Sweet Potatoes, get in here.
This is my friend, Kay – short for Kayode – and he is single. Why does it matter that he’s single? Or why am I introducing him and his marital status? Well, let me tell you why. A couple weeks ago, I, Kay, and Funmie hung out. We went to Suya Spot in Owings Mills. It was my first time there, but I’ll definitely visit again.
Sandwiched between two women, Kay is definitely a lucky man
Anyway, we ate and drank and laughed, and at some point, I decided to go into Inquisitive-Vera-Mode and ask Kay why he was still single. He said it was because he had not found what he was looking for. I asked Kay what it was that he was looking for, but I won’t tell you what he said. I’ll let him convey that message himself. Also, what he’s looking for is not the point of this story.
The point of this story is that I asked Kay how he “toasts” women (do people still say “toast?”). For the non-Nigerians, toasting a woman means asking her out. My Sweet Potatoes, Kay told me that he does not ask women out, AND that men do not ask women out anymore AND that women don’t like/need to be asked out. Apparently, that’s old school now?
The last time I got “toasted” was on Wednesday, December 12th 2018, so for me, toasting is very much alive and well. In fact, to me, toasting isn’t just alive and well but also necessary. Mandatory. Compulsory. A must. Imperative. Required. No toasting for what?
Naturally, that led me to another question: But how do you get ladies?
He shrugged.
Here’s the thing about Kay: He’s nice, he’s tall, he has a nice smile, he’s easy on the eyes, he’s cultured, he has a sense of humor, he’s military, and he looks good in his uniform. And if you’re like me, you appreciate that he isn’t lanky, that he has meat on his bones, that he’s grabbable. And that he can shoot to kill. So sexy.
Kay doesn’t have to do much to entice or impress the ladies. In my mind, I imagine him flashing a smile, followed by his military I.D. and the women come running. He may throw a joke or two in there and the ladies immediately decide to support the military by giving Kay a happy ending. Maybe that’s not how it happens in real life, but that’s how it happens in my mind. I wonder how many women reading this story know Kay AND have given him many happy endings. Please oh! I don’t want to know.
But all you women who let Kay shine your congo without at least toasting you are to be blamed. Because of you, Kay now thinks that women no longer want or need to be toasted. Our dear friend, Kay is out of touch, and maybe that’s part of why he’s still single. He cannot find what he’s looking for because what he’s looking for wants to be toasted and chased, and you can’t see what you are not looking for.
There are some things in life that can be panty droppers – and a military man ranks very, VERY high on that list – but ladies, stop ruining it for the other women. Imagine how many men Kay has “coached” and told that women no longer need to be chased, and those men have gone into the world as Kay’s apprentices, boldly following his footsteps. And then some nice lady is sitting somewhere pissed off, irritated, and heartbroken because she cannot understand why that man thought he could just do that! Well, that ain’t right.
So, what was Funmie’s job during this conversation? Well, I was the question asker, and she was the answer interpreter because she has known Kay longer and she knows him better, so when he said things that almost dropped my jaw on the floor, Funmie was there to say, “What Kay is trying to say is ….”
I’m curious though: are there other men out there who believe that women no longer want or need to be toasted? Explain yourselves, please. I really want to know.
P.S. If you want me to do an honest review of Suya Spot, let me know in the comments.
P.P.S. Funmie and I have pictorial chemistry. I just made that up, but we totally have it.
P.P.P.S. If you like the Let-Me-Tell-You series, you should read more of them HERE
Funny a friend told me this same thing today, that he can’t cant remember the last time he toasted a woman and in fact he doesn’t do it because a girl has to like him more. And there are many willing to like him as much as he wants.
Na wa oh! We need to organize a serious training for these men.
Kay is definitely easy on the eyes. I definitely agree, people don’t take the time to officially ask folks out anymore, especially men in Heterosexual relationships.
I have definitely seen this on multiple occasions, as a Single Successful Black woman trying to date in the Midwest, USA.
Thanks for helping to educate Kay 🙂, but most importantly thanks for posting today, I have missed your write ups!
Wow. That’s discouraging. My friend (Uju) is single and successful too, and she keeps meeting men who are threatened by her success (she’s a doctor).
Also, thank you for reading! And thank you for reading my stories. I have missed writing them too. As for Kay, I hope I have educated him enough, so he can be an even better man for the next woman in his life.
Kay is the toastee. see person pikin see as he fresh, na dem dey rush am.
My dear, you haven’t told a lie.
It was nice hanging at Suya Spot… Please do a review.
Kay is a mad person…. but I love him like that!
I think this post just made him more popular with the gals too #sigh !
Awwwwwwwww…… Oluwafunmilayo!!! Jealousy is bad o!!! Why na?? Anyhow….. It is well Sha……kontinu!!
Hahaha. Don’t mind Funmie.
Lol. Fufu, I think it definitely made him more popular. Lol at him being a mad person.
If you’re single, you should date him na…. you look nice together <3
I can’t help it that my unnaturally good looks make me look good with almost everyone. It’s a cross I have to bear 😀
Review of suya spot, please! Lol
Your heart desires shall be granted unto thee. Lol.
I’m with on this Vera. It is the man’s job to do the chasing. Not that after one year, one guy will be dissing me, that I came unto him. I can’t deal. Team old school toasting for me.
Hahaha. I’m old school too. I don’t do the chasing. I’m too cute. Tehehehe. Forget cuteness sef, I just know that I have never met a man who truly wanted a woman and did not go after her. Therefore, I needed to be wanted and chased. I don’t expect every man to chase me, but I expect the one who claims to want me to do the chasing. Very simple.
Looking at Kay, if am a woman, won’t want him, such guys attract too many female fans ( or guys too)..lol
Ladies are becoming bold here in UK, they ask you out easy, the only challenge one is having is ladies can’t take a polite No for an answer..
Personally I think its very bold of them to ask a guy out, part of why I believe one must act sensibly and be sensitive when handling such situations..
Hope Kay has found someone, whoever goes with him must be ready to share him, no such thing on trusting him considering a determined lady always gets their man..
Fad, you’ve made an exceptional point here … the point that a determined lady always gets her man. I was recently told that a man who hasn’t cheated is a man who has not had the opportunity to cheat. How true is this? Also, per your comment, does that mean that men are at the mercy of women? Or that a relationship is basically at the mercy of other women? As in, your man will remain your man as long as some other woman isn’t determined to have him. Is that how you people (men) used to do now? Lol.
Lolz.. Yes o, that is how we roll..
Let me answer your questions..
This statement of yours “I was recently told that a man who hasn’t cheated is a man who has not had the opportunity to cheat. How true is this? ”
So very true except one wants to pretend holier than thou.. Every guy has their weak point, just a case of someone igniting it…
“As in, your man will remain your man as long as some other woman isn’t determined to have him. Is that how you people (men) used to do now? Lol.”
You could not have put it any better Vera.. Its not a fault of ours, just that ladies decide loads on our behalf covertly, we just tend to believe we’re the hunters, whereas we are the prey.
“Also, per your comment, does that mean that men are at the mercy of women?”
Absolutely, just that as we guys grow and acquire more wisdom and experience, we tend to know how to navigate this brilliant and intelligent specie called women…
“Or that a relationship is basically at the mercy of other women?”
Most definitely once a guy is not targeted, if targeted then he becomes edible to other women.
CHEI!!!!!!!
This is a problem oh! So, the solution is to have a man that no one wants? But who wants a man that no one wants? Lol. I mean, I guess the dream is to have a man that a few other people want, but he only wants you. Do such men even exist?