Saturday: I attended a fab wedding @ Sheraton Hotel. I wore a burgandy evening gown. Hair done – almost, make-up flawless – I think, and feet hurting – definitely. The wedding was nice. Food was nicer. The music was the nicest. My mother was one of the people on the “high table.” So there I was standing in front of the high table talking to my mom when one of the men on the high table interrupted my conversation with my mom.
Him: Hello, my dear, what is your name?
Me: Vera
Him: And how old is Vera?
Me: XX
Him: Oh, really? Well, Vera, I have a few friends that are looking for wives.
Me: *smiling….what was I supposed to say???*
Later on, I was sitting solo by my table, watching the guests dance when Mr. Wife Finder came and pulled me off my seat without notice or permission. My mother was at the high table laughing @ me; she could see the look on my face. This man put his hands on my waist and said, “Oh, baby girl, you can dance! You’re so beautiful. I can’t believe no one has married you yet.” I just jejely removed his hands from my waist. So what was the problem with this man, you ask?
1. HE IS MARRIED
2. His wife was also present at the wedding.
3. When he was at the table interrupting my conversation with my mom, his wife was there. Not only was she there, but she was seated between him & my mom, so he had to literally stretch over his wife to talk to me.
4. He’s not young. He couldn’t be less than ten years younger than my father.
5. He’s short. With my heels, I was taller than him (and I’m 5′ 5″)
6. His wife is wayyyyy taller than both of us. She had to be about 5′ 11″ (I was thinking to myself that this woman fit vex just knack our heads join together.)
The man was so fascinated by me that I was uncomfortable. Which kin yeye wife is he finding for his friend? Nonsense!
SUNDAY: I attended a huge graduation party. The celebrant graduated from med school. Awesome!! As usual, I went armed with my camera and dance steps. I was taking pictures when some man came to me and said, “I love the way you’re doing what you’re doing.” I just assumed he was referring to my dancing because it would have been really lame if he was talking about the way I was taking pictures. Later on, he started asking me all those yeye questions… Are you Nigerian? Oh, really? What part of Nigeria? Oh, so do you speak Igbo?….blah blah blah. He went his way, only to return later while I was dancing alone. The thing about dancing alone is that it allows all these nuisances to bug ya. This man started dancing some moves ehn… hmmm. To say that I was embarrassed would be the understatement of the day. My facial expression obviously didn’t hide it. Uju was laughing @ me. My mom was laughing @ me. My mother’s friends were laughing @ me. Whew! When I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him I had to go take more pictures. The problem?
1. He was old! He already had white hair sprouting from his eyebrows.
2. He was short. I was taller than him.
3. He could not dance to save his life.
4. He threw four dollars on me, and when the person picking the money attempted to pick up the $4, the man vexed ehn! Wetin sef? Na on top four dollars I go dey collect public embarrassment? Mba o.
5. He is probably married too. I have no proof. This is just a safe assumption, although his marital status didn’t matter because he was a no-no!
Monday: I was having what was supposed to be a professional conversation with some African American guy. He told me he was getting married in February, and we were discussing his options for tuxedo rentals, colors, etc. Next thing, he interrupted me in the middle of my sentence to say, “I’m sorry for interrupting you, but you got such a pretty smile.” That kinda caught me off guard, but I said thanks. Then he said, “You’re so beautiful.” At this point, my eyebrows were raised. Then he said, “I know I’m getting married soon and I shouldn’t be flirting with you, but you’re just so beautiful.” I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept saying “thanks.” At the end of the conversation sha, he apologized for making me feel unconfortable. The problem with this dude?
1. He’s almost married.
2. He’s obviously prone to cheat.
3. He’s probably cheating already with someone else.
Anyway, so I assume this is all the handwork of God. He must think I’m finding this funny. Well, in all honesty, I am. What other choice do I have??
P.S. On Sunday, June 8th, I attended the christening of Uju’s handsome nephew, Jordan. I’ve been forgetting to mention that you can view the pictures at http://www.verastic.shutterfly.com/
Lol!!!
Vera, you must really be a hot babe o!
see why I said you should have held on fast to MR KISSER? Lmao!!!
