I cannot possibly be the only one who buys clothes for my unborn children, right? Don’t worry, I don’t have a trunk full of them, just a few. I started buying clothes for my unborn children long time ago. They’re not anything too serious, but just items with funny one-liners written on them, like the yellow pair of socks and matching hat that says, ‘Daddy’s Little Alarm Clock.’ I totally agree! I also have a bunch of onesies, and I LOVE onesies. In fact, I intend to get myself an adult onesie. Why not?
So the other day, I was at Walmart. I’m always at Walmart, I know. I was walking past the baby clothes section when I spied a black onesie with the words, “PICK ME UP, SWEETHEART… I ♥ older chicks.” I laughed and kept walking. Then my inner self spoke to me and said, “Self aka Vera aka Verastic aka Omo Igbo toh bad aka Omo Igbo to da aka Lolo aka Mama Ibeji aka Mama Ejima aka Mama Twins, did you just walk past that funny onesie and not pick it up for your future son???”
My son’s onesie
Forgive the wrinkles. It’s been in the bag since I bought it, and I’m not about that ironing life
So I ran back and picked it up. There was only one meant, so you know what this means, right? It was my destiny. You want to know what who I thought about when I read the onsie? Vivica A. Fox! Yes, the woman wants to perpetually rob the cradle, and as a mom, I owe it to my son to protect him. I mean, someone has to tell these women to stay away from young blood. And I have already decreed and declared that no old hag will be dating my son. Yes, I read all your comments saying that young men actually do like older women … blah blah blah. As long as they are not going after my sons, I couldn’t care less what they’re doing.
It’s easy to say that it doesn’t matter, and that age is just a number — but that is until your son comes home with his aunty in the Lord. Nehi! (no, in Indian, as I learned from all those Indian movies). I will not allow it. I forbid it. It’s kind of like the same way you’re okay with homosexuality — until your son comes home with a man. That is when you know that the shimmy don pass the dress, and all of a sudden, it’s not so okay anymore. Yes, I know that my last sentence isn’t politically correct, but you know what, I’m tired of walking around on eggshells. I couldn’t care less if people are gay, but I will not lie and say that I agree with that lifestyle. I also know that my agreement or lack of it is totally irrelevant to said gay people, and I am totally okay with that.
I have really gone off topic here. The point of this conversation is that old hags should stay away from my son(s)! In other news, the onesie I bought is actually sending the opposite of the message I intended to send. It encourages old hags to go after my son. Clearly, I didn’t think this one through. Maybe we should burn this onesie. Or edit it. It’ll read: “DON’T PICK ME UP, SWEETHEART… I don’t ♥ older chicks.”
Oh, I know what you must be thinking of me: Calm down, Vera. You don’t even have children yet! Well, yes, that may be the case, but aren’t we supposed to act like things that aren’t, already are? Ehen. So, if anything, I am just trying to showcase the power and might and glory of my personal Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Praise be to God no ni.
Before I end, I just remembered years ago when my mom discovered that I had baby clothes. She freaked out a little bit. I could hear the terror in her voice, when she asked, “Are you pregnant???” Preg-gini? Haaa! I wasn’t even having sex.
So, do you buy anything for your future children?
Vera ehn, you will not kill me! I don’t think its a bad idea sha, as long as you won’t wait too long before those twins come. I want to see pictures of a harried looking Vera chasing lil Vera & Igwe around. In fact, my God in his infinite grace, will give you triplets in Jesus name.
I can imagine the look on your mother’s face. Lmfao
Oma, Haha! Triplets, ke??? Biko, no oooo! Lemme get the twins first. Most moms are already telling me that I’m crazy for wanting twins, so triplets is probably crazier. My grandma had triplets though, but err, no, I’ll stick to twins for now. And why does Vera have to be harried-looking? That is not a very good expectation nah. Loool. Yeah, the look on my mom’s face was a kodak moment for real.
Your rant about gay people is typically Nigerian, and typically ignorant.
There’s a world of difference, of course, between being fine with the fact that gay people exist (as if your opinion matters to their existence) and being disapproving of “their lifestyle”. So, here we go again!
Gay people exist. Not “approving their lifestyle” is the same as saying “I don’t approve of the lifestyle of people marrying white people.” They are who they are. Comments like this only encourage bigotry, suggesting that it is a “lifestyle” consciously adopted. (Sure, some people may exist with this “lifestyle” but that doesn’t represent all gay people generally.)
You’re not walking on eggshells if you simply say “I’m weird about homosexuality, although I have nothing against them.” I’m weird too, but this is a normal (if ignorant) human reaction based on a false fear that they may hit on me, not because I judge myself as being superior. Saying you disapprove of someone’s lifestyle implies judgement, which we don’t need. You son might as well be gay. It won’t have anything to do with whether you approve or not. Mine too.
