for you, Vera? You flatter yourself!
I’m talking of the attention NB is getting from the ladies!
Green eye? Tufiakwa / olorun ma je / …
See my life now!!!..
@Chiefo .. when I no be “Efrebo” How I wan wound..I am capable ..
@Vera na for the enjoyment of both of us naw.cos by the time I rub da thing,u go dan ready to shake da damn thing and as Mr lecturer ..I wont be able to resist..LOL
@Beautifully ..abeg stop hating jere
@ONB.. my dearest sweetie ..U no say we dan talk abt this thing now,say make I dey maintain both of una now ..u know I cant just let go of that bow leg of urs now ..but which one be all my biznes u come dey put out now.
@Desola..chie ..well no be ma fault now..that young chap wey u dan dey follow nko,but asper the divorce ..nuthn like that o..LOL.we go settle am when I reach house.
@Xoxo …abeg small small abuse ma Verastic o ..and u remember we get date o ..LOL
NB ur own don pass P I M P oh it has evolutioned to P I M Q. u never settle vera u don dey talkabout date with bijou. even if u go follow all of them leave vera out o. u are only her underpriced bull while it last. cos na so oscar do so tey him die and she move forth.
Okay. Naija Bloke clear road. BabaAlaye is taking over.End of Story.
NaijaBloke: You’re not serious @ all o! I’m bout 2 dump you for real. Too many gals r claiming you…and you’re not even denying them!
Chief: Abeg helep me to warn him about how mean I can get o. If he doesn’t take his time, I will burn his house down.
BabaAlaye: Just say the word and I’ll be yours. I’ll dump Bloke in a second. It’ll be soo fast, his head will spin. Just say the word!
chinese calculus? lol