This happened on Wednesday night, and when it happened, I was thinking to myself, how will my readers believe this one? It was the same day I put up a post saying I wanted to be hit on a lesbian. Let me tell you my story.
I went to the gym, and then, I stopped at Royal Farms on my way back to get some gas. I noticed a green Camry in the pump behind mine, and I noticed it because it looked just like Funmie’s car, but I quickly dismissed the thought because I knew Funmie was at work at that time.
So I started pumping my gas when I heard the person behind me saying, “Excuse me, excuse me …” So I turned around and we had the strangest conversation, if I will call it that. He was a black guy. He was done pumping his gas and was now seated in his car, ready to drive off.
Him: You’re not a lesbian, are you?
Me: Huh? [I heard him the first time, but the question caught me off guard. Plus, I thought for a second that he might be a reader who read my post about wanting to be hit on by a lesbian and he was just trying to mess with me].
Him: I said, you’re not a lesbian, are you?
Me: *Puzzled* No!
Him: Oh, okay. Well, I’m Gregg. Can I call you sometime?
Me: No, you cannot call me sometime.
So I faced my pump and continued pumping like we didn’t just have an awkward conversation, but I couldn’t take it, so I turned back and started the conversation again.
Me: But what the hell kind of pick up line was that?
Him: You have sweats on, so I thought you might be a lesbian.
Me: So a woman having sweats on means she’s a lesbian?
Him: I don’t know. I thought it might be your thing.
Me: [I stared at him for about two seconds, not believing that a person could be that stupid. So I told him exactly how I felt.] You’re stupid.
He shrugged and drove off. And I burst out laughing, remembering my post about wanting to be asked out by a lesbian. Then I made a mental note to explain to the Universe what I really meant in my post. You see, Universe, clearly you misunderstood me. What I said was that I wanted to know what it feels like to be hit on by a lesbian. This is completely different from having a man ask me if I am a lesbian. Do you get where I’m getting with this?
About the alleged sweats I had on, I did not even have sweats on — which is part of why I thought he was stupid. What I had on was something like the picture on here, which clearly look like regular gym clothes, not sweats. That aside, since when did sweats even start meaning that the woman is a lesbian??
It’s not that being asked if I’m a lesbian is so offensive to me, but it’s just the reason for why he thought I was a lesbian: I had sweats on AND he wanted my number. I don’t know which one of the reasons was more stupid. And yet I know that somewhere in this world, some girl has been picked up with this are-you-a-lesbian line.
Tsk, Tsk.
Be careful what you wish for!
Yup. That’s what you get for that your lesbian post. Perhaps, the angel on duty at that time was dozing, so he heard the wrong thing and gave you what he heard as your wish :p
But the guy is stupid. That’s the summary. Which kain yeye question and thought pattern is that?
Hahaha at angel on duty. I didn’t think of that, but I think you do have a point. Clearly, someone didn’t read the entire post. The angel only heard the lesbian part and he ran to town with that. I will do more reinforcement next time.
Lolllllll……abeg, make angels no fall asleep oh….imagine the chaos
Gym clothes are AKA Sweats. But the guy is funny, I think it’s a pick up line and meant to manipulate girls to want to prove their straightness by either giving their number, going with the guy or having sex. SMH…
Very similar to the “are you gay?” question some girls ask when you appear not to be interested. “Nope, I’m not attracted to you.”
Lol. I guess people feel like it’s mutually exclusive. You can either be gay or attracted to them. *hiss*
pickup line is a classic. its designed to make u feel the need to prove u r not a lesbian by agreeing to allow him blow ur fone off with calls.
its like you wanting to kiss a guy/girl so bad and u tell him/her u don’t think he is a good kisser. he goes, oh i am a good kisser, and you go. no u r not, no u r not. and you finish up by saying then prove to me you are a good kisser
That’s that whole reverse psychology nonsense. Well, he clearly picked the wrong candidate. I ain’t about that life.
This I totally agree with @chiefO. These guys so used to not having to put any thought or energy in their approach to “some” females and that’s wat it sounds like. Just is reaction alone says for every Vera there’s 2 that will fall for that crap. #sad
Mizz Tee, that’s the sad part … knowing that there are some people who will fall for this stupid pick up line. I mean, I get that some guys are just not good at wooing girls, but this is just crazy.
Vera: “You’re stupid.”
Best retort ever.
I’m glad you didn’t ask it (the “you are stupid!” comment). I don’t know but people are suddenly having a twisted meaning of words and gestures. Just because I like to dress smartly/roughly in jeans and T-shirts or with my shirt well tucked into my pants DOES NOT mean I am gay! For crying out loud, If one more person asks, “Are you a lesbian”, you know what I’m ganna tell them? “YOU are STUPID!” But as per na Naija I dey, I no go wan teh, I will not want to receive slap for main road. On a more serious note, Having rumours about you being a lesbian in your first year in the university really opens your mind to “Just how sick some girls can be”. After the rumours went round, I suddenly made lots of female friends as they all suddenly “got my number from a friend”. Mtcheeeew!
Hahahahahahaha. I can only imagine girl. But it’s a good thing you’re a strong person. This kind of rumor could have broken someone else’s spirit. Glad you can look back on it and laugh. There are some kinds of dressing that you just know something ain’t right (like a grown ass man in heels), but other than that really, peeps need to be careful with labeling people.
an in heels sure ain’t right but a grown ass lady in T-shirt and sneakers…Ain’t nothing looking funny about that. And yeah it was traumatic for a while but I was determined not to let people take me down this time. Rather, I stood up tall and strutted about daring anyone to come forward with their accusations.
* A grown man in heels I mean.
That’s great to know. Not everyone is that strong.
But I realize, I might have orchestrated those rumours…I do act and speak with the mentality of boys but that’s just because I’ve lived all of my life being efficient and independent. I learnt at an early age to curb those urges to let out your feelings and I’m quite good at devoid-ing my face of emotions…but yet, really? A lesbian? give me a break. I remember the first time I walked into a Radio station and my Boss-to-be looked at me and said “I hope you are not a lesbian”. I kept a straight face and gave her an affirmation to the statement but in my head, I was like “For real?!”
Loool. And you know the thing with us (Nigerians) is that we always say how we feel without even trying to be a little diplomatic. Your boss shouldn’t have asked you that, especially in that way. Nothing wrong with speaking with the mentality of a man. My mother has told me that I think like a man, and honestly, I don’t even know what that means cause Igwe tells me all the time that I’m such a woman, to which I ask if he’d rather have a man. That usually shuts him up. Tehehe.
lol…Nicely asked. And some other colleagues were there… 🙁 Damn!
Hahahahaha. Pele.
Ok Ok Vera, the sweat you was wearing looks like the one in the picture here. My friend thats not enough. We want to see you wearing the sweat. Tell evryone when you are going to paste yourself wearing the sweat. That will be the one thing that will stop the lesbian pickup line.
Loooooool. Abel see your mouth. Which kin trickery be dis one? Dis is how they got the tortoise (oyibo people dey call am turtle) to go back into the hole he came out of, just to prove that he indeed didn’t need any help. Mba! I shall not be deceived in this way.