Bumight: No thanks! LOL. When I find someone to hold on to, I will hold on to him. I refuse to complicate my life with the likes of Mr. Kisser and/or married men. Tufia kwa! And this one no be about being hot oh, lol. This is just about a few uncontrollable men.
What’s up with these white-haired married men??? Lolllll…u’re right God has a sense of humor. He’s prob trying to tell u that u’ll get the opposite…lolll…
U’re so dashingly beautiful that u’ve got married men all tongue-tied, ehn Vera!!!!!!!! Lolll…
Love ur bloggie vewwy much!!!
Have a blessed week ahead, and stay away from married men!
Hi there, navigated through Jaycee’s blog. This had me laughing so loud and hard – married, almost married, white haired sprouting man and from eyebrows sef! kai……
Too funny.. yup and God does have a sense of humour! oh my too funny. I’m sending it to some friends to read. Stay blessed
lol!… ull be alright!
Jaycee: Sweetie, God knows I have been running away from these married men. I refuse to come between what God has joined together abeg. I’ve been running away, but they keep following me. LOL. But if it means that I will get the opposite, then let them keep coming. Amen!!!
Remi United Kingdom: My dear, can you just imagine the likeness! White hair from the eye brows ooo… do you know the kin old wey you go old b4 white hair begin to dey comot for ur eyebrows? LOL. Hahaha. Anyway, I’m just gonna be laughing along with God.
nOTjUSToK: lol. Yes, I will surely be alright. Hehehe.
U have become a ‘guy magnet’ now abi u no know? Continue pulling. Very soon,you’ll be pulling the correct ones. LOL!!
Vera – stop bugging me for an update. U know who!
Vera which one u dey? When did u become married/old/not good looking men magnet? Which kind jazz u dey use cos e be like say time don reach to change am oh! e no dey work. We want good looking unattached guys, no be all those yeye fowls.
1st you had a run-in with jr… now you’re having with…er… the senior citizens… you’re like a brand… with your own commercial
Are you looking for someone to dazzle your life with a smile…
Are you on the move and appreciate someone that can keep up the pace…
Would you love to be with some who dares to capture life’s moments
WELL LOOK NO FURTHER….
Whether you’re old and graying on the sides…
or you’re young and a bit too fresh for your own good…
Vera is the one for you
infact… I just found out about movie maker… hmmmm….
Anonymous: I dunno who o! You berra reveal yourself. Needless 2 say, you need to update b4 I just vex & do it myself.
Sting: My sentiments exactly! I no come use any jazz oh. Could it be something written on my forehead? Could it be my olay lotion? LOL. It better change oooo!
Diamond Hawk: LOL. If no be say I don pikin God pikin ehn, I for don send thunder to fire you seven times. But this your commercial is funny! Vera is the one whether they’re old & graying or young & fresh. *nonsense*
babe,na u dey reign!!!!!!! na u biko. after u na soludo!
when u are too foineeeee and u can dance very well.lolllll
its good virtue jare
Vera, stop showing off… we get it – YOU ARE HOT! The young boys want you, the old men want you… you are on FIRE!
P.S. Thanks for checking up on me 🙂
I was probably updating as u were typing on my blog…lolll…pls don’t report me…:)
Yepa!!!
This Vera must be hot, i mean HOT!
Sometimes I try to imagine the faces behind all these fabulous blogs i read everytime.
I won’t be surprised, at any point of contact, to see a lady with a well-chiseled frame, with patented legs, insurable endowments (both on shore and off shore) revealing a well-arranged dentiton to say… “Oh, u’re AlooFar, I’m Vera”
You see, my curiosity is hitting the roof already. I’m sure u won’t disappoint. If otherwise, visit a surgeon before that day. i don talk my own now!
lol @ ur mum… she must be a warm person. i can imagine some other mums. hmmmm, u go hear wen!
how r u?
ahahahah Aloofar plss stop making this mumu feel important….. she’s fine, yes maybe hot…. she has a huge asss…yea…..
she’s boobylicious…. yea……pretty face…yea…can dress…yea…..banging boby..yea…..manless…yea….. desperate…..uhmmmmmm yea…….looking for a man …yeap….. looking for a man really bad! yeap.( ah! dat was supposed to be a secret)
wondering why she attracts married men?… its the yansh… her ass is igboloicious…..
ok,am done.But ma girl is hot and any man coming closee betta be ready to compliment her… plss no short men and no ugly people…. hey! but we are taking applications for “mr total packages”….ahahahahha, ma yansh is grassed.
