Some days ago at work, I was in Elizabeth’s office as usual. Elizabeth is my very cool and friendly co-worker. She’s Puerto Rican and pregnant, and everyone knows when she’s due because the month and date is posted on her door. It’s in April. Anyway, while at her office, her unborn baby decided to show us (Lisa and me) his moves. I could see her belly going up and down, and I thought it was so beautiful and glorious – the miracle of a life jumping inside of her. It reminded me of when my aunt was pregnant with Toby and I used to rub her belly all the time.
While Elizabeth’s baby was doing cirque du soleil in her belly, Elizabeth held her belly tenderly and spoke to her baby. She jokingly asked if he was ready to come out. We all laughed. But I laughed even more – and she and Lisa probably didn’t even notice. I was imagining how this conversation would go with a Nigerian woman, and the thought of it made me laugh so much.
Number 1: Unless all the witches and wizards are on vacation in a far away galaxy, there is no way on God’s green earth that a real Nigerian woman will let everyone know when her baby is due. Maka why?
Number 2: A real Nigerian woman will also not let someone rub her pregnant belly because the someone could be sucking the life out of her baby or possibly using him/her for a money ritual.
Number 3: A real Nigerian woman would most definitely never, ever, EVER ask her baby if he’s ready to come out before his due date, even if it’s just 24 hours early.
And what if I was the one who asked the question about whether the baby is ready to come out? Well, the response would have been something like this: God forbid baaad thing! My baby will never, ever come out before his time. I reject it in the name of Jesus! I cover my baby with the blood of Jesus! Fatheeerrrr, maintain my baby’s ETA [estimated time of arirval] in the name of Jesus! Shame my enemies! Prayeerrrrsssssss!!!
Now, y’ll know that I am not lying.The good news is that I am not a real Nigerian woman. So I’ve been told.
Hi Elizabeth! I’ll come by your office later to check on our baby 🙂
lolllll. God forbid baaaa thing! I reject it in the name of Jesus. This reminds of when I was advised to go in for C-Section cos baby refused to ‘engage’ his head in the proper birth position (boy was just playing ‘flash’ left right and centre). Come and see my prayers, I casted and bound all spirit of ‘operation’, my husband was just looking at me like I am an alien, he could not understand my reaction. Anyhoos, fastforward 5 years later, I am an advocate of painless CS now.
Hahaha. Classic! This also reminds me of someone else I know who is pregnant and she’ll be birthing via C Section – not because she has to, but because she wants to. Interesting.
Hahahahaha, I remember when I told my mom I had to have a c section. Eh, esigini? Maka why? It was like someone died or something. She went to say she understand how it is possible when no body on hee side of the family had to go thru that…like it was hereditary or something…smh.
Looking at the list, I guess I have been in America too long as I only oppose to number 2 on the list.
Hahahahaha, I remember when I told my mom I had to have a c section. Eh, esigini? Maka why? It was like someone died or something. She went to say she understand how it is possible when no body on hee side of the family had to go thru that…like it was hereditary or something…smh.
Looking at the list, I guess I have been in America too long as I only oppose to number 2.
You know, I’ve always wondered about the same thing. Why tell folks when you’ll be in labor? I can understand baby showers- I mean by all means, please bring presents. But rubbing bellies and telling the sex? That’s kinda private for me. You totally went Nigerian with this post, lol! 😀
Maggielola, I think culture plays a huge part for you (and us in general). As Nigerians, if it was possible to hide the pregnancy sef until the baby is born, I’m sure we’ll do it. Lol. But here in America, people couldn’t care less. It’s not a big deal at all, and this freedom is something that I quite admire. Very stress free.
Very stress free indeed. Why hide your pregnancy…unless of course you are like 14 or something. Some women want to be pregnant and can’t and the ones that are bless with it hide. Maka gini?
Fear and juju paralyzes us.It just ridiculous. Even taken pictures of a pregnant belly is taboo.
Had a women told me that no decent married woman would take pictures of her belly. Abegi no big thing. Relax and enjoy, pregnancy doesn’t last forever.
Loool I know! Ere, I can’t even say that juju paralyzes us because I think it’s just the fear of it. I know a pregnant lady who took pictures of her belly and another friend feared that the baby will “miss” .. like poof, just vanish into thin air. Hahahahaha.
This is so true, I recently asked a nigerian woman when she was due to birth her baby, Jesus, d kin eye she take look me, it was as if I wanted 2 kidnap d baby from her womb.
Hahaha. Damilola, you do NOT ask a Nigerian woman when her baby is due oh! I don’t even bother asking, unless it’s someone I’m very close to. I mean hella close to.
Soooo true. Its so bad in Nigeria that a pregnant woman may not even tell her colleague (that is supposed to back her up during her maternity leave o) when she is due. It happened to me. My colleague did not even say what day her leave would start until the day she started, as if anybody would prevent the baby from being born. Coincidentally, that was also her due date. I don’t see what the big deal is biko.
We have to admit that evil things do happen in Nigeria, but of course, we have just taken the whole thing overboard. Too funny.
Nnonye, you’re so on point with this post. It reminds me of a ‘friend’ of mine who was in such a hurry to tell me that her pikin don enter and was growing well, in the same excitement, I asked her how far gone she was and she just gave me a dismissive ‘when I deliver you’ll hear!’. Mtchwwww…. help me see o.
Lol! I can only imagine the tone in which she said it. Kai. Naija people, we are special.