Why be normal when you can be Verastic?? And that’s a serious question by the way.
I told you about the wonderful Verastic ideas I have for my bridesmaids, and Lolo Bloggs couldn’t help but ask what plans I have for myself as the bride, so Lolo Bloggs, this post is especially for you. Yes, I realize other people asked too, but Lolo Bloggs asked first. Listed below are a few ideas for my wedding; they will be implemented from the time of my engagement to the wedding. Some might call these plans drastic, but I prefer to call them Verastic.
1. My fiance will propose to me every month after the initial proposal – just to reinforce that he wants to marry me. And no, he does not need to buy a new ring for each proposal – unless he wants to, of course.
2. My friends must throw me a surprise bridal shower every month. This is because I don’t think one bridal shower will be enough for everyone and all the gifts I intend to receive.
3. My husband and I will renew our vows every year, and we will have a big reception. This will be to remind ourselves (and others) that we are married. Of course, each renewal will preceed a huge compulsory asoebi party and a bomb-diggitified honeymoon where we will procreate till — whenever.
4. For my first wedding, I cannot have it in only one location because not everyone will be able to make it there. I’ll have it in Yankee, in London, in Naija, and in Iraq (for our soldiers at war; I wouldn’t want them to miss this golden opportunity).
5. My husband and I will go on three honeymoons. A pre-wedding honeymoon, a wedding honeymoon, and a post wedding honeymoon.
6. In other to include everyone in our wedding, my husband and I will have almost all types of weddings. I said almost. We will have a court wedding, a Christian (white) wedding, a traditional wedding, an Islamic wedding, a Jewish wedding, a Hindu wedding, Sikh wedding (is there any such thing?), a Budahist wedding, and any other kind we can think of.
7. Between the wedding (in church) and the reception, my husband and I will be secluded in a locked room for some private talking time. We may not do much talking, but we sure will have some private time. Hmmmm…. wonder what we will be doing. Ideas, anyone???
8. Considering all the money we’ll be spending on our wedding, it is only fair that we try to cut the costs a bit. We’ll tell our guests to bring their own food and water, and we’ll provide the cups & utensils – all disposable, of course.
9. If we do provide the water, we will not provide cups, and it will not be one bottle per guest. Instead, everyone must take a gulp from the bottle and pass the rest to his/her neighbor. There is joy in sharing, you know.
10. But just in case over-richness begins to worry my husband and I (AMEN!!!), we will provide each table @ the reception with one cow. Yes, I said each table will have a cow. Each table will have 8 guests, and they must finish that cow b4 they go home. No take away! Oh, of course, it will be cooked.
11. The beef will be served with a bag of rice. Yes, each table must eat one bag of rice. After which they will drink it down with a carton of beer. Each guest = a carton of beer. Failure to comply with the rules will result in panel beating by a panel beater.
That’s it for now. As you can see, I don’t ask for too much. I only ask that my wedding – like yours truly – be Verastic.
P.S. Does any1 have info about making graphic tees? I mean those tees with inscriptions on them. I need a lot of it, so that means wholesale price, please. The earlier you help me out, the earlier we will have this Verastic wedding. No, I’m not engaged, but like I always say…a gal can plan ahead, can’t she?
**Vera thinking** Hmmm….what if all the guests wear a tee-shirt that says, “Some idiot invited me to her wedding and said I must share a cow with 7 other people…” Hehehehe. But on second thoughts, I don’t know how I feel about 7, 500 people calling me an idiot on my wedding day.
Oh, did I forget to mention that I will be having 7, 500 guests?? Not a lot, is it?
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ahahah
i like numba 7 jare… i have actually thot about that sha… except our private time will be in the limo… chei i pity the driver in advance sha…. and no vera, my bridesmaid will not be in the same limo.
You know that Sugabelly (Dinka) can help you with the tees now…she might even give them free as her wedding gift if you ask her nicely!
LMAO. Vera, you don come again. You dey marry Bill Gates???
ah!
vera mehn this is verastic!
shuu…only 4 one person???
btw #7..in church???lol!
Godforbid for #8 o…for over-richness shall worry u 2 so we wont have to bring our food o.
lol..
very verastic!!!
VERAAAAA
YOU ARE CRAZIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
TOTALLY CRAZY! LMAO AT NUMBER 4. NA YOU KNOW O BUT DAMN SHA, OMO, YOU CRACK ME UP! XOXO BOO
VERA! You have killed me again!…
LOL @ everything..I;m stealing the 3 honeymoon idea to add my own Verastic touch to my wedding..but a big LOL to everybody on a table finishing their cow and bag of rice….with NO TAKE-AWAY….
You’re just incredible
x!
and then you woke up.lol
i like that no 4 sha………. thanx jare cuz i dont want my uncle’s bro’s cuz to miss the wedding…….. u just made my night
Funms, how u take reach here b4 me ehn?
