This one is a short and simple question. Though the reader is asking specifically about Nigerian men in Maryland, please answer the question generally (if you live outside Maryland) because I think Nigerian men are the same anyway for the most part. As usual, my response is below the question.
“Dear Vera, I would like to ask you this – I am single and looking, so where are the Nigerian men in Maryland?”
Dear Reader,
Your question is neither new nor unusual. I am of the opinion that you can meet Nigerian men anywhere. While it would be nice if the Nigerian men could plan and attend a monthly meeting where interested women can come for their choosing, there is currently no such thing. So where do you meet these Nigerian men in Maryland? Anywhere and everywhere.
That said, you obviously have a better chance meeting them in Nigerian social settings like church, weddings, birthday parties, etc. You should also attend even the small events, like a friend’s dinner at Cheesecake Factory, or a summer cook out. Speaking of summer, there are usually lots of events in and out of Maryland. But that doesn’t mean that they are good Nigerian men (which I assume is what you’re looking for exactly). Keep in mind that you it’s also possible to meet them in non-Nigerian settings, like Giant grocery store, like the Shell gas station down the road, and like the book store.
I don’t know if this sounds like a cliché, but perhaps, you should stop looking actively. The irony in looking is that sometimes you don’t see, so maybe you should sit back, relax, and enjoy the wait. Good luck!
Alright everyone, your turn. If you live in or around Maryland, then give her specifics. If you don’t live in or around Maryland, be general on places/events where we can find Nigerian men.
You can find them on Vera’s blog, and on the Verastic show. Half of them are taken, and half are players, so there. According to the women, they have good “sexy” voices though.
Somebori, mind yourself oh! Lol. How can you say that half of the men on my blog and show are players? Hahaha. Biko, they are very good non-player men. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. But we have had some very sexy voiced men oh. I can’t even shout.
Incase she wants to expand her scope, she should consider London, some fine boys like me here in London..lol
The second option is we can hook her up, loads of fine young boys here once you are willing to come to our end..
Final option, since am going through midlife crisis, a second wife might just jumpstart all my dead cells, so am available to be taken…lol
Your choice..
Lool. Fad, disappear from here biko! Which kin second wife? My readers are not into that one, especially when it’s to jump start your dead cells.
This is too funny. But why is it that women are the ones who search desperately, I have never seen where men lament over not having women. God help Women! but i stick to he that findeth a wife finds a good thing. shikena!
I think men talk about it, too, but just in a different way. And yes, he who findeth a wife …
But doesn’t Igwe have any single friends or relatives over there? His colleagues or coworkers?
Igwe has unmarried friends, but they are not single. His relatives (his brothers) are young, all college students. Colleagues and co-workers are not Nigerian and this readers wants a Nigerian man.
Although I agree with Vera, and feel that its best to stop actively looking, I also feel its important to put yourself out there as someone who is open to meeting new people (both male and female). I have been married for a few years , and I actually met my husband in Maryland. The funny thing is that i dated other nationalities, and it was ok, but i always knew deep down that i would prefer to get married to a nigerian. For me my relationships with nigerians were always diff. IDK, maybe I’m on my own with this one…:).
Im def an old fashioned girl and believe that the “finding” is left to the man, but there is no harm in recognizing that you are at a point in your life when you are emotionally ready and open to meeting that special someone.
Fifi, I’m all for dating anyone, as long as you find what’s most important to you. Though I never dated outside Nigerians, I definitely dated outside of Igbo. I totally understand what you mean by the relationship being different with a Nigerian. It’s because of the common ground we share. Perhaps, we have a certain way of thinking or behavior that cuts across all of us. I don’t know. Just grasping at straws here.
I’m glad you met your husband. Please tell them oh that there are good Nigerian men in Maryland.
@ Fad, your three options are hilarious!
Don’t mind Fad. He’s lucky he’s not close to me. If not, he will receive 24 lashes of two-mouth koboko.
