For The Wives And Intending Wives

This thing passed around social networks for a minute, and I have been intending to bring it to you to alert you on the not-so-new bullshit that is trending. Though I do not know the author of this particular bullshit, I am almost complete sure that a woman wrote it.  Men will not set their fellow men up like this. My thoughts are in italics and parenthesis. Continue to read the advice you should not take.

This is specially for wives and intending wives; as it may save you having a stroke and high BP.

1.  Most Men cannot have sex exclusively with just one woman for the rest of their lives (most men should not get married to one woman for the rest of their lives then).

2.  Men are created with varied sexual appetite ,some men can do without sex for a year, others cannot do without sex for a week. (And this concerns me how?)

3.  A man who’s madly in love with one woman can still have sex with other women but still love his ‘woman’. (Good news: so can a woman who is in love, too).

4.  Some of the best husbands have concubines or mistresses, these extra marital affairs play a role in keeping the man sane and free of sexual tensions, especially during mid-life crises. (Point me to the bad husbands that are faithful and insane. I want one of those.)

5.  I f your man is just having sex with some sweet sexy teen or babe, DO NOT WORRY. But, if your man starts making midnight calls and exchanging text messages with another lady at odd hours, BE VERY WORRIED (I pity the foolish husband that will try my homicidal tendencies in this way.)

6.  Before you choose your man, ensure he believes in AIDs, STDs and protected sex. That way, chances are that he will not bring HIV and other STDs into your life. (There are many people who believe in death and they are still all dead. The same applies to HIV/AIDS.)

7.  Most chronic wife beaters are faithful husbands, they hardly have extramarital affairs. (So these two qualities are now mutually exclusive? A man is either one or the other?)

8.  Most ‘extra’ loving husbands have concubines, these concubines keep the man abreast on new ways of making women happy (This is exactly what that shameless cheating Edo man told me, that his cheating makes his wife a happier woman. I’ll pass. Thanks.)

9.  Your man’s mistress or concubine is most times not interested in you or your home. She has already seen your pictures and those of your kids via your hubby’s phone. She and your hubby just have a sexual understanding or partnership which helps both deal with peculiar individual issues. (And very soon, all three of us will have a bloody relationship with the business end of my gun pointing to their temples. I’ll take another picture for his phone, so she can see it there too).

10.  As a woman, if you go all out in a bid to catch your husband red-handed cheating, you WILL succeed. Then what next? If u listen hard to your domestic servants in their private discussions, u will certainly hear them insult you, so why listen? (Who cares what the domestic servants are saying? And I will not have to go out in a bid to catch him cheating because he won’t be. It’s that simple.)

11.   Judge your man by his responsibilities towards you and the kids, and NOT by who he’s giving ‘doggie style’ to in the office. (Haaa! Well, not doggy-styling someone else is a responsibility to me. How about that? Besides, what’s wrong with doggy-styling me? *adjusts halo*)

When I talk this way, people say that I am naive, that I only speak so passionately because I do not know what it really feels like to be cheated on, and that I think things are black and white. No, I am not naive. And I do not think that things are always black and white. But I know that things are not that complicated either. How can I pledge my life to a man who is out there having sex with another woman, and I’m expected to take it all sitting down and only judge him by his responsibility? What responsibility? A house? Cars? Food? Sperm for procreation? I can provide them for myself. (Yes, even the sperm. We have sperm banks, thank you.)

What I want from him is his love, his protection, and his fierce loyalty. If he cannot provide any of those, then we have no business being together. Every arrangement we have is null and void once his loyalty stops being 100%. I can no longer promise to not kill him.

Like I said, this is for wives and intending wives. I bet you know which one I am ;)

P.S. I am not asking for anything that I cannot and do not give.

P. P.S. Dear husband, wherever you may be, if you have ears, heed my words. *pulling your left ear* Heed my words oh!

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Comments

  1. says

    it is rather unfortunate that a LOT of women think it is ok for their husbands to cheat…

    a vow was taken at the altar- “to love and to hold, forsaking all others”…if a woman is expected to hold her own part of that vow, then so is her husband…”simples”…

    women should stop making excuses for men saying it is ok, it is normal, they cant help it..It is not ok!!!!…it is not alright!!!!! they can help it!!!

    I am sorry o, you cannot be married to me and be with someone else..

    No space!

  2. Temmytayo says

    I saw this sometime ago, and I thot it was funny and at the same time disgusting. Cheating shouldn’t be excused under any pretext abeg.
    If you can make up your mind to marry a woman, u might as well decide to stay faithful. That simple.

  3. Ayo says

    What SEX will do to a (wo)man’s morals cannot be rivaled by any other factor or thing on this earth.

    Any woman who has succumbed to the notion of not having a man that can be for her alone (in all and every way possible) till death do them part, has already purchased a visa that will only bring them to a big and welcoming city known as “Unhappiness”.

    SMH.

  4. A dude says

    Women need to wake up and smell the coffee. Not saying that all men cheat, or that they should. But if they do….. what will you do? Get out on ledge of the 125th floor and jump? Gyal please!!!

    • missk says

      Two words : Elin Nordegren

      But in the event you have no money or live in Naija where child support is nonexistent, rat poison works well too *shrug*

  5. says

    If a woman wrote this, she dey madt . . .

    If a man wrote this, he dey madt . . .

    Am not saying i’ll automatically quit my marriage if hubby cheats o (for the sake of argument, let’s assume first offense here), but I will sure give him HELL! Repeat offender/cheater, however? Sorry o, I still want to live long enuf to see Bomboy marry. So, I dey pack my kaya dey go.

  6. says

    Men have taken bad habits that existed generations ago due to polygamy and female domestication, and passed these habits on from generation to generation. And women, rather than stand up to it, have let them get away with it because they are ‘men’. I heard last night that some Nigerian fathers take their sons to brothels and say ‘This is what men do’. It’s such a cycle. I cannot deal with men that think that way.

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