As for u Vera……all i can say is Goodluck to your husband!
Funmie: LOL. Y can’t the bridesmaids be with you people in the car?? We want to!!! We insist. We wanna see. LOL. And stop being first jooo. Let other people come first.
Good Naija Girl: Well, I have visited her blog. I’m hoping 2 hear from her soonest.
Original Mgbeke: Nah! He betta pass Bill Gates ooo.
Gee: Amen!!! I claim it in Jesus name. Over richness shall worry me and my husband in Jesus’s name, but you know that means you’ll have to eat one-eight of a cow, right?
Temite: Hehehe. My dear, you know me na…I just wanna make sure that everyone makes it to the wedding. Hehe.
Bob IJ: LOL. Yes, I realize that their stomach might be bulging by the end of the wedding; in fact sef, all the food might cause pain.
Nice Anon: LOL! I no wake up ooo! This is not a dream. Prepare thyself.
Funms: You’re welcome, honey. Anything 4 u. U sef, u know you’re always on my mind. Hehe
LMAO……….See ya wicked plan sha… Proposal + bridal shower every month + four wedding + tiwee ‘oneymoon + small gist for shurch….. Make u no kill person o!!!!
the New Danny Bagucci…
lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you’re too funny…couldnt stop laughing..
Will be back!!
Later Babes!!!!!!!!
F.
LOL. Poor husband. LOL at Pre and post wedding honeymoon. I CAN eat a cow, no problem.
Now you make me want to have a verastic wedding.
make sure you hubby has some verastic hormones.
Vereeeeee Verastic. I will attend all the weddings. I know we will make a Guiness record.
Vereeeeee Verastic. I will attend all the weddings. I know we will make a Guiness record.
hope ur future hubby doesn’t read blogs…
Vera don come again o!
Thanks for the number 4…..
and as per number 7, small children like us do not understand…could you please expantiate 🙂
and I pray for over richness to do more than worry you both, it will overtake you………..Lol
kai, vera..a wedding in iraq?????
ROTFLMFAO, Hot triple deymmm, this girl na be a serious Bis Girl!!
I do have some *small* sympathy for your future husband, may he have the patience of a 200 year old turtle and the wealth of a Saudi oil baron…amen!
Oh and I’ve been to a Sikh Wedding, instead of dashing small bills, the guests give the couple £50 notes or $100 bills….will go a long way to help with the paying for future ceremonies!
Lol! Won’t you also have one in the Niger-Delta to give the restive youths something to smile about? Eh, Vera? Lol
And as for that bumight pregnancy thing…[sigh]…I swear I dont know how it happened…I just kinda slipped…hehehehe
U don kolo finish!!!
Why not leave d rice n cow uncooked for these ppl so they can enjoy their meal at home, ehn?
LMHO!!!!Veraaaaa you have made my day today…seriously!!!Thanx hon!!!
And your wedding dress?U didn’t shed light on that o
Thanks for the invite Vera but i shall not be attending your wedding! lol
Vera, its official…you have been charged, on the count of being crazy….hold on, let me get your asylum key….then again, you were just being verastic.
abeg no scare away our men oo. you add your list to the list your family and kins men will give him….he will definitely be looking for a get away
Oh my goodness. U for tell us say na Donald Trump you dey marry now….
oh my. These plans na wa
lol all this for one person.. na wa oo, but u r write sha a gal can plan ahead..
Mizchif: My husband will be a very lucky man. How many times do I have to tell you people, ehn? Make una mind urself ooo!
Danny B: I no go kill any1 oh. I’m just tryna break the record. U sef, you know na! LOL. U go dey there abi?
Fashinga: I’m glad you laughed. But make sure u prepare yourself oooo. It will be BIG.
Poetically Tinted: LOL @ eating a cow. You’re my type of guest! See, I like you ooo! All these other people dey do shakara like say dem no fit finish cow…and no be say dem need to eat one cow all by themselves o, but you… real chica! Gimme knuckle jare! lol.
OluwaDee: What’s stopping you from having a Verastic wedding??? Abeg, you berra have one – or several ooo! And yes, he’ll definitely have some Verastic hormones. Y not, if not?
Luscious Ron: I trust u na! That is why you’re my attorney @ law. You will always be my chosen counsel.
Qube The Wordsmith: LOL! What are you trying to say exactly, ehn? Mind ur sef oo!
Olufunke: LOL. Now you’re a small child ehn? Ehn..there is nothing 2 xplain. We will be in the secluded room. I dunno what we will be doing – which is why I have asked 4 ideas. Hehehehe. And AMEN to your prayers!! May over-richness overtake us in Jesus’ name! AMEN!!!!!!!!!
Buttercup: Yes ooo! I can’t leave the soldiers hanging, you know?
