Did Herman Cain Want A Blow Job? That Is The Question.

When I heard the story about the woman who was accusing Herman Cain of a sexual assault incident that occurred fourteen years ago, I immediately gave her a certified “Bitch, please!” response, but realizing now that there are two other women who are also accusing him of sexual harassment, it has reduced my response to Sharon. Instead of a “Bitch, please!” she gets a “Bitch, please” The difference is that one has an exclamation mark, makes it more intense and confident.

So I was going to write about how the allegation against Herman Cain was clearly false. The once anonymous woman that accused him who now has a name – Sharon Bialek – waited 14 years to come forward. She claims that when she lost her job with the National Restaurant Association in the nineties, she went to Herman Cain to ask for guidance (on looking for a new job). While they were supposed to be discussing the business of a new job, Mr. Herman Cain put his hand under her skirt and reached for her genitals. To add insult to injury, he also pushed her head toward his crotch while they were in a car. It is unclear to me whether both incidences happened on the same day and at the same location – the infamous car.

Now, let’s ask a few questions here – Verastic style:

1. Women’s genitals are not half as easy to grab as the men’s own. To grab a women’s genitals, you’ll have to dig deep and dig far – literally. And in the process of your digging, your hand must not get trapped by her surprisingly strong legs. On that note, I have to ask, what was Sharon Bialek doing while Herman Cain was digging deep for her most valuable treasure?

2. In what sitting position was she while this digging was happening? Was she sitting with both legs ajar? Were her legs crossed? Were her legs just next to each other?

3. If this event took place in the car, then what was their geographical location in the car? Was he driving while she sat in the front passenger’s seat? Or was she driving while he sat in the front passenger’s seat? Were they both in the back seat?  Were they sitting across from each other in a limousine? If not in the car, then were?

4. I would also like to know what was happening prior to the alleged reaching for Sharon’s genitals. Yes, I know she said they were talking, but I’d like to have a clear definition of “talking.”

5.  About him pushing her head toward his crotch, I’d like to know what she did when this happened.

6. Since we know they were in the car when he pushed her head toward his crotch, I’d like to know what sitting arrangements they had in the car when this happened. Which one of them was driving (assuming the car was in motion when this happened)? If neither of them was driving, then who was? If the car wasn’t in motion, then why?

7. Why did Sharon wait fourteen years to report this allegation?

8. Now that she has reported it, what exactly does she want?

9.  When Herman Cain pushed her head toward his crotch, could he not have just been trying to get her to kneel down so he could pray for her to get a new job?

In spite of this allegation, however, Herman Cain is still ahead in the polls. Wait, let me make you understand. You see, Herman Cain is a presidential hopeful from the republican party. Some of his republican opponents include Rick Perry and Mitt Romney, both of whom I can’t stand, but I’m sure they don’t care either. In case you have not noticed, I am proudly #TeamObama.

There are many things the republicans are famous for. Having a Black man in their party isn’t one of them. Having a Black man who is ahead in the polls is especially not one of them. Having a Black man who is ahead in the polls and weak in foreign policy, seemingly undecided about abortion (is he pro life or pro choice?), and still Black is a republican sacrilege. And what happens when he’s a man who flip flops on a lot of issues, is accused of sexual harassment by three women — and all the while, he still maintains his Blackness? Mercy, mercy!

In light of this fact, I have decided to contact the republican party to point out to them that Herman Cain is Black. They need to know the truth! Do you know what will happen if Herman Cain becomes the republican nominee? It means that come 2012, America will be forced to vote for either a Black man or a Blacker man. Whether they vote or not, one Black man will be their new President.

My advise? Vote for the one who’s less Black: Barack Obama.

P.S. If someone else does win the republican nomination – i.e. a White man – you should then vote for the guy who is less white: Still Barack Obama.