Hugs 🙂
Somebody, I actually think it’s quite ignorant to assume that I disapprove of a homosexual lifestyle because I am Nigerian. I have lived most of my life in America. When I first came to America, yes, I condemned homosexuality because I knew nothing of it, had never, ever seen a person being openly gay. Now that I have grown and matured in this great nation, my views have changed. It’s very, very easy for me to come out and say, “Yay for gay people, be you, blah blah blah …” but the way to test if I am really okay with it is to wonder how I will react when one of my own (like my child) comes home and says he’s gay. Would I still say yay? Nope.
Whether I say I disapprove, or whether I say I’m weird about it, or whether I say I’m okay with it … is all semantics to me. And therein lies the problem, as we are just trying to be politically correct, to not go too much to the left or too much to the right. I think that if you disapprove/don’t agree with/are weird about anything in my life, you are more than free to express that feeling. It won’t change me or my lifestyle, but you have a right to feel the way you want to.
If we are going to be real, then you know that going out publicly now and saying that you do not like a gay lifestyle will send daggers your way because all of a sudden, you are homophobe, or a bigot or close-minded or worse NIGERIAN.
Tighter hugs 😀
But it’s NOT a gay “lifestyle”. All the gay people I know swear that it’s who they are. It can’t be a lifestyle if you didn’t choose it, can it? That is my point, and you should know better.
Feel free to see this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TJxnYgP6D8
Somebody, I like this love that you and I share, and I don’t wanna ruin it with this back and forth about homosexuality. Since I am not gay (and I assume you aren’t either), then this isn’t directly related to either of us.
Whether it’s a chosen lifestyle or whether they are mere victims of biology, it is still not something I agree with (and I am fully aware that my feelings or lack of agreement mean nothing to them, as it should). I have absolutely NO problem with people being gay, and if it came down to me voting for them to be married or not, I would vote yes because I don’t think that it’s my place to decide what two consenting adults decide to do with their relationship.
But I will not lie to you: if one of mine came home one day and said, “Mom, I’m gay,” I will NOT be okay with it. Period. I will not change my mind on this. And as God is my witness, I pray to never, ever, EVER have to have this conversation with my child.
I will watch the video. Thank you.
Bought nothing for my future kids but I talk about them all the time I know their names, everyone does too, now we just need to birth them! LOL
Sisi Yemmie, people know your children’s names??? I thought that is a taboo in Yoruba land? Lool. Like you have to wait till the 8th day to know the baby’s name. Well, I don’t know completely what I’ll name my kids, but Igwe already has names for them. I’m not even answering him sef. It’s when the babies come that we will know what to name them. But of course, I have their clothes already. Tehehe.
You know one way of knowing I am Nigerian? I see clothes by ‘Faded Glory’ and refuse to buy them because of the ‘spiritual connotation abi it is denotation’. lol.
Back to the matter, I did not buy clothes for my unborn, until I was ready to pop.
Loooooooooooool. AutoPrincess, this is toooooo funny! You know I have never, ever thought about the “spiritual connotation and denotation’ (implication sef dey dia) of Faded Glory. Ha! That is certainly one way of knowing you’re Nigerian. Kai, this is too funny. So I guess you won’t wear clothes with skulls on them? I don’t do skulls either sha; there’s just nothing attractive about them to me.
Well, let me also be Nigerian and pray: I decree and declare that the glory of my children will never, ever fade in Jesus name! I bind and I cast all faded glory into the abyss.”
Hahaha (I’m really laughing so hard here)
OMG me too!!!!!!
The first time I saw the faded glory tag, I was like huh and I refused to buy oh. Now I have one pair of faded glory jeans that I like and I always avert my eyes from the tag whenever I wear it. Tonight sef I’m going to cut the tag out.
But honestly, I have refrained from buying some items because of the brand name. I don’t think I would buy “arrested development”
Damn it! I typed a whole comment that disappeared. Okay, what I said is, I cannot think of any brand right now that I wouldn’t buy because of their name, but I know that I get tickled every time I read (or think of) Banana Republic. Loool!
Lmaooooooo……omg….I have never thought about it like that…lmaoooooo….oh boy!!! Faded glory!!!!
I havent started buying stuff for my kids yet…maybe I should start now.
LOL, You.Are.Weird. Shopping for unborn kids, ahn ahn. This is a first mehnn.
Ife, this is a first for you really? Ah, stay tuned. You’ll see how weird I really am.
Vera, U cannot understand why younger men dig older women (no offence, u r just d other sex) so let me break it down:
1: young men (20 sometins to early 30s) are CRAZY about sex. A young girl your