On Saturday, I attended a Gala/Fund Raiser hosted by the Unique Ladies of Anambra State. My mother told me about the event two months ago and told me about my mandatory attendance because she had already paid the $75 ticket fee for me, which of course was non refundable. Why did she go and pay for me? She knew that was the only way to guilt me into attending it, and she refused to let me pay for it too. I didn’t want to go. I figured it would be one of those overpriced parties where one of two things will happen:
(1) It would be a tiny hall made for 200 people, but will be filled with 500 sweating Igbo people.
(2) It would be a huge fall for 500 people, but will contain thirty overdressed, over made-up women and 5 alleged husbands who will be openly having adultery of the mind.
So I went down…. oh God… my feet.
I went down again… oh God… my thighs
Oh… God…. My knees.
Haba! Na so dem dey get babe for your village? So just because we exchanged some little information, we should start swapping spit abi? I don’t even know what kinda particles are brewing in his spit. Abeg, Mr. Kisser…carry go. That is an abormination in my land ooo. Tufia kwa! My people, no be say I dey fear oh, but I used speed to enter the car and drive off.
I’m not gonna send him his pictures yet. Why? I told him my real name, and if I send the pictures, my name will appear. I wouldn’t want him to get bored and google me and lo and behold, this website will pop up. He called me today. Red flags were flying everywhere. For starters, he was at a noisy place with his friends, and his attention was divided. That’s a big, fat X. He complimented my ebony skin. The problem is that I’m not ebony; I’m light skinned. That’s another big, fat X. He told me I’m beautiful. I said thanks about twice or thrice. He said, “That was a compliment; you didn’t say thanks.” Uh oh. Another X. I might be wrong, but Mr. Kisser strikes me as one who will demand that I walk around with a t-shirt that says, ‘Mr. Kisser is Lord’.
Meanwhile, my strapless bra gave me this yeye burn or whatever you’ll call it. I tried several times to take a picture of it with my Nikon camera, but my breast refused to stop appearing in the picture, so I had to use the camera of my phone. The Nikon kept auto focusing on my breast. Naughty, naughty camera!! I scrolled in as much as I could with my camera phone and stood in front of the mirror to get the shot. You see what women have 2 suffer? Hmmm, and to think I once used to be flat chested.
U are freaking hilarious and that guy is freaking crazy. Wow, i wonder what he was thinking.
Yup…I agree..Vera you have lost your mind! WTH was Mr. Kisser thinking! You shoulda stepped on him with your stilettos joo
Sting: He is the only one who knows what the heck he was thinking. I mean, seriously…what ha hell?!
Sapphireaster: Babe, no be my fault now. It’s in my DNA. But you know, you’re right. I really should have stepped on him with my stilettos. Arrant nonsense!
I think you made a good call on Mr. Kisser! Now we shall wait for someone worthy to show up.
lol, I just checked out the pics: why do naija people always have to have a high table at EVERY event?
u know u can just open a new email address and use it to send the pics to Mr. Kisser?
GNG: I think I made a good call too. The guy was just a funny guy. Talk about having issuez! Anyhoo…moving along…
Bumight: The high table thing is a mystery. Who even came up with it? And does that mean the ‘low tables’ are not as important? LOL. I thought about opening a new email address for Mr. Kisser, but abeg, that’s too much trouble. I already have enough wahala checking the ones I have. He’ll have to wait. Besides, I’m pretty sure he does not care for the pictures that much.
lol…He sounds like the type of men one shouldn’t meet…imagine…ebony kuh…and he wanted a kiss…truely you should have used ur stiletto…
Kept picturing u trying to come back up and feeling wuzzy..lmao…fine girl no easy oh…my internet at home is crap so cant view the pics…will check them out at work…
Afrobabe: As you said, fine girl no e no easy @ all o!! Chei!! My dear, if not that I am soooo not physically strong ehn, I woulda used my stilettos. Yes, he called me ebony. I dunno when or how I became ebony.
Vera… i told you to get a FINE mans’ numba… not an IGNORANT mans’ numba…..
chei verachi the ebony chikito numba 1
Hmm, we share the same state… interesting.
