This is an issue that I have been tackling on Twitter with one of my followers. Well, I think she’s a follower, not entirely sure. I’m too lazy to find the original tweet, so I’m going to paraphrase the question.
Question: Should a wife add her husband’s ex on her BBM to tell her to stop sending BBM messages to him late at night?
In case you’re confused, the question is should a wife confront her husband’s ex because she’s sending him messages late at night? These messages include Happy New Month, Happy New Week type of messages. I am not aware that there are personal or “inappropriate” messages.
Her point is that the ex is feeling too familiar. Must she really send messages to someone else’s husband every single time? And must she do so at that time of the day night?
Where I stand: It is possible that there is nothing going on between this ex and the husband. However, most wives will not appreciate it anyway. If the wife does not like the relationship between her husband and his ex, she needs to confront her husband, not his ex.
The other part of this problem is that the husband has apparently refused to control the BBMing between him and his ex because he says that she is his friend. It makes sense that he says she is his friend, considering their history. But whether or not she’s actually a friend isn’t the main issue here. The issue is that his wife does not like it.
Personally, I think the husband is to be blamed completely. Firstly, when someone is an ex, I think it should remain that way. I am of the opinion that a person who used to be your partner – especially a sexual partner – cannot go back to being just a friend. Once that sexual (and emotional) line is crossed, it’s difficult to go back. It does not make it impossible to go back; it just makes it highly unlikely. Secondly, when you are married, you have to put your spouse above all else. It kind of comes with territory.
If the husband really wanted to control the relationship between him and his ex, he has all the power to do so and much more.
- He can delete her from his BBM (my most preferred way).
- He can ignore her messages.
- He can tell her to not send him BBM messages as much.
- He can tell her to not send him BBM messages at certain times of the day.
But he has chosen to not do anything because she’s his friend. And now, the wife is considering doing it herself. I think that would be a wrong move.
What do you think?
As you said, in marriage, partner comea first even in some cases before children and yet dude is putting friend and former girlfriend before his wife? It says a lot about how he regards his wife. I think she should sit him down and talk about it and how it makes her feel. Talking to exes is not a particularly smart thing to do especially when married and if the ex is single. Could lead to emotional affairs even though in physical, ‘nothing us going on’. Then again, wifey would not want to nag amd nag because it could push him away further.
*exasperated sigh* why are some people so argh!
He should have married his ex if he didn’t think his wifey’s feelings are that important.
On a lighter note, Praise the Lord. I’M THE FIRST TO COMMENT. *singing praising the Lord to the pulpit for testimony*
Ani, thank you for commenting. I do agree with you that the man’s behavior shows how he feels about his wife. It’s very disrespectful.
Hmmm I wonder who this follower is, yes I am here for ashili lol
Look at your mouth. It is not what you think it is. Lol. Yeye
its her husband she needs to speak to not the ex. Like you said the man has the power to stop it from happening. His wife doesnt like it so he has to discourage his ex.
Kiky, what if the husband does not stop or discourages it.
BiKe, if the husband does not stop it, that’s unfortunately the wife’s cross to carry. But confronting the ex will probably escalate things.
Yup. Thank you, Kiky for responding. He has the power to stop it, but he doesn’t want to.
Agree with everyone else. She needs to tell her husband that she doesn’t like it. He needs to be considerate of her in this case, especially as the person is his ex
It seems like something simple, doesn’t it? Like we should not even have to discuss this, but some people are so selfish.
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As per the topic, the madam needs to talk to her husband that’s the person she needs to hold accountable, however, if Mr husband can’t put his wife’s emotion first in the matter, then water “don pass garri”.
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And yes, the water don dfinitely pass the garri. Shimmy don pass skirt. Everything that should not pass has passed.
Obviously the wife should not be BBMing the ex now, she better just talk to her husband about it…
Ajoke, sometimes it isn’t so obvious to everyone. BBMing the ex is not an option to me, unless her husband has done EVERYTHING within his power to stop it. And even then, it’s still dicey.
Am I the only one who doesn’t see what d fuss is about??? I feel, unless msgs between husband & ex is inappropriate or sensual, d wife is insecure.
Hmmm. I think that for most people, there is a certain level of discomfort when it comes to their spouses communicating with their ex. I think that this discomfort is natural and it is also dependent on who said ex is. I don’t know … I might be wrong.
Shebi na from clap dance di start? If I was in the wife’s shoes I would NOT be comfortable with a girl texting my man at every turn. If she wants to spread good cheer biko let her open a charity na! Or if it is therapy she is looking for, let her take it to the Lord and leave it there.
If it was my husband, best believe I’ll do whatever it takes to keep my marriage intact – including but not limited to wiping your entire phone (thank God for Blackberry protect and limits on password entry!), after making sure I find and delete all back-up files on your PC!
Hahahaha. Tiki, you no dey play oh! But I do agree with you though on being uncomfortable. I would be very uncomfortable, too. The only thing I wouldn’t do is contact the ex, unless my husband has done everything he can ever do and he wants me to try my luck
I agree with Tiki,I’ll do anything to protect my marriage….I should think wifey went thru hubby’s phone,to have seen the messages.so yes its so damn uncomfortable to find that out,esp from ex? I’d not even entertain discussing this with hubby,I’ll just delete her as contact and block any invites from ex,period,and keep quite….
If after that,she finds a way back,then,I’m confronting hubby and he’ll have to make a choice..
I see where you’re coming from. Makes sense to just delete without even confronting him about it.
I guess there are lots of things happenin in marriedges hey!
Yes, indeed, Kelisha.