8 Things That Have Happened Since I Shared How My Marriage Ended

First of all, have I told you already that I did not even share everything when I wrote how my marriage ended? There’s more, and it does get worse. Hard to comprehend, I know. but that’s by the way. So much has happened since I shared how my marriage ended.

Below, in no particular order, are some of the things that have happened since then:

1.  People all over the world have flooded my inboxes and direct messages. Especially women. The sad part is that most of these beautiful women reached out to say that they, too, are either currently going through a difficult marriage or that they have gone through it and are out. I had a personal MeToo moment in my inboxes. The emails are so many that I am still not done responding, and new ones are still coming in. I’ll get to them all. Some of your stories had me howling. Thank you for trusting with such a deep and personal part of your life.

2.  The Sweet Potato Network grew. So many new Sweet Potatoes found me. I wish it happened under a happier circumstance, but it’s been my pleasure connecting with you still. Every time someone left a comment or emailed and said they were new, I had a big smile on my face that was followed by a shimmy shake.

3.  Reconnection with old bloggers and friends. For those of you who have been reading blogs for a while, you should know that some of your favorite old bloggers are still very much around, and a lot of them reached out. I don’t want to mention their names because I don’t know if they want to be publicly acknowledged or not. But I miss those days of all of us blogging together! Back then, we blogged for fun. No one was thinking about SEO or page views or branding. We just wanted to tell our stories. Anyway, I digress. So many of them reached out. So many friends I had lost contact with also reached out, too. It was quite nice reconnecting. Thank you!

4.  A deeper, more meaningful relationship with you, Sweet Potatoes. Is it just in my mind, or has our relationship really crossed into the next level? I mean, you now know intimate details about what used to be my sex life. That counts for something, right? I have shared my life online for over a decade, but this is the deepest, most intimate thing I have ever shared. I’m talking about my marriage now, not my sex life. It was not just a deep part of my life but also a painful one, so now that I’ve shared it with you, I feel like we can all get married now.

5.  Speaking of marriage, men have been shooting their shot – on and off the internet. See, it’s true that I am now unmarried, but that does not actually mean that I am now available to anyone. As someone who has experienced a one-chance kind of marriage, that is not a place I ever want to return to. But since declaring my “conscious uncoupling,” all kinds of men are shooting their shots. Cockroach oh. Lizard oh. Crayfish sef. All join waka come. Vera is single now, so she must be accepting any-damn-body. No, Sir. You people are offending me sef, and you don’t even know it. A man should shoot his shot, but he should always look face well before shooting the shot. Na divorce I divorce, I no kee pesin.

6.  My faith has grown again. When I discovered the juju in my home, my faith was tested and stretched. So many emotions flooded recklessly through me, all at the same time. My faith took a beating before it got stronger and bolder. I told myself back then that this, too, shall pass, and I swear, I believed it, but I did not know when or how it would pass, and that was scary for me. Before I shared my story about how my marriage ended, I did not know how you would take it. I hoped you would read it, and I hoped you would take it for what it was: the truth, but I still was not sure.

When I was done writing it, I quickly hit the Publish button before my mind had a chance to discourage me. It was around two in the morning, and I went to bed as soon as I published it. When I woke up and saw all the reactions, I cried. And then, I wondered why I continue to doubt God. He has my back. How many ways and how many times does He need to prove this?

7.  I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. As long as the story of how my marriage ended was not yet shared, I continued to mentally waddle around like a zombie. I lost my desire to write, and even when I wrote a little, I did not like what I wrote. It seemed forced. There was so much that I wanted to write about, but I could not write about those things without first telling you the state of my marriage. Well, now you know, and now I feel lighter.

8.  I’m excited about writing again. The other day, I slept in Funmie’s house, and I went to bed very late, but I woke up early to take notes on my phone about something I wanted to write about. Basically, I dreamt about it while I was asleep.  Sweet Potatoes, I don’t remember the last time that happened to me.

Most of the people who have heard my story have called me some version of BRAVE.  I won’t lie, I have liked this compliment. But I did not feel brave when I was doing what did because it was what I had to do. Continuing to stay in that marriage was never an option. I did not feel brave when I told The Boy that I was done. I did not feel brave when I called the police. I did not feel brave when I went to court. I did not feel brave when I filed for divorce. I felt like I was doing what any other woman would have should have done.

Between the time The Boy came back from Nigeria and the time the whole thing imploded, it was literally one month. He came back on November 19th (or 20th) and December 19th was the day I called the police.  So, it was in this one month that I told him I was done trying, and it was in this month that I started recording their conversations, and it was in this month that I called the police and got a protective order against him. If I could do it all over again, I would do it even quicker.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you need to stop protecting people at your own expense, especially people who are not protecting you. You need to reevaluate the things you tolarate. “Till death do you part” does not mean that your husband has to be the one to kill you. There is no reward for being someone’s footmat. There is no honor in remaining in a relationship that not only doesn’t serve you, but also diminishes you. Marriage is to be enjoyed, not to be edured. Anything that costs you your peace is not worth it. I wish you nothing but peace.

Please share this post. Thank you.