Lolo Bloggs: Hahaha. Ehm, what exactly is that supposed to mean?? My husband will be a lucky man, thank you very much! LOL. So they dash big bills @ a Sikh wedding ehn? I must have one like that then. Ah!! Nothing go stop me ooo.
Doug: Now that you’ve mentioned it, you’re right ooo! I go do one wedding for the Niger-Delta area. And that your xplaination for Bumight’s pregnancy is simply not good enuff. U slipped ke??? U’d have to come up with something better oooo!
FBA: U don kolo finish. Which wedding have you gone to where they serve uncooked meals?? And no, they will not take anything home. They must eat everything right there.
Write Freak: U must attend it oh! U must attend this wedding whether you like it or not. Don’t vex me.
Naijagirl: Lai lai! He no fit run. It has been signed, sealed, and delivered. I’m not even charging him too much sef. This is the discounted wedding plan ooo! LOL.
Rosie: No be Donald Trump oo. He better pass Donald Trump sef. U berra ask about him. LOL.
Solomon Sydelle: Ah, na real wa oh! Hope you’ve started saving your dough sha…
BrownSkinNaijaChic: Abi ooo! Thank you, my dear! It never hurts 2 plan ahead. Hehehe
No Vera i shan’t be attending this wedding! With all these conditions! No way! Abi na by force????
Babe, for once you dissapointed me. You didnt mention the special guests of the occasion (Barrack and I).
Abi is it over-jealousy that is worrying you??
LOL.. Dream on, girl. I wonder how many kids you and this yr husband will have; with all the honeymoon(s).
where is my comment? u better go and look for it o!
wait, we’ll be sharing one bottle of water, yet we’ll have one cow on the table?
ROFLMAO!!!!VERA na u biko o!!!!
check out my blog
tinuo.blogspot.com
U are tripping! lol
Na wa oh. I must attend this your wedding oh. Allah
You’ve completely gone crazy…
But omo I must not miss thie wedding 4 anything. In fact na me go be ur first guess.. Vera..Vera..vera..U cant and wont kill me…Nice one sis.
LMAO! This wedding will not happen behind me o! I must be there- but me i’ll bring my drink sha! Cos i cant eat 1/8th of a cow without drink! lol
So errm…obviously dis ur future hussy is rolling in hay- e no get brother wey fit give me too 3 honeymoons? lol
@ShonaVixen- Of cos the dress will be made by Vera Wang herself, abi now?
ROTFL…
I can give you a list of things to do during the private time…call me for the list:-)
I guess I have to start saving for your wedding, seeing that I will be wearing asoebi very often…
@rita: save ke?! i was thinking of robbing a bank, u game?
@vera:
u have gone verastically gaga, again! i will start scheming on what bank to rob and when, just tell me the date on time.
What kind of water do you drink that gives you this kind of guu guu gaa gaa imagination.
I need to come and visit you / inspect your house.
Vera! My goodness!! ROFLMAO. Talk about wanting a wedding and not necessarily wanting to be married.
You don kolo finish..if any prospectives see this list you will remain a maiden forever.
Over richness gats to worry you and hubby o!
7,500 guests? Why not just round it up to 10,000?
Now that’s a cute crowd right there!
lol!!
craze person. ur husband go ty, which one is monthly proposals?
May ur husband not need to clone himself just to be able to keep up with u. AMEN!
*shaking my head*
almost no comment……….
but i ‘ll comment
7500???????
Oginni???????????
a cow?a carton of stuff i dont drink
babe you sure you wan make i attend?????
na wa o. u will force me to eat the cow and u no go gimme water? na wa for this kain wedding o!
Well because you are dear to my heart, i will still bless you with my attendance lol
Write Freak: Yes oh, na by force!!! U will attend this wedding by force, or I will put a rope on your neck and pull you.
Sleekiest: Oh, I didn't forget you and Barack oh, but I was saving that for last…you know now! I dunno how many kids we will have; I guess we'll just keep going till we can't go anymore. We gas to be fruitful & multiply.
Bumight: Yes, you read it right. Why, is it too much? U no fit handle one-eight of a cow with a gulp of warer?
Tinu: Thank you, my sister. After me, nobody else. Na only me oo! In fact, I throway yansh for my ownself.
Smaragd: I no dey trip ooo! Stay there now and you will see.
African Weight Loss Diva: Ur name is on the list too! U know you have to help me lose weight b4 the wedding. I want to increase my butt size and decrease my waist size. How I go fit accomplish that one? I want my butt to be so pumped that you can place a glass of water on it and it will stand. Sebi you get?
Spicey Tee: Ah! I kuku have your name on the guestlist, so no shaking. You go dey there live & direct. If you no dey there, na who go dey? LOL. Oya, go & start saving your money kia kia.