Why do you blame Kisser? I thought thats what happens in american movies. Kiss on the first day? Not that I mind, though.
Your D40X interested me a couple of weeks ago as my camera packed up on me a while back.
Settled for a Lumix almost DSLR 🙂
The pics on shutterfly, were they done with the camera?
Heard your voicemail on some blog, singing.. you sounded… I cannot find the adequate word
Vera,
You have an interesting and engrossing blog.
Funmi: Thunder fire you! Nonsense & ingredients. How dare you come here & insult me? Besides, you were not specific as to what kinda man’s number I should get. U just said I should get a man’s number, and I did. So wetin? And by the way, fine men can be very, very ignorant.
Tobenna: You heard my voice? LOL. Whose blog was it? I cannot even remember. So what did my voice sound like? Biko, do not judge me based on my signing ooo. My singing does not represent my sanity – I hope. LOL. Did you we like kissing on the first date in America? This boy, you go wound o. It depends on the pesin sha, but I still like the old fashioned way: NO KISS TILL THREE MONTHS. LOL. So how do you like your camera?
Wande: LOL. Thanks. Does that mean I’ll be seeing more of you then? *smile*
Sangololu: Hahahaha. You’re crazy!!! So you want me to allow my tata to just go public like that? Haba, Sangololu! But ehm, since you’re mad at me, I apologize. Please, forgive me. How may I appease you?
You shoulda slapped the guy. Some men just make u want to resort to violence sha. How dare him try to ram his tongue down ur throat within housr of meeting you.
I like your writings on NIA by the way.
Just wondering…what do u think Mr Kisser’s friends call him? Eze Umuwanyin? Perhaps thats why he feels he can kiss just abt any woman.
Pink Gloves: I know, right? They really do make us wanna resort to violence. If I had slapped him, I woulda been branded a bitch or something like that. I mean, it’s not like we had chemistry flyinf everywhere or anything like that. He had no reason to bring his mouth close to mine. Eww.
A Black James Bond: LOL. Who knows? That might be his name oo. Igbo people are fond of having some very funny afa otutus as I have come to find out. Well, one thing is for sureL he is not my Eze. LOL.
I do not like being kissed so he is lucky he was not trying to kiss me, I would have b……..
Gosh, i’m angry for u…what audacity the man had! pls tell me he was a bit goodlooking atleast! Something to give him credit for besides the fact that he can dance…Don’t even bother with the pics… emm…wait, is it possible to put it up here? Ok, maybe that’s a bit mean, even for me…just a thot…”get thee behind me satan”lol
Singing…
u may kiss d girl, mwah, oh, kiss d girl… (4x and till fade).
Kissing so soon,Haba! Hmnn, d one and only Verastic Vera, you’re one of a kind. I guess u must’ve been blazing hot abi… U 4 burn am well wt some pepper spray too.
I tink u should av told him to relax den stand in one place and close his eyes. Then u shd av walked away from a little, pulled ur shoes and stoned him with it and all d makeup in ur bag…..lol!!! D guy is a nutta!!!
lmao @ funmi….Ignorant man’s no indeed…
My green one! how are you doing o??
Ms. Zee
lmao… thats some funny ass shit… guys these daysss.. i swear i thought i was the only one meeting odd(er) guys lately… actually ur own better… my own na so so guys when don stay jail…one jamo boy just got out oct after 8 months there(he had the bullet.. his ‘brethren’ had the gun.. come see as this boy sexy.. but i no fit jare.. it wasnt his first offence.. i mean not to be judgemental or goody goody.. but when you’re talking about a jail sentence like its cool… or no big deal and guns.. omo i no interest oh.. if you go jail for ‘civil rights’ e easy to hear pass.. lol.. the other jamo one went to america for jail sentence.. a year and a half… lol.. i no even bother ask wetin him do self.. omo i quickly told him i would call him back.. the boy was like ahh overwhelmed i’m a good guy.. im like ehn i know.. lemme call u back still… since then i’ve been ‘busy’… haha… i cant even deal with a lot of this stuff i swear.. all kinds of guys dey… in fact my guy gist… i no fit start for this page.. we go fill book. on a sexier note.. i dey jandddddddddddd… so egzairring.. i miss you my favorite husband snatcher…
Doja: Please enlighten me. What would you have done?
