Dear KennKnotty,
I like your name. I tend to think of it more as KennNaughty. Naughty Kenn. I like it. The fact that your profile picture is of your lips certainly tickles my imagination. I hope you find this post to be as “mouth-watering” as you said you would. On Monday, I woke up feeling particularly damp between my legs. I did not need to think too far or for too long to figure it out: Ms. Flow was either around or was very, very near. And so, I went to pee, partly because I wanted a chance to wipe myself and confirm my suspicion, but mostly because it was morning, and I had to pee anyway. The red-stained white tissue confirmed my suspicion. Thankfully, however, my underwear was not stained. A few minutes more, it would have been a different story.I decided to do the only thing I could do at that time [in this particular order]: wash my underwear, brush my teeth, wash my face, and then, take a shower. After which I padded my underwear with one Always ultra light, long pad. It would protect my underwear from blood stains for about five to six hours (less if I dare to pee). Just to clarify, the pee does not go on the pad, just Ms. Flow.
The rest of the day had me running to the bathroom about every other hour in an attempt to empty my bowels. So much for changing my pad every five to six hours. You see, Ms. Flow often brings with her a mysterious case of diarrhea. It’s the strangest thing, I tell you. Sometimes, I poop out something that’s the size of half of my pinky. So little. A total waste of tissue and pads. In addition to the mysterious diarrhea, Ms. Flow also brings with her mood swings, stomach upsets, stomach discomfort, something that feels like the vibration of my waist, an intense need for a massage on the small of my back, and a general feeling of restlessness.
On Monday, I had planned on going to see a movie – Death At A Funeral, but I just couldn’t make it. Apart from having to run to the bathroom every other hour, I suddenly became pissed off and restless. I would have given and done almost anything to just be held and cuddled. Or at least, comforted, even if through a phone. And I thought to myself, ‘What would KennKnotty think?’ I concluded you’d think I’m becoming mushy again. A girl cannot help it. After all is said and done, a girl is still a girl. She still bleeds between her legs. She still becomes unusually emotional when she bleeds. She still smiles at KennKnotty’s picture. But most of all, a girl still sends her consolences to KennKnotty over the loss of his precious, precious daddy.
Now, a girl has to go back to bleeding. Tomorrow is the last day.
Can i first say….FIRST!
Jeez! I know we all bleed and all but hot damn! Talk about TMI! lool
Besides, what did Naughty ken do that you wrote this for him?
LWKMD @ the post n @ Fabs comment.
Vera I knw say u craze but nt to this extent…lol
Ermm rather graphic much but a funny read. Can so relate, but pads r nt it anymre o.
Fabulola: My friend, shattap there! Why are you making it sound like I'm punishing him by dedicating a bloody post to him? He asked for this. I have only obliged. And just for that, I will not say congratulations on being first!
Miss Enigma: LOL. It's all for the love of KennKnotty. My mother says tampons are for women who have lost their virginity. I wouldn't want her thinking such of me, so no tampons for me! LOL. Well, that's not the real reason. I'm just used to pads, that's all. Well, there's this other reason, too, but contrary to popular belief, I don't put everything on my blog. LOL.
graphic much???…..TMI much?? Only you!!!
LOL..whoa.I kept thinking you'd say it wasn't you. This was a lot of info sista. The joys of the monthly visitor.
TMI!!!
o girl you can write sha… you've turned a tedious monthly something into a good read… well done!
vera na wa o, like taynment said, i kept thinking it wasnt u.
so why a bloody dedication?! u dis girl sha!
lol @ tampons for non-virgins, tres funny!!!
PS: u forgot my birthday!!!!
Men read this blog 2 nw … haba!
wishing you soonest recovery … lol
I shouldn't have read this while having breakfast !!!
Loving this post,you are truly my sister from another mother. I am sure kenknotty would like this.
Oh and yes in Kano its 7 bikes per pedestrian. lol…As for Kilishi, dont say I didnt tell you oh. 🙂
Somewhere in his youth or childhood…KennKnotty must have done something good….
Happy end of flow tomorrow.
