Goldie’s New Calender (And She’s Not Alone)

No, seriously, which celebrity started this calendar trend? And do people really hang these things on their walls? So there I was jejely minding my business – as usual – when I spotted Goldie’s new calendar. I understand that Goldie is different, and I understand that she is supposedly the Lady Gaga of Nigeria. Whether or not that is a good thing is yet to be determined. But peep some of her pictures below. Oh. It’s a Zodiac calendar – if it helps clear up some confusion.

And there’s more ….

But they’re not all dark. Below is a happy one that will not have you screaming Blood of Jesus and soaking yourself in holy water at the sight of it.

 

In the beginning of the year, Majid launched his calendar. I don’t know if he was the first, but I know he launched a calendar.  Below are some of the pictures. The calendar costs $19.99, but in his defense, he said 20% of its proceeds will go to charity. I don’t remember the details now. And I don’t know if the rest are giving part of their calendar proceeds to charity, too.

I really like this picture. Well, I wouldn’t hang it on my wall, but it’s my favorite compared to the rest.

I don’t know what’s going on with this got-milk picture, but I’m gonna skip right on over to the next one, my least favorite of them all.

Dear Majid, I don’t know what look you were going for, but this is gay. If my man ventures to pose like this in a picture, we’re gonna have a conversation about his sexuality. Even the way they airbrushed and photo shopped the thing sef, it looks like he has some high class pancake on his face and some good Mac lip gloss. No oh, abeg.

And then, there was Chika Ike. *sigh* Honestly, they weren’t all bad.

I really like her face in this one. She looks really pretty. I no even know say the girl fine like this.

Dear Chika, there are very few times when a woman poses like this and looks great while at it. This is not one of those times. I don’t know what you were trying to accomplish with this pose oh, but it makes me all kinds of uncomfortable. The men might like it though, so hey, what the heck do I know?

Again, I ask, who buys these calendars? And where do they hang them? I can just imagine my Deeper Life aunty coming to my house and seeing Goldie’s angel of death picture on my wall. Kumuyi himself will organize a special deliverance service for me.

P.S. I did not post all the pictures from the calendars. As much as I’d have loved to, 36 pictures are a lot of pictures to post.

P.P.S. But Goldie, seriously though?