One thing I have always loved is learning about other people and their culture. I love talking with people who are not like me and finding things out that I probably would have never known. Yes, we can get information from text books and Wikipedia, but it cannot be compared to hearing it from the horse’s mouth. Even within Nigeria, it’s unfortunate how little we know about each other, except the stereotypes. I’m not saying the stereotypes are necessarily wrong, but they might be exaggerated, and we forget that stereotypes are just that: stereotypes. They don’t apply to everyone.
I was talking with my Vietnamese friend – let’s call her Mary – and somehow, we started talking about cultural differences. I asked her what it’s like to be a Vietnamese in America, and the conversation was very interesting.
1. People assume that all Asians are Chinese: They hate it. Absolutely hate it when people assume that they’re Chinese because they’re Asian. I felt good about myself because years ago, I realized how easily we (non Asians) assume that all Asians are Chinese. I made a conscious effort to find out for sure where people are from. We tend to call all of them Chinese, just like we call all the food Chinese (and all the nail techs), too. I liken this to Yoruba people calling all non-Yoruba and non-Hausa people Igbo. It’s quite offensive. And ignorant.
2. People assume that they are not Americans: This one surprised me because I had never thought about it. Basically, people see Asians and are inclined to ask, “Where are you from?” implying that Asians are not from here [America]. But some Asians are born here though, and for some of them, generations have been born here. The problem is that Asians have a unique look. You’ll always know that they are Asians, and somewhere in the back of your mind, you might wonder what part of Asia they’re from. It’s not like me being a Black immigrant. Unless people hear my accent or read my name, they’ll just assume that I’m a Black American. But I’m Nigerian.
3. People assume that they speak the same language: Mary told me of an incident when she went to a retail store and was looking at shoes when a store attendant came to her and asked that she please tell another Asian customer about the sales they were having. Mary told her that she did not know the woman and that she wasn’t with her. The store attendant asked if she could just translate it to her. Mary told her that they don’t speak the same language, but she store attendant kept asking.
4. People always tell them to go back to their country: As a fellow immigrant, I know about this.
Of all these, what I learned most is about assuming that Asians are not Americans. I have been guilty of this. As a matter of fact, I have done this with Mary’s sister (this was before I knew Mary). I knew her sister first, and I asked her where she was from. I remember her telling me (with a bit of an attitude) that she was American, and I remember me thinking that this girl was crazy. She went on to tell me that she was American because she was born in California and had never been anywhere else. I then asked where her parents were from, and she said Vietnam, but she reiterated that she herself had never been there.
This opens up a whole new can of worms: for those of you who have children that were born here, do you teach your children to claim Nigeria or America? When I have children, I intend to teach them that they’re Nigerians. I was born in Russia, and my parents are both from Anambra, but I was never told that I was Russian (only that I was born there), and I was never told that I was Hausa (because we lived in Jos). If anything, my parents literally gave me pop quizzes to know my State, the Capital of my State, my local government, and my City.
So, I can’t say that I’m particularly thrilled with parents who don’t teach their children about where they’re from, but on the other hand, I can understand why an American-born citizen who has lived in America all their life would claim America as home. That’s all they know, and home is where the heart is.
I still want to know though, do you (or would you) teach your children that they are Nigerian first? And ultimately, is our parents’ identity our identity, too?
P.S. I tend to think of China as the America of Asia and Nigeria as the America of Africa. No?
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Its a tough one really! Especially point 1 and 2! How can I know where you’re from if I don’t ask? If I don’t ask I’m just going to end up assuming something which might be wrong… I know we all try to be politically correct and all but I think a lot of it is about the approach!
And that last bit! I didn’t even get to where you were going when I thought out loud, how come you don’t know where you’re from? I think people need to be more intune with their history, especially international families. I know it’s easier said than done but I will definitely be making sure my kids don’t go around saying ‘I’m British but my parents are Nigerian’ – Someone actually said that to my parents once and I was gobsmacked! Your parent’s worked their butts off to help you get to where you are and then you want to disown them? Cos that’s the way I see it oh!
