There are 30 types of coworkers that you’ll most likely meet at every job. I came to America when I was 15. I got my first job ever when I was 16. Since then, I have worked in different industries, from food to human services to IT, and so many in between, so naturally, I have met so many kinds of coworkers.
First of all, I want to give myself a huge pat on the back for compiling this list all by myself. I did not Google a thing! Although now I’m tempted to because I’m sure there are certain kinds of coworkers that my list is missing. Secondly, some of these coworkers are me, and I am them.
30 Types of Coworkers You’ll Meet at Every Job (in no particular order)
1. The Meeting Prolonger: This one likes to argue with whoever is leading the meeting over whatever the meeting is about. A meeting that could have run for thirty minutes will run for sixty minutes because this one won’t stop starting sentences with, “Yeah, but ….”
2. The Boss’s Pet: This one is just like the teacher’s pet but grownup and a lot more annoying. This one brings coffee for the boss and remembers to ask the boss about his/her pet’s surgery that happened 47 and half days ago.
3. The Higher Level One: This one likes to delegate tasks to you as if you both are not on the same level. Sometimes, you even forget that he/she is actually not your boss. This one is sometimes a bully.
4. The Under-The-Bus-Thrower: This one will seek your help, but if your help turns out to not be perfect, this one will quickly say, “Insert-Your-Name said I should do it.”
5. The Social Butterfly: This one makes friends with everyone in every department, and random people always stop by to say hi to him/her.
6. The Clueless One: This one doesn’t read emails or respond to pings. He/she never knows when there’s a meeting or company event.
7. The Talkative: This one’s destiny is just to be talking up and down the place about random things that no one cares about.
8. The Too-Woke One: This one is a professional conspiracy theorist that will have you going to bed with a loaded semi automatic riffle because he/she will convince you that McDonald’s gave you three nuggets instead of four because you’re Black/African/an immigrant.
9. The Moody One: This one does not talk to anyone, and when he/she does talk, you wish he/she hadn’t. He/she walks around all day with earbuds in their ears and a scowl on their face.
10. The Fashionista/Fashion Mister: This one’s job is to come to work in the latest trends and have you questioning if you two are not doing the same job again. Balenciaga today. Louis Vuitton tomorrow. Meanwhile, you’re carrying a knockoff Coach.
11. The Angry Feminist: This one is like the Too-Woke one, but the wokeness is geared only towards men. When you ask this one what she and her man are doing for Valentine, she tells you that women need men like a fish needs a bicycle.
12. The Comedian: This one makes everyone laugh all the time. Even when the air is tense, this one will have something funny to say.
13. The Foodie: This one spends all his/her day eating or thinking about food. He/she brings lunch and still buys lunch.
14. The People Pleaser: This one will do anything to receive validation from everyone, and everyone knows this. This one is often the butt of the joke, but he/she laughs along in order not to offend everyone else.
15. The Food Perfumer: Not to be confused with the Foodie, this one is not a foodie, but this one always smells of food. Ethnic food. In other words, this one is most likely an immigrant.
16. The Inappropriate Talker: This one says the most inappropriate things at work. This is the one who will tell you on your first day that her boyfriend put a jar of Vaseline on their night stand because he wants to have anal sex. P.S. True story, this happened to me.
17. The Awkward Dresser: Not to be confused with the Fashionista/Fashion Mista, this one’s dressing confuses everyone. This is the one whose wig is halfway down their forehead and the buttons of their shirt are ready to pop off.
18. The Daylight Robber: This is the one that steals your pen, highlighter, stapler, tape, etc — and he/she never brings them back.
19. The Covert Racist: This is the one who tells a joke and when you ask him/her what the joke is, he/she tells you not to worry, that you won’t understand it. This is the same one that asks you if you have Christmas in your country.
20. The Need-To-Be-Promoted One: This one always talks about his/her desire to be promoted and what a great addition he/she will be and how he/she had strong leadership skills. He/she thinks he/she is being subtle, but he/she could not be more obvious.
21. The Family One: This is the one that won’t shut up about his/her spouse and/or children. He/she acts like he/she invented marriage and children.
22. The Drama Queen: This one blows everything out of proportion. This is the one that calls 911 because he/she does not feel like him/herself. This is also the same one that hyperventilates when his/her preferred coffee flavor is out.
23. The Serial Complainer AKA The Life-Sucker-Outer: This one cannot be pleased. He/she complains about everything. The coffee is too cheap. The fridge is too white. The manager is too managerial. The job is too jobby.
24. The Eavesdropper-Who-Never-Means-To-Eavesdrop: This one always starts his/her sentence with, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but …” or “Not that I was eavesdropping, but …” or “I couldn’t help but overhear you …”
25. The Anti Socialite: This one has no interest in socializing in anyway. He/she won’t come to lunch or happy hour.
26. The Come-To-My-Churcher: This one is usually of African descent. Anything you tell this one will be replied with, “That is why you should come to my church …” And he/she does not believe you are saved until you come to his/her church.
27. The Workaholic: This one is the first to come to work and the last to go. You don’t want to take over this one’s project or position because you will never meet his/her work commitment.
28. The Busy But Not Productive One: This one is always busy working but never produces anything. When he/she does produce something, it’s usually full of errors, which makes you wonder what they have been doing all this time.
29. The Gossip: This one always knows everything going on in the office. He/she knows who will be getting laid off and whose husband is cheating on her and who caught his wife in bed with another woman.
30. The ITK (I-Too-Know) One: This one always thinks he/she is the smartest one in the room, and he/she never fails to let you know. The problem is that he/she is rarely ever the smartest one in the room.
Before I ask you which one(s) you are, let me first tell you which ones I am.
1. I am The Social Butterfly (#5): My boss and coworkers literally say, “There goes Vera making another friend.”
2. I am The Comedian (#12): Just today, my coworker was telling me that she had run out of books for her six-year-old to read. I recommended Fifty Shades of Grey, y’all. So you can imagine the laughter and conversation that ensued after.
So, which one(s) are you???
I am probably 21, 25,26๐๐๐๐๐ my chest oh! and some of 24 but I never let anyone know I’m eavesdropping. I just keep it to myself.
Yea… you need to find more categories. I don’t fit into any.
I am The Anti Socialite (#25) I eat my lunch in my little office because i need my me and quiet time during my lunch time. The lunch room is too loud for my liking and people gossip too much. I actually work with someone who is 25/30 out of this list. Can you imagine working with someone like that? My lunch time is my little getaway time.
I currently work with a #23 – The Serial Complainer AKA The Life-Sucker-Outer. There’s also the Perfumer……he uses a loooot of perfume which gives me a headache and makes me sneeze.
Oh, God. I know those heavy perfumes. They cause you to sneeze too. Mba. They should stop that rough play, please. And the serial complainer …. ugh. I’m tired already.