Florida: You don kolo finish. Instead of you to be cussing the men out, you’re telling me na me dey reign. *hiss*
Dark ElCee: Good virtue? But why can’t my good virtue attract young, handsome, UNMARRIED men, ehn? I don’t like the way the women look @ me ooo!
London Buki: LOL. I wish this was about me being hot, but it’s not! It’s about me urging you people to go and warn all these men (young & old) to stop following me before I invoke the wrath of God on their lives. Trust you’re doing great sha.
Jaycee: Okay, since you begged, I won’t report you then. But let it not repeat itself again ooo!
Aloofar: Stop picturing me like that oh. I’m really nothing to write home about. For some reason, all these nonsense married men keep trying to use me as an excuse to break up their home, but I reject them in Jesus name. I no go follow another woman man o, abeg. I don’t want the wrath of God to fall on me. But now that you have mentioned it, I will surely visit the surgeon b4 I meet ya.
Funmie: Will you be home later today…say about 6PM? I’ve got some SERIOUS beating to give you. How dare you say I’m desperate for a man? That was supposed to be a secret! LOL.
lmao…dont know why but the imagined scene of the man’s wife jamming ur 2 heads together has me cracking up here…
Vera darling…Biko I was just jejely looking at the pictures when this dude.mennnnnn the dude idikwa fine oh, caught my eyes and ears….the dude odikwa tall is is making butterfly float in my belly…
naa who is this dude in no 19???
Babe, cool down with no 19…I have seen another one in no 26!!!
His tattoo is making me all girlie….
Afrobabe: LOL. You’re too funny. Me sef, I was laughing @ the picture of the woman knacking both of our heads together. Okay, I have cooled down on number 19. Number 26 is Uju’s brother, UD. He’s a bad boy o! Well, you sound like you like them bad boys anyway, lol.
U r so beauriful, thats y the men cant resist you my love. Meanwhile, I have updated and PLEASE stop hounding me. THANKS!
Why are all these guys unashamedly chasing Vera like this oooh?
Temmy Tayo: I don’t think this is about being beautiful o! I mean, I’d love to think of myself as dashingly beautiful, but heck, who are we kidding? LOL. These men are just being….well, you know. I don’t wanna say they’re just being men cause I don’t wanna believe they’re all like that. But the thought is certainly scary.
Andy: It’s because God has a sense of humor. He just feels like humoring me, that’s all. For now, I’m laughing.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,now u decided not to be a cradle snatcher,the erm erm erm older ones are coming ur way,dont worry,by d next time u update,it would be d middle aged correct one!!
if u are 5″5 and someone is shorter than u (mayb w/out ur heels) then like u said Mba nu!!!Okwia?
Lol…you are just wife material and the fact that either married or almost married men want u, proves it!
Lol, but this is funny sha
QMoney: Yes oh, mba nu. So now that the youngins have come & gone, the old men have also come & gone, I hope that the “normal” people will start coming any time soon. LOL
NaijaBabe: LOL. Well, dis kin love sha, me I no come understand oh. Wife material ke? Well then, why can’t the single eligible bachelors that do not wanna rape my lips with a kiss find me as wife material, ehn? Am I asking for too much.
VERA IS A HOTTIE. The young ones want her. The old ones adore her. The married tease her. The almost married flirt with her. VERA IS A HOTTIE.
Wow! You seem to have good taste in men. Wont date a younger person or a married man. Nice.
Erm…I have updated.
NigerianDramaQueen: I see you’re using me to write poetry abi? LOL. The married men tease me ko irritate me ni. LOL. Look, no dey use my predicament to dey write poetry oh.
Key-Shawn: Yeah, I really don’t like younger men, and married men…shoot! They have nothing to offer, nothing but trouble & heart attack.