First of all, I do suggest you break down “Good Nigerian Men” to the lowest common denominator so these good Nigerian men know who they are. Second, for the people who may want to refer to you some of these good men, they will know what criteria to use to gauge pretenders from contenders. The way it is now, it sounds rather ambiguous and obscure – am sure you know how difficult it is to help out when people think they know what you want, yet they don’t have a clue based on different interpretations. Third, you can’t be looking for a good Nigerian man in Maryland infinitely. Eventually the search and focus will have to change to looking for good men; Nigerian/ non- Nigerian in Maryland and other States. I think at some point, we have to be more accepting to different perspectives and be more open-minded about different people. Not that what you desire is not proper, but we all have something unique about ourselves and I believe your uniqueness as a Nigerian woman should help facilitate conversations, create curiosity among others and even attract others. I suggest you try to avoid creating barriers and obstacles that could limit your connection and intimacy with people in your community or your immediate surroundings. Some have suggested you go looking for good men at the grocery store – I don’t know about that. Organized functions seem more of an appropriate venue for this type of activity if you ask me. All I can say is you need to put yourself in situations you think will help you meet these good men. I also concur with Vera that during your search – and it has to be a passive search. You can’t be out there initiating stuff apart from the normal niceties. Let nature take its course. Of the numerous times I was approached by women trying to initiate a relationship; it was confusing, disorienting and even caused me to lose my bearings. I don’t think anyone would want to start a relationship in that state of mind.
I think you’ve said it all Vera. I think Maryland has a higher naija population than over here, but she can also widen her scope both race wise and location wise.
Personally, I’m all for widening scope, but Reader doesn’t sound like she’s interested in doing that.
One thing I have noticed about some of us women is that we are not patient when it comes to dating or getting married. This isn’t just Nigerians because I’ve noticed it in some of our other sisters like Asian, Hispanic and African American. Society and our environment has a way of influencing us with ideals that they think is appropriate for us and because of the pressure, we cave in. Please my sister, stop looking for the man and just live your life! In living your life, God will provide the man to seek you out. I have some friends who actively sought the man and I cannot say that they are happy. Now that’s just for the one’s I have seen. I know it is not applicable to everyone. It is either they found out the man just wanted and got something from them like money, or the knick-knack-paddy-wack and left them or they eventually found out the guy was not for them. I believe the bible is the inspired word of God and to be used as a road map for our lives so I am going to use it here. God presented animals to Adam as help meet and he didn’t find one among them. then God presented Eve to Adam and Adam saw her as a help meet. The moral of the story, live your life and let God present you to the man for you. Now granted when that man who is interested in you comes along, you will decide on if he meets your needs and if he is the man for you, but we women need to stop doing the work that was not cut out for us. God always provides what we need when we need it. Depend on Him and He will give you all the desires of your heart. Sorry for the epistle lol!
SavedbyHisGrace,
Issorai! We love epistles here. The longer the better. I like that you have taken this the spiritual route. I feel like when it comes to relationships, there isn’t any one size fits us rule. There are just tendencies. For me, I will not chase a man. I cannot chase a man. Maybe I’m full of myself, I don’t know, but I just can’t. I’m old fashioned in that department as I believe that men are hunters by nature.
And I understand what you’re saying about us (women) being in a hurry. I know that this is present in all women, but I feel like as Nigerians and Africans, we tend to freak out more because our Nigerian/African society tells us things like the age to be married (22), and anything after that will be followed by serious pressure.
Whatever the case may be, I hope that Reader gets the answers she came searching for.
Ok, unless reader is open to long distance relationships widening her geograhic scope just wont work. I myself understand having a preference regarding dating a particular culture because of the cultural understanding and comfort. No sense wasting your and someone elses with an experiment when you already know deep down what you’re looking for.
