Dear Nigerians, Things You Should Really Stop Saying To D’Banj

D’banj lost his precious 13-month-old son on Monday. Due to the speed of social media (and really, the insensitivity of the times we live in), this is now considered “old news.” The people wait insatiably for new news. That being said, ever since the announcement of the child’s death, people have – of course – been sharing their opinions via social media.  In case you have not heard this story, the child accidentally drowned in their home pool.

First of all, the pain of losing a child is not one that I would wish on my greatest enemy. My mother lost children, and she still hasn’t gotten over it. I know it because she tells me every year how old my older brother (her first child) would have been. He would have been 36 this year. That’s not all my mother lost, but this post isn’t about her.  

Since my fellow Nigerians found out the cause of the child’s death, they have become experts in pool installations, judge and jury over matters of child negligence, God’s mind readers and mouthpieces, and lastly, professional hindsight seers. Please, you people should just stop.

Even if God Himself were to come to us in the flesh and tell us that on Day X, this person will die, we will still not be ready. So when death happens unexpectedly, especially when it’s a young person, the thing can pain. When my uncle died in 2003 of a sudden heart attack (he was 42), I felt so guilty. I felt like I should have been there with him that day, and if I was there, I would have called 911 immediately, and they would have treated him, and he would have survived. Now, I cannot imagine the pain and guilt that D’banj and his family are going through. And thanks to some of you for plunging the knife deeper and twisting it.

If you have left, or are leaving, or are thinking of leaving a comment on D’banj’s page or any other page, please think well and think again. Do not leave any of the comments below. And if you have already left it, please borrow yourself a brain and go delete that nonsense. Let it not be said of you that you are really all the way stupid.

8 Things You Should Stop Saying To D’banj

1.  “God gives and God takes”: This is for the people who are now God’s mind readers. Please, stop passing this nonsense generic message across. The issue isn’t whether God is giving or taking; the issue is that someone has been taken too soon. Who did or did not do the taking does not help D’banj sleep better at night. We would all prefer for God to give and not take back.

2.  “That is what happens when people put a pool inside the house!” If you’re one of the people who has left this kind of comment, then it’s too late for you to redeem yourself because you are already all the way stupid. 

3.  “Don’t worry, you will have another child.” I mean, really???  Sure, D’banj will have more children, but none of them can ever replace the one he just lost. Having more children does not erase the memory of his son. Stop telling him not to worry.

4.  “I understand what you’re going through.” No, you don’t. Unless you too have lost a child to accidental drowning, you don’t know the pain or the guilt. Don’t say you do. Just tell him that you sympathize with him and that he and his family are in your prayers (and please, remember to actually put them in your prayers).

5.  “Where were all the adults?” Jamb question. Nobody can claim to watch a child 24/7. We don’t know where the adults were, but it’s not your business where they were.  Allow the man to mourn without giving him more reasons to be depressed.

6.  “Lagos State law will charge D’banj/his family with child negligence.” My friend, wee you sharap dia! Which Lagos and which law? All the little boys and girls that have been burned and beaten and killed by their madam for burning rice, has Lagos law gone after them yet? And one stupid article even said that D’banj might be charged with sexual molestation and forced to register as a sex offender. First of all, does Lagos/Nigeria has a registry for sex offenders? And I’m talking about one that isn’t scrambled in one higher education notebook somewhere. Secondly, which wild animal wrote this article? Who told you that’s how this works?

7.  “Ah! If only you people had barricaded the pool.” Well done, Professional Highsight Seer. It’s easy to say that now, but when you initially saw the pool, you were praying for own too to come. Please, park well, sir/ma. Hindsight is 20/20 for everyone. D’banj and his family are probably agonizing over all the things they should have done and not done. They don’t need reminders and tips from you.

8.  “That pool is too deep!” I’m happy that so many of you on social media are Experts in Pool Installation and that you even have the bionic vision to be able to tell the depth of the pool — all from Instagram. Maybe you even know the temperature of the water sef. But what difference does it make for the child? He could have drowned in a toilet bowl.

Just to be clear, it’s okay for anyone to think of these things. The problem is that you’re leaving this nonsense as comments on his Instagram. Some of you are scrolling through the guy’s timeline and leaving comments on old pictures and videos of his son. Haba! Be sensitive to people’s pain. 

Dear Nigerians, please rebuke the spirit of butter brain. Instead, decree and declare that in this year of our Lord, 2018, your brain will not be butter! You will think before you post. You will read your comment and ask yourself, “Does this make me sound all the way stupid?” And then, you will answer yourself with a resounding, YES!  And then, finally, you will erase the comment and refuse to be an unfortunate fellow.

May God give D’banj and his family the fortitude to bear this loss. Amen.