Can women actually be divorced and happy? For some reason, being divorced and happy, especially for a woman, seems like it’s mutually exclusive. I will not make the claim that all women are divorced and happy, but I can confidently say that any woman who gets divorced for the right reasons can be – and most likely is – divorced and happy.
Our culture abhors divorce. Our culture also abhors a free-thinking, independent woman because she is seen as rebellious and unsubmissive. You already know my thoughts on submission, right? Divorce is difficult on all counts, and the decision to get one should not be made lightly or easily.
Today’s episode is a special request. A listener asked that I answer the question of whether a woman can be divorced and happy. Naturally, I have used myself as an example. In this episode, I also made references to my marriage, and how it ended, and as promised in the podcast, here’s the link to read the full story about how my marriage ended. Quite honestly, I’m so glad that I have this link to refer to because it would be exhausting to tell this story over and over.
If you are a woman in the middle of a divorce or planning to get divorced or thinking about getting divorced, I understand the situation you’re in, but I want you to know that there is so much life after divorce, and I hope that this episode lights a fire in your belly and calms your unrest.
If anyone ever has a special request for an episode or a blog post, please reach out to me, and I’ll be happy to provide any and all information on the topic, if I have it. This episode also includes a special announcement about the podcast. Please listen to find out more, and let me know your thoughts when you’re done.
Episode 19: Can Women be Divorced and Happy?
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Most women (and men) are not “happy” after divorce simply because, for most, the decision to divorce was born out of pride.
First, separation occurs in most cases as a result of anger over some misunderstandings in the marriage.
Second, filled with emotions including anger, the woman decides to separate from her husband and leaves the marital home.
Third, once she has left, she still is filled with bitterness and anger towards the estranged spouse and she is consumed by unreasonable thinking process moving forward.
Fourth, while this continues, she fails to understand nor realize that decisions especially, important decisions, taken under conditions of anger and overwhelming emotion are almost always wrong and regretted after the fact.
Fifth, once a woman is safely outside the marital home she is immediately enveloped by a deluge of ‘friends’ offering her ‘ideas’ and ‘solutions’ to her marital issues including the necessity and urgency to divorce.
Sixth, most of these so-called friends never advice her to seek reconciliation rather they push her towards divorce.
Seventh, while the ‘pushing’ towards divorce is still ongoing, the woman fails to realize that some of the women persuading her to divorce might even be in a worse situation with their own marriages but they still reject the same ‘freedom’ they assume divorce affords a woman by remaining in their own marriages.
Eight, I immediately she yields and succumbs to the pressures mounted on her by supposed friends to file for divorce and goes ahead to do as advised, it begins to dawn on her that she had made an unwise move.
Ninth, once the divorce dust had settled and she is now alone with her kid(s) she discovers to her disappointment that her action was never warranted.
Tenth, by this time it is already too late to attempt to salvage anything and it is at this stage that happiness or unhappiness begins to manifest.
From my interactions with divorced men and women, a majority regret having filed for divorce after realizing that the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side.
A lot of divorced men just like divorced women are also negatively influenced by so-called friends and suffer similar consequences as the women after divorce so the unhappiness or happiness barometer after divorce is gender neutral.
Bottom line is that based on my own calculations only 25% of all divorces were based upon reasonable grounds while 75% were based upon unreasonable or no grounds at all such as a case of a woman who divorced her husband simply because she felt the husband loved their children more than her!
Very possible and dependent on the woman realizing that her happiness is her sole responsibility. That’s, once the woman determines what happiness is and means to her and decides to ‘create’ her own specific indicators of happiness, she would attain and retain happiness!