Bottomline, we will definitely be taking trips back to Nigeria and spending time there to ensure they don’t forget their roots…
Tola, I completely agree with telling the kids where they’re from. I honestly understand and see how a person would claim where he/she knows as home because why say you’re from Nigeria when you’ve never even been there and never lived the life? The solution, like you pointed out, is to take frequent trips back home. But it won’t be easy or cheap. Air tickets don’t smile.
China as the America of Asia? Umm, what about Japan? I dunno sha. Never been to Asia, and not sure if I want to visit any of the countries just yet.
I admit I’ve called most Asians Chinese 🙁
Berry, I don’t think Japan is the America of Asia because we don’t think of Japan first when we think of Asia. Or maybe I’m just speaking for myself anyway. Lol at not wanting to visit any of the countries yet. I haven’t been either, but I’d like to go — as long as it’s not one of the countries where they kidnap you and hold you hostage. Lol.
#1 I try not to lump them together and believe me once I hear them speak, I can differentiate a Korean from a Chinese but not by their looks. Japanese and Philipinos, I can tell because I have worked with them before. Philipinos speak Tagalog and it is totally different from Japanese, Chinese or Korean. Other Asian meh 🙁 I can’t tell, and I have only met a Thai person once. #3 is very awkward to say the least. #4 Vera I thought you were joking every time you said you were born in Russia on air I did not realize you only grew up in Jos. #ThingsIlearnaboutVerasticeveryday
I intend to teach my kids that they are Nigerians first before US of A came lol. I know an Enugu lady from my work place who says and I quote “her kids needs to know the other side of the world, that there are places that does not have 24 hours electricity etc” she tries her best to take them to Nigerian once in 2 or 3 years and most times, all 4 kids go. So there goes me following in her footstep.
Sorry for the long sermon lol
Ola, thanks for your long comment. Love it! Don’t stop. Lol. Per Russia, yes oh, I was born there. But I never claim to be Russian. I’m not. I’m totally Nigerian. You’re making me miss the Verastic Show again *sniff, sniff* I miss it so much! But timing mehn …
Interesting about being able to tell the difference between some Asians. Nope, not me. Not by their language and not by their looks.
And I like what the Enugu woman is doing. I intend to do the same, too.
Hmmm. I don’t think that if a child says they “are British but their parents are Nigerians” or that sort of thing, it means they are disowning their parents. I remember blogging about this. The thing is even within Nigeria, kids whose parents are from say Osun, Oyo, Kwara (for instance), wouldn’t necessarily claim those places if they lived all their lives in Lagos.
It’s hard to identify with a place you have never been or lived. So I definitely do not blame people like Chiwetel, who when asked where he’s from, said England. “But my parents are Nigerians”, he added. That’s where he lived all his life and can identify with. Personally though, I would not want to be identified as a black American; not because of the stereotype attached to them or anything. Just because, I don’t want to not be identified by my heritage, Nigeria.
Ife, I’m so with you on this. For the people (like Chiwetel) who don’t claim Nigeria, I don’t hold it against them because well, that’s what they know, and perhaps, their parents didn’t teach them any better. But for me, I will be teaching my children that they are first Nigerians. I want them to have the best of both worlds basically. I know Nigeria isn’t perfect, but I feel so freaking proud to be a Nigerian anyway.
Per the Lagos thing, I think the reason for that one is more because in Nigeria, it’s cooler to be from Lagos than from Osun, Ondo, etc. I didn’t know that before (because I grew up in Jos), but yeah .. issues. Lol.
I know people who used to answer “I am British but parents are from Nigeria” until they grew up started working and then the “proper” British people started asking them where they were from and this when they have British accents and all (cousins I see you:) lol nobody told them to start claiming Nigeria after that hahaha I think answering British-Nigerian or American-Nigerian sums it up after all don’t the Italian-Americans refer to themselves as such and are very proud of their culture even though some have never been to Italy…