When Funmie Dated My Boyfriends With Me

I’ve had the same friends for a very, very long time. And when you have the same friends for a long time, you also have a lot of memories. Like years ago when I’d meet a guy and we’d start talking on the phone, and I’d connect Funmie. She’d mute her phone and listen to our conversation all. Night. Long. Sometimes, she’d fall asleep and wake up on the phone and continue listening. This is the kind of leisure you have when there isn’t a little person screaming your name. Ada Verastic, please warn yourself. Funmie’s baby, Fofo should warn herself, too.

Those were actually fun times. Of course, these days, one should never attempt such a thing because there’s too much technology on these smartphones. Unless you’re talking on a landline, and who even still uses that?

Whenever “we” were done talking to the guy, I would hang up the phone and call Funmie back and we would deliberate on the conversation. We’d commend the guy for the good things he said and/or laugh at him for the stupid ones – like Tunde who tried to buy me with his money and wanted me to sleep with him because he had proof that he was not HIV positive.

As far as I can remember, there are only two men that I did not put Funmie on the phone for, and that’s because I really, really, REALLY liked both of them from the beginning. One of them was a marine (I often refer to him on this blog as My Marine) and the other one, well, I just liked him. I never did date the marine though. Ironically, these two guys that Funmie never listened to on the phone were the ones that everyone thought I’d end up with.

I still talk to My Marine every now and then. He’s married with at least one child. As for the other guy, I have no idea what’s happening with him. He just kind of faded into the group of people I used to know in a different lifetime.

Ten years ago, my friends and I thought we were so grown and we thought we knew everything. Now that some of us are married with kids (or just with kids but not married), we are starting to realize how much we did not know. Ten years from today, we will probably look back to this day and realize just how much we do not know today.

Still, one can choose to remember their younger days fondly. And we can remember the stupid, stupid things we did. Now that I think of it, I should write a post about the stupid things I did when I thought I was grown.

The other day I reminded Funmie of the time she dated my boyfriends with me – well, technically, they were not actually my boyfriends at the time Funmie was listening, and most of them never did become my boyfriends – and I laughed at how silly that was. She, too, could not believe the hours of her life she wasted listening to me talking to some boy.  

But I do miss those days when my biggest problem in life was completing my school project on time. And when I wondered why this boy or that boy dared to miss a day without calling me.  This adulting thing is exhausting.

P.S. My braids are called nubian twists. I used to love them. Now I’m looking forward to locking my hair. Yes, I’m still sipping on that kool-aid.