Confessions Of A London Gal: So you're saying that the gulp of warer will not be enough to flush down one-eight of a cow??? How much warer do you need? Swallow pit, jare! Ehm, I'll ask my future hubby if he has a brother who can also give you 3 honeymoons, but you know I can't know the answer to this question until I actually get engaged. lol.
Rita: Ha! Yes oh. U berra start saving. You will wear asoebi every year and it will not be any cheap one ooo! I will definitely call you for the list. It better not include reading the book of Psalms! LOL
Omotee: LOL @ Verastically gaa gaa. I will surely let you know; don't worry. I don't mind if you rob a bank oh…as long as it you don't rob the one that has my money. Sebi you grab? LOL
30+: Hehehehe. What are you even trying to say ehn? R u tryna say head don crase me? This isn't a goo goo gaa gaa imagination; this na real life. I gas to be over rich, and I gas to have my 10, 000 guests. Yes, ke!
In My Head & Around Me: You know, just 4 that comment you have made, I will indulge you all on my future marriage. I have to go & think about it first, but when I'm thru, you'll know that I wanna be married. Why not, if not? I will wound u ooo.
Afrobabe: Tufia kwa!! Get thee behind me, rubbish gal! My prospectives will be happy sef that there is a woman out there who desires so little and yet loves so much. Afrobabe, you go wound oo!
Enkay: U know you're right oh. Why have 7, 500 guests when I can have 10, 000??? Hmmmmm. I must discuss this with future hubby. We gats to have 10, 000 guests. Yes, ke!
Rayo: The monthly proposals will make it (our union) a lot more exciting, no? No dey jealous me ooo!
9ja Kuti: Hehehe. My husband will be equal to the task. Thank you very much! LOL. He will know me well well b4 we embark on our journey. But if he does decide to clone himself, then who am I to say no? Two for the price of one ey?
Ibiluv: Yes oh!!! U musto attend this my wedding. I will put a rope around your neck if I have to. No try me ooo!
Neffie: LOL. Thanks a lot, my love. I cannot wait 2 see you eating your one-eight of the cow and taking it home with a gulp of water.
It's ok. A girl can dream. But I pray you & hubby suffer from over-richness!!
ahahahaha
ahhaaaaaaaaaaaahaa
vera. i love you.
Anyaposh: Amen oh, my sister. I’m also praying 4 the same illness. I want us to suffer from over richness too.
Wordsmith: LOL! I love you too!!! I know you understand me and my ways. Hehehe
wow…lol..ur own pass me ooo..lol
LOLLLL MY KOLOCIOUS SISTA’ CONGRATS ON UR AWARD 🙂
YOU WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i MEAN I VOTED AND YOU WON,OYA DO A POST AND DEDICATE TO MOI RIGHT AWAY! LOL
lOVE YA PLENTY.
Vera congratulations!!!!
You eh eh
Care to check my blog for what Writefreak said about you?
7,500 guests ke?
Thats too small for our sweet Vera o!
We should make it like 20,000 guests…
I hope you go fit manage am like dat.
Kolo case!
Congratulobia on ur award dear.
Congratulationsssssssssssssssss on ur award
1 cow per table?
1 bag of rice per person?
1 carton per person?
u want to give evry1 chronic constipation?
BlackTulip: Hehehe. What can I say??? I get am like that. Hehehe. How body?
LG: Thank you oooo!!! But this one wey you dey call me kolo, I don’t know how I feel about it oh!
Temmy Tayo: Thanks, baby!!! You’re the bomb diggity! I’ll do the post as soon as Category B is done, I promise.
Tinu: Thanks, Tinu!!
Standtall: Write Freak talked about me on your blog??? It berra be good stuff oh… if not, we go fight! Okay, I’m off to your blog.
Princesa: I was going to make it 10, 000 guests oh, but then this your idea ehn, I like it berra. 20, 000 guests it is! LOL. Thanks 4 the congratulatory message. The parry will be @ my house.
BSNC: Thanks, love!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’m blushing multi-colored right now.
Omoh: LOL! No oh. I just wanna make sure that every eats belleful @ my wedding. If that results in chronic constipation, then who am I to stop it?
u have mii rolling over laughing
oh my word
a wedding in Iraq for the troops
na wa oo
You are so gifted, I cant wait to see your talents unfold.
God bless.
Uche
U no serious, u want ur guest to bring their food eh. E go better sha.
Kafo: Why, yes. No1 ever considers the troops in Iraq, but I will break the record and have a wedding for their pleasure. Yes, I will.
Uche: Awww. Thank you soooo much!! Have me in your prayers, biko. Thank you!!! My regards to everyone.
Omo Calabar: Well, I’ve changed my mind about that. I’d rather feed them with a bag of rice and a cow. That sounds much better to me.