Well, technically, they’re not mine. But I’ll tell you about them anyway.
A couple of months ago, I had to attend a friend’s bridal shower. I did not want to buy the usual gift: lingerie. So I visited a naughty store close to my house. I don’t think these stores are actually called naughty stores, but for my sake, that is what I prefer to call them. Before I went in, I expected to find the usual: vibrators, handcuffs, whips, massage oils, adult movies, etc. But when I got in there, the things I saw totally blew my mind.
I asked the shop keeper so many questions that I think he was sick of me. If he could, he would have probably sent me out of the shop. I took pictures of some very interesting toys like the various colors of men’s members: blue, green, purple, yellow, pink, turquoise, orange, and much more (and they were mostly in neon). It was unusual. Why someone would want a man’s member in a color like that, and especially in neon was beyond me. And then, there was an 18-inch double header [a man’s member with two heads]. I still don’t understand that one. Are you supposed to share it with a friend? Or are you supposed to have the option of switching penetrating sides? *INSERT IGBO GIRL SHRUG*
There’s a general myth among my [African] men that sex toys are only for women. Apart from the fact that there are actually a lot of toys for men, I also cannot help but wonder: if the toy is made for the woman and the man uses it with her/on her, and of course, enjoys it in the process, is the toy, then, not for them both? But speaking of men’s toys, I saw something that was called a total erection system. I did not have the courage to ask the storekeeper what it was or how it was used. It had something that looked like a pressure cuff in it, too. Some things are better left unknown.
I really wanted to put pictures of the toys here, but I’ve never put such raunchy pictures on my blog. Silly pictures, yes. Too-much-information pictures, yes. Raunchy pictures of sex toys that look like the actual members? Not really. I do, however, have two pictures that are not as raunchy. Enjoy.
This is the ball gag. I asked the shop keeper what it’s used for, and he said you put it in the girl’s mouth [just like the picture] while they’re having sex, and what it does is create a muffled sound. My next question was, “But why???” And the shop keeper just gave me a what’s-wrong-with-this-girl look and said, “Because people like it!” Okay, then. I still don’t get it.
This one, all I could think of when I first saw it was maybe they’re mints for your mouth after oral sex? No, I was wrong. These go deep mints are for just that: going deep. Apparently, these mints numb the woman’s throat, so that when she’s performing oral sex on her man, she would be able to take more of his member in. This is an example of a toy that the man would derive pleasure from.
But why are you reading a post about oral sex? Because on Saturday, February 19th 2011, the Verastically Speakin’ Talk Show makes its debut — again. Topic: What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Sex Toys. I’ll be co-hosting with Miss Jayla and Amara Nwankpa, both of whom are very opinionated and experienced? The show will air at its usual time of 10 AM U.S. Eastern Time [3 PM GMT or 4 PM Nigerian Time]. Call 1.646.929.1905 to give us a piece of your mind about sex toys. There would be a live interactive chat room; all you need is a free account from www.blogtalkradio.com. If you don’t have one, now is the time to get one. If you already have one, make sure you still remember your user name and password. In case you are confused, this is an internet-based talk show. Just click the shop topic on Saturday to listen and chat.
P.S. There is a new poll by your right hand side. Please vote.
*shrugs* *coughs* *runs away* *infact, runs to hide*
#okbye
Funmie, you’ve kukuma always been a chicken. Common, small blog post dey chase you into hiding.
$17.95 for a ball gag??!?!?!?! Daylight robbery! It had better be tax-free.
We wish! Tax free gini? That is the price before the tax, and Maryland has 6% tax, so that brings it up to $19.03. Go figure.
Wait ooo. Have you bought one for a cheaper price? *wink, wink*
Wholesale price . . . $11.99. Minimum order of 300, please.
Buhahahaha. You no gree again ooo. You wan kill pesin with gag? Choi!!! Well, goodluck with that. I ain’t gonna be your customer, that’s for sure.
I hope I remember to tune in. Lol you crack me up Vera. I am tickled by you saying Member. who still says that?? LOL
Ewooooo. You tooo?????????????? You’re making fun of me, too — seriously??? Instead of you to stand up and defend your lady friend, you’ve joined these member-having people to clown me. Okay, now.
I know, right? That was cute, Vera 🙂
Thank you, my sister! See, that’s why I like you — unlike these other people 😉
hehehehehehe *snickers* with how prim and proper you were with this post Saturday will be very interesting cant wait
Yes, indeed! Saturday will definitely be very interesting. I can’t wait either. Me, Jayla, and Amara … total craziness!
Haha… this is the most sanitised sex toy post Ive seen in my life. Vera you can do better nah!! 😉 abi ur saving it for the talk show?
He he he he…. Vera, do you want your pastor to have a special blessing just for you? I am actually in awe that you were bold enough to walk into one ….
Hahahaha. You’re not serious at all! Lemme tell you, I am a baaaaaad girl ooo. in short, no try me sef. If my Pastor reads this post, I’ll tell him it’s not what he thinks. Q.E.D
this shld be interesting….
p.s. this is my first time hearing of go deep oral sex mints o
someone needs to try them out b4 saturday and report
hehehehe
I agree with you chayoma…I was thinking one of the hosts could try and give us feedback.
Ibukun, see your mouth like one of the hosts. In fact, I hereby appoint you as chief tester of the sex toys. Try them out and give us feedback.
I have told Jayla and Amara to try all these things out, k’anyi malu how (or if) they work. We’ll know on Saturday what kind of practicals they’ve been doing — for the sake of the show, of course.
Lool…this should be fun…I’m tuning in…my favourite Ugoo..is here oh
Chike b’anyi …. yay, you came! Thanks, boo. Yeah, definitely tune in. We intend to be crazy. Well, I’m mostly sane. Can’t vouch for the other two. *side eye at Amara and Jayla*
Neon “members”…hia!
and seriously, i also wanna ask, why now? why gag her??
Honestly, I still don’t get it. Why someone would enjoy sex while being gagged is a mystery to me. But then again, so many strange things do happen anyway. Who is it even a pleasure for? The man or the woman??? 😐
Vera you are just too much..lol. You truly never cease to amaze me. Amazing grace how sweet thy sound, not that muffled sound… see what you have caused. i can’t sing a worship song again.
I ll be working all day saturday : (
LOL. Abeg oooo. No dey blame your lack of holy spirit on me. LOL. You’ll be working all day on Saturday, ke? Nah men. We soooo cannot have that! Wetin na? How dare your job give you work on Saturday? Get me your boss on the phone. I’ll straighten this out right now.
I hope all three hosts for saturday know that they have to sample the good before getting on-air
I have told the two co-hosts that they have to sample the goods. The other one, the host of the show, she’s just there to learn. 😀
We wey dey las gidi, how we wan take know the time?
Las Gidi ko Oshodi ni. Didn’t I say the time in Las Gidi will be at 4pm Naija time? No dey find my trouble anyhow ooo.
Vera! Vera! Vera! how many times have i called you? member? This felt like a biology class lecture in a convent.
ahem…. so which one you buy na?
LOL @ Biology class in a convent. You know what? I don’t have time for all of you *insert long Igbo hiss* I didn’t buy anyone for myself, but I ended up buying a pair of handcuffs and a whip for my friend. She’s married now, and she still hasn’t sent me the video I requested (of her and her hubby using the gifts :D)
**Now deleting this page from my work computer browser history/cache – still sucking Agbalumo with one hand…
Chicken. Why are you deleting it? In fact, I dare you to download the show and play it at work … if dem born you well. And suck your agbalumo while it’s playing.
Abeg I need d pix jor … Since they don’t teach me in Unilag