It doesn’t sound like you’re hunting but you’re open to meeting potential mate vis “non-thirsty” methods LOL. Some comments are on point others need to be deleted, take from the useful ones what works for you and until your “Adam” is presented enjoy the life you lead as a single woman because once you take that journey again you will live your life just a lil differently (some may argue that point) and you will miss those days a man was not getting on your nerves just for doing the silliest things. On the flip side while living just remember the joy and fulfillment “Adam” can bring to you and the laughter you both will share then.
Girl……Live Learn Love…..and be Happy
Bia Mizz Tee, which comments are you insinuating should be deleted? Warn yourself oh! Lol. I don’t know if Reader is interested in doing long distance or outside her race, which is why I didn’t bring them up as an option. I’m all for enjoying life until it happens. Why not, if not?
@ Vera……”sexual tension”… Lol… My thoughts exactly…. I hope it wont cause them both to “explode”
Oga Fad, ah ah, cool down biko!! ☺ I’m sure Mizz Tee meant no harm.
I am sure our dear reader had gotten much more than she bargained for, and has more that enough “words of wisdom” to ponder on, and “delete” as necessary…lol. As I review all the comments again, I am ever more convinced that all worthy participants have raised some valid points that I too did not see coming.
Now, lets all group hug, harlem shake and electric slide all the way to Vera’s next post…☺
Lolol u agreeing with Vera I see Ms. Fifi….. I’m on board for some electric slide refresher tho. Hahaha
Here is a single man! Atlanta is home for me and I can catch a flight to BWI.
Attention Reader: Please direct your attention to Timi’s post [if distance is not a factor].
Thanks Mizz Tee! Distance is always a factor but hey, life’s too short not to try.
Timi, I agree.
I call Fad’s verbal outburst a teachable moment. Seems you take criticism too personally, reacting more with emotion than logic and allowing what Mizz Tee said, to hurt your self-esteem. It’s very easy to become riled up, angry or defensive when you receive criticism but I believe what she said was meant with good intention. Learning to accept suggestions that are critical to us is the first step in becoming a better person and I say that with all due respect. As we continue to engage in this forum, here are a few suggestions to keep in mind about the nature of criticism and how to become more comfortable with receiving and processing this form of personal critique. The first step in accepting criticism is to remove emotions from the equation. This may be difficult to accomplish, but the effort is well worth the time. By not allowing your sense of ego or your tender feelings to stand in the way of objectively considering the comments concerning you, you open the door to possibly accepting criticism and learning to manage your anger. I know you said in one of your posts above that you were going through mid-life crisis but come-on – that’s no excuse for misbehaving badly on the forum. Second, it’s important to recognize that Mizz Tee may have been offering her criticism not to hurt you but to let you understand, that some of your posts may have been inappropriate. Nothing wrong with that. Negative speech should be countered with more speech, not verbal outburst. Finally, Fad and this applies to most of us posting on an open forum – I know this because I post in a lot of forums. Accepting criticism is important. Whether in our homes, workplace or the community at large, the ability to receive and accept criticism can have a positive impact on our relationships with other people. By remaining objective, asking clarifying questions, and seeing your critic as your ally, it’s possible to learn to accept criticism in the spirit that was intended. I hope as we proceed forward, we will continue to post our ideas, concerns or issues freely without going for other’s throats.
I like this so much I read it twice. Thanks VillageBoy
Thanks Miz Tee for the pounding, appreciate it..
@ Villageboy, I like your mail and you couldn’t have said it any better, although your view on me misbehaving on this forum definitely far off my intentions..
Vera will tell you, over the years my response on sensitive issues raised by her, am either poking her or the ladies, just adding a bit of humor while treating the topics with the seriousness it deserves.
Same pattern with Omoba topic, was intentionally poking Vera and the ladies, not out to misbehave..
However now that you brought it up will be mindful in future..
Thanks Villageboy..
Thanks guys, lessons learnt..