Naijaleta: Okay, thanks.
So you want to come and brag about your charms that gave u the audacity to steal the only man i ever loved!?!
i wont stand for this… somethin needs to be done!!!!
Overwhelmed Naija Babe: My love, it’s not my fault o! And in my defense, I did not steal anything [anyone] that did not want to be stolen. It’s obvious he came on to me. No vex, ehn? I will dash you the married man I met on Saturday…unless you prefer the Sunday one, of course.
Pardon me for being anonymous. I’m not a member. I stumble onto your blog thru http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com while reading comments about nigerian females in London (what do women really want? by Ephraim Adinlofu)…I stumble into that website too while reading about Celestine Omehia, Rivers former governor who was removed from office by the Supreme court of Nigeria thru http://www.sunnewsonline.com and thisdayonline.com after I googled Celestine Omehia. I should have exited the site but I proceed clicking other categories and….I got to your website (it’s the world wide web). I think your comments are really funny regarding the older married men at the wedding. It’s hilarious you’re running from them and they literally chasing you. 🙂
Kai vera na only you dey?!!!
Naijaleta dey write ex and oh cuz of u…
Rugrats dey chase you…
The old ones dey r track…the married ones and almost married come dey salivate..ahnahn!
Remain small make I join the crew…
Vera, I swear it wouldnt stun me if u say babes are now runzing walahi!
babes u know its all love right?
Anonymous: You don’t have to apologize for being anonymous oh. I realize that people will wanna be anonymous, which is why I have given that option. Your journey to my blog is funny and familiar. I have reached several websites just by clicking and clicking. Evetually, I end up somewhere totally different. But hey, I’m glad you stopped by. LOL. Make sure you come by more often.
Charizard: LOL. Biko no babes o. LOL…well, @ least, not yet anyway. I dunno why all these yeye people are following me. Why not a proper ELIGIBLE man now, ehn? I no like this thing o.
LMAOOOOOOOOOO.. What a funny post.. Some mothers do have them.. 🙂
Lee: Yeah, babe, you’re right. I dunno what else to say. LOL.
http://chiomamom.blogspot.com/2008/06/your-man-bridesmaid-caught-in-act-day.html
Hello, glad to announce to you that you’ve been tagged. Well they told me to tag five other people and you are one of the people I always think about. Okay that’s not really true. Okay, whatever, I was just trying to give you a reason why I tagged you and it’s not because you’ve done anything wrong. Hope you enjoy the meme.
Soo, apparently, there’s something about you that shouts “Drop dead gorgeous + sexy”. You are getting solicitations from younger guys and older men. Apparently, thats not what you want…
Hmm, now I’m confused.
What do you want?
Anonymous: I guess I should go check that link out. I’m afraid of what I might find there.
Naijaleta: LOL. Thanks. How sweet of you to tag me. *rolling eyes* I’ll go check it out. Hehehe
Tobenna: I want solicitations from eligible bachelors that are in my age group. No 18 year olds, no men that can be confused as my father, and definitely NO married men.
Vera,
U’re simply hooooooooooooooooooot!
PrinceKay123: LOL. I surely hope so.
Guys….Men, something about us abi..
Just wondering if you felt flattered by the attention or insulted by it. Seems the latter to me, and rightly so. Only back home…No ring, open all hours
Ababoy: You’re right; I most certainly did not feel flattered by their attention. What’s flattering about a married man coming after me? If anything, apart from irritating me, it also scared me. What will my future husband be doing? Not chasing women, I hope!
lol, funny post
LMAO!
Vera the old-married-guy-wth-grey-hair magnet.
When it rains, it pours annoying men.
Rosie: It sure does pour annoying men. Babe, I dunno about being magnet for these men. Maybe I would appreciate them if the attention I get from them is solocited, but that is not the case. I never have, I’m not now, and I never will have anything to do with a married man. How can I know a man is married and yet want something from him? Tufia kwa. lol
lol.. I dont remember seeing a toothbruch like that in a long while.. hillarious!
Sleek n Catty: Unlike you…I see it all the time…in my mouth. Hehe