First of all who is KennKnotty and why is he inspiring such posts?!!
Damn, TMI abt the diarrhea! I have never actually heard of that happening btw. Vera is everything okay?!
Na wah oh!
lol@ tampons for non-virgins
I also have diarrhea when Ms. Flow show face oh. Graphic
You know a year or two ago I would have screamed VERA! but now? NAA….just say it as it is jare, all this unnecessary mystery sef.
Am really really lost for words! Flabberwhelmed is the right word. Verastic dedicating a post to me? Now am really tearful. Wish dad who loved reading were alive to read this.
Vera, even ur excitement when Timaya kissed ur wrist no reach my own right now…Thanks for ur love. It's prompt.
Ms. O: Only me, yes. It's all in the name of KennKnotty.
TayneMent: LOL. It was me oh! It's still me. As I type this now, I feel a little moist. LOL.
Anonymous: But you read it [to the end] 🙂
Gidan Nodza: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am honored. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.
Omotee: It was me oh! I forgot your birthday?? Darnnnnnn!!!!!!! I am so mad at myself honestly. Chei. How we go take fix this problem na?
Musco: Hahahaha. Yes, I know men read this blog. This particular post is dedicated to a man. But I'm sure you enjoyed the post. Tehehe. LOL @ wishing me a recovery.
Caramel D: Wharris that supposed to mean? Are you trying to say you didn't enjoy this post? It didn't make your breakfast yummier? LOL.
Mamuje: You and I need to check our DNAs… just in case *wink, wink* And yes, I still maintain that I don't want to know about kilishi! I shall eat it tire.
Nutty J: Thank you, thank you, thank you. LOL @ happy end of flow. Thanks! Meanwhile, KennKnotty has been good to me. Plus, he asked for this post.
EDJ: You've never heard of the diarrhea, really? Well, sometimes, it's not diarrhea per se, it's more like too-frequent trips to the bathroom.
The Girl With The Red Hair: Ehen, thank you! EDJ said she has never heard of diarrhea with Ms. Flow. See, I'm not alone. I think I need to put up a post about tampons and virgins.
Myne: Abi oooo! Nne, dalu. I knew you'd understand. Maybe next time, I'll put pictures up *sticking tongue out*
Kenn-Knotty: Kenn!!!!!!!! Hia, biko, I don't think I would want your dad to read this kind of post oh. LOL. I don't know what he'd think of me (and you, considering that your name is in the post). That said, I'm happy you're happy. And if your happiness pass my happiness from Timaya's kiss (which, by the way, has faded) then may God be praised! 🙂
Vera, the diarrhea part (while very very true) did not need to be read while I was eating oatmeal!!!!
As I type this comment, I'm there oh..
What I hate most are the spots that come up and I now get this blotted look and sudden love for food.
and ofcourse, the toilet becomes mt bedroom.
But you madam sef!You do know how to bring out the nitty gritty oh..
I love you!
virgins can and do use tampons. Just ask some of the highschool swimmers and cheerleaders that won't allow their period to stop them from participating . Several of my high school classmates stated using them while in highschool and we talked about it often. I was too scared to join them then.
I started using them 2 yrs ago @ 20and i love them. I can't use anything else during day time hours. While i sleep, i use pads.
It baffled me, when a family friend that has bore children, told me she would never use them, because she was so scared . Shouldn't it be easier for the "more" experienced folks? may be i am missing something, cause i don't get it.
Vera! boldly going where others dare not. Nice one.
lol@tampons are for non-virgins
@Kennknotty…my condolences
Lol, can't stop laughing.
omg!
go on gurl…keep being brave n write 4 us all…lol…
well-written dear and in your xteristic manner..
de diarrhea na serious matter, it's easily the most annoying part of it all, IMO..
and the 'they' tell you it will become easier and the pain non-existent after childbirth..
imagine the disappointment when this turns out to be, oh so false..i'm so jaded now..lol
Thanks to you Vera, as though having a period EVERY month isn't enough, I now think of you when she arrives!
Glad to know I'm not the only one that gets the sh*ts during AF!
Cool blog, I'll definitely be back, 🙂