Respectfully Yours
LOL @ “pounding” ….cool beans Fad, understood
While we are on the issue of Fad, can you please check his sugar level? Thank you.
No Problem Mizz Tee I like your posts too.
@Vera, now you can’t accuse me of sexual stuff I know nothing about. I will have to apologize though for rudely interjecting myself in the verbal skirmish between Fad and Mizz Tee. I thought Fad had overreacted in his response but he has explained himself and will let that slide. You know what they say here – “Never let a conflict go to waste” so I had to chime in. I promise I won’t do it again.
@Fad now that I know where you were coming from on your post, may be I shouldn’t have accused you of misbehaving. I take the accusation back. I like your posts and hope you don’t view what I said, to mean your participation is not appreciated. You raise good points. My take is you can voice your views, in a way that does not create unnecessary conflict. That said, may be you and I can meet in the next few months when I stop over in London on transit and go hang out at my favorite Piccadilly pub or your favorite pub in London. That is if your schedule permits. I am good for a bottle of cold Guinness or two.
So y’ll are just gonna kiss and make up like that? What about me??? No one ever asks about me. I deserve some love, too. Okay, don’t mind me. I have no idea what I’m going on about. But I do know this: I’m grateful to/for you three. You have all shown some impeccable maturity. Thank you 😀
The maturity level #OffTheRadar @VillageBoy & @Fad ……. Per responses
Yes, indeed! Makes me feel like a proud mama right now 😀
Awww. @ Village Boy, @ Fad, its always nice to see the start of a “bromance”.
@ Village boy, you should consider motivational speaking (if you haven’t already)…Maybe you should also let Mizz Tee know when you will be “passing through” London- she may also enjoy a cold beer every now and then as well. After all, she played a huge part in the start of this future “bromance”. lol
@ Mizz Tee, don’t you agree? Abi wouldn’t you like to see the queen as well?
@ Fad, what do you think?
Come to think of it, so did Vera…..(1 more invite, hmmm and “Reader”- ok, 2 more. What the heck, seeing as Timi is open to flying to BWI, I doubt he will have no qualms flying to London to see the queen either, 3 more).
…..Just a suggestion.. ☺
Lol! Now that you have added everyone to the London stopover, how about you Fifi???lol
Three is a crowd, so join to make it four..Her majesty will be pleased…lol
@ Mizz Tee, thanks for accepting to check my sugar level, promise I won’t disappoint you..lol
Fad, Fifi, VillageBoy, and Mizz Tee … this is starting to look like an orgy.
Everytime I check in I find a bowl full of laughter waiting for me. #needed
Now @Fifi that bromance talk had me floored ….lol…..but I must say I agree with you.
Likewise @Fad, I too caught that she conveniently excluded herself from the “London Mixer” ….. I’m so giving her the side eye rite now. Hahaha
At this point, I have no idea what is going on anymore, BUT I like it 😉
@Vera how much more love do you need? You already have abundant of love in your life. Don’t be too greedy now. During your recent engagement party, some of the people privileged to attend said you cried so much, samples of your tears were found floating on the Potomac River or was it Ohio River – can’t remember. Now am kind of disappointed in you. You are an example of people who when they become fortuitous, tend to forget their past. Do you remember those hard and difficult days in the past when love was just an abstract word? After shedding so much tears of love, I would have expected you to be busy planning for the big day; but no, instead you are busy planning orgies. That’s what happens when you become fortunate and start procrastinating. No wonder it’s taken forever to get those wedding invites out. Prioritize tasks now; first in first out. – lool
@Fifi I haven’t set foot in London and you have already dabbed it bromance. I will say this though – deep deep down your heart, I believe you’re dreaming and salivating to go see His Majesty Fad dance naked in front of Buckingham Palace. No worries though, I got you covered Fifi. I will do my best to make sure your dream comes true of observing this monumental event. Please bring back lots of pictures. Fad please do us a favor; provide us with the calendar days you will be performing – plus I need to forward the materials to Vera so she can start planning Fifi’s excursion into London.
