So, the other day, I was scrolling through Facebook when I came across a post in a Facebook group that caught my attention. It was a lighthearted, funny post by a woman asking us (fellow women) the crazy things we had uttered out of our mouths during great sex. So, of course, I proceeded to read, and I was consequently entertained, humored, and eventually, distraught. I’ll explain.
The other day on the podcast, I mentioned simple things that I have never done but would like to do. Well, a few of them were not so simple. For example, I mentioned that I’d like to join the mile-high club, and I still have not figured out how to do that one. I haven’t even been on a plane in 2020, so the opportunity has not even remotely presented itself recently. Although, I can’t say that the opportunity presented itself before. I mean, how and when?
Anyway, here is a list of things that women said (and did) during great sex, things that you should say during great sex — if you have ever had one. There were way more than 12 responses, but these were my favorite ones.
1. Why did you do this to me?
2. I want to have your babies
3. I spoke in tongues
4. Put a baby in me
5. Spit in my mouth
6. [I blurted out] my social security number
7. What planet are you from? I swear I won’t tell nobody
8. Plug every hole since God sent you
9. Why am I just meeting you?
10. Why you be doing me like this?
11. Why you fucking me like that? You must wanna get married.
12. Kill me, please
I understand everyone, except number 5. No, I will not be asking anyone to spit in my mouth. That is disgusting. Right? Right? But this is a digression from the point.
After reading these things, I thought long and hard about a time I have had sex so good that I stated any of these lines or anything close to it. Sweet Potatoes, I came up with nothing. After over three decades of living, I came up with nothing. But then, it led me to ask myself some questions, like (1) Have I really, really not had great sex? (2) Am I just too quiet during sex (DEFINITELY NOT)? (3) Well, am I too conservative during sex? I don’t think so either.
So, now, I don’t know if I should embark on a mission to find someone who will make me holler (more than I ever have), or if I should give up. But I’m still too young to give up, right? Besides, women reach their sexual peak in their forties – some even in their fifties, and I’m still in my thirties. I’ve got time, right?
In conclusion – in case I have not made it clear – I have definitely had great sex. But perhaps, I have not had one great enough to make me lose my competence and eloquence in speech — which is now the experience I must find.
If anyone has any man they’re not using again (who makes a woman holler like this), let me know!