S. Chic: LOL. I woulda loved to put his picture up, but my dear, it’s a small world. You never know who is reading this. Shoot, for all I know, he might be reading this. If he is, I will be screwed. LOL. But whatever, I no fear!!
Babzent: U may kiss which gal? LOL. I was not blazing hot oo! If I was, I did not know it. LOL. That pepper spray thing is not a bad idea @ alllll. U know I have one in my purse. One never knows when she will need it. People r crazy these days.
Nikkisab: Hahahahahaha. I’m picturing it, and it’s hella funny. Hahaha. That woulda been nuts! But babe, what if he had proceeded to beat me? LOL.
Afrobabe: Don’t mind the yeye girl! It’s not like she woulda gotten somebody’s number o. Nonsense & ingredients. *hisses*
Ms Zee: I’m good babe. Whatever happened to your blog. I checked it out the other day, and it was empty. Abi did you change your url? Make I check am again.
Overwhelmed: Nna, that jail tory na another one oo. LOL. Like seriously!! Next thing, you’ll be bailing him out again and again. Abeg, that one is too much as you said. But I feel you on being busy oh. LOL. I would be “busy” too if I were you. Needless 2 say, I miss you too.
Babe, I spent 2 hours on blogger toda and I couldnt think of anything to blog about… Please help me out now.Lol
LOL @ this post Vera. What is it with guys nowadays? Yesterday I read the new post that 30+ wrote about a guy she was hooked up with, the same audacity!
Anyways how are you doing my dear?
is he mad! what da heck wat was he thinking… hediot oshi!
lol, ur mom is funny! I love how she pushed u into going to that event 😀 hehe
Temmy Tayo: LOL. Hahahahaha. A whole two hours and you still couldn’t figure anything out? Eyaa. LOL. How bout you blog about our undying love *wink*
Favored Girl: I’m doing well, my dear. I dunno what it is with guys these days o. I mean, I had just met him, and it wasn’t like there even ANY sort of chemistry. He had no reason 2 even attempt to put his lips on mine. When did we start love that we’re kissing?
Str8 Up Desiree’d: He’s definitely mad o! There r mad people everywhere; I have found that out. My mom is just a character. She knows how to get me.
ha ha ha ha ha….ONLY YOU VERA, na ONLY YOU. Lolllllll…
Mr Kisser is funny o…ahn ahn, first day u meet the babe u wan kiss am. It wasn’t even as if u guys went on a romantic date, u JUST MET HIM!!! I don’t want to say he his bold, I’ll just say he’s HILARIOUS!
Vera, pls is that part of ur breast? Lolllll. I’m finding it hard to locate where on ur body the picture is decribing. At least I know what the redness is all about…
Always love reading u…
Hmmmmmmmm ….. so this is what u have been doing just cos I been go on sabatical leave abi ..no wahala ….. u go hear wen when I cum back,maybe na mouthwash u no get for house ni wey u wan dey use anoda person saliva wash mouth ..
Jaycee: LOL. This girl, no, that is not my breast o. LOL. That is my side, under my armpic, I guess. I zoomed in, so you can see the picture. LOL. Which kin breast be this one (with the absence of a nipple)? But yes oh, my sister, the guy is definitely hilarious oh.
NaijaBloke: LOL. My darling, no be like that oooo, ehn. You know you’re still the only sugar in my tea. The only butter on my bread, and of course, the only dust on my table. My love, it is the guy that tried to lip-rape me oo! But you know me now, I did not correspond.
i swear, some men r just something else
Florida: LOL. Tell me about it. I don’t understand the thing @ all.
Vera Dear,
the man was probably D.R.U.N.K. that night.
please ignore him
uwai pawpaw ….men! the guy sharp no be small. may be he was thinking, dat atleast, it’s normal or could be one of those girls! but usef fukup ooo. u suppose allow am den bite him real add so that next time when he sees any lady,he would be afraid to try it again!