@Mizz Tee am ruffled that you accepted Fad’s offer to check his blood sugar level. I feel kind of left out you know – Is there any chance you could check my sugar level before you fly out to London? Please! I don’t trust His Majesty; he may try some funny stuff like using Scotland Yard or London Metropolitan to detain you over there.
It’s been great hanging out with everyone on the site. Although the thread has veered off topic from its original intent, I have really enjoyed reading people’s perspective on different issues. Am humbled to have rubbed shoulders with literary heavyweights/comedians posting on the site. As for Fifi’s career advice to take up motivational stuff – am flattered but no thanks, If Village Boy has to motivate you to do stuff; you know you are in deep trouble. I will keep my day job for now besides, I believe there are people more qualified than me on the site to undertake that task. People like you who bring so much twisted humor to their posts, yet still addressing serious issues, Mizz Tee, Fad, Adeola, Vera with her vast media empire; and the list goes on… These are people I believe possess superior communication skills and can do the job.
Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. VillageBoy, warn yourself oh! There’s no such thing at having too much love. I don’t even know what part of your comment I find the funniest. But err, riddle me this, exactly how many drops of my tears were spotted? 😉
I just came across this post and I must say it made me happy. I’m Nigerian and also live in Maryland. I’m not in a rush to remarry at this time because I have goals I want to accomplish before I say “I DO” again. I was married to an American for years, but I would not marry or date them again because of culture difference.I know now I want to date and merry my own kind. Now a “good Nigerian Man”? is a tough one, I believe men are the same in every race, you have your good and your bad. As a woman you HAVE to know yourself and what you want,(stand by it) you have to filter these men out before moving forward.If it is not right for you don’t waste your time. I agree with majority of the posts and believe a man should do the chasing. We have to be patient and live life to the fullest with or without a “man” our journey is long I don’t believe God created us without a match he is not cruel.
Zsazsa,
Thank you so much! I really, really appreciate your comment, and I agree with you 100%. A woman has to know herself. It is so essential. If you don’t know yourself, how can you know someone else or recognize when someone is good or bad for you? Thank you so much. Enjoy your life, and enjoy finding God’s perfect match for you.
Memories,one of those fun times on Vera’s blog..
Where are all my comrades?? Vera look for them o..
I need to hear from Villageboy the Prof, I bet he is writing poem for them in Syria.
Mizz Tee the trainee nurse who offered to check my sugar level while killing me same time,
Fifi the referee always pouring hot or cold oil on the gist and all other contributors..
Very interesting topic
I was actually thinking about this yesterday on Facebook, now reading zsazsa’s mail made it a home run for me..
I was looking at a pix of a FB member with her partner, she resides in the US too but in Nigeria with her new partner..
The funny part for me was the affection she was talking about on FB about the guy was completely disproportionate to the look on the guy’s face..
All I can see on the guy’s face was JFK airport, Dulles international and Uncle Sam pls talk to me…lol
But you ladies know if anyone tell you to be careful, that is third world war instantly..
Experience definitely the best teacher, unfortunately too heavy price to pay…
Pls zsazsa when you are ready pls feel free to contact me, am over midlife crisis now, need to settle down again..lol
Nice one.. Vera look for my peeps o.
Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool. I have met those kinds of couples!! I can just picture the look on the guy’s face. Tehehehe. Who go blame am? Everybody wants to come to America, the land of opportunities. I won’t lie and say that America isn’t a great country, or that it doesn’t have all these opportunities. I will say, though, that it isn’t as easy as people think it is. You will make it. But you will work your ass off to do so. And yes, warning people to be careful of their partner (or telling that their relationship may not be all it’s cracked up to be) will definitely cause World War III.
Don’t worry, I’ll look for your peeps. Some of them are subscribed to receive the comments, so they’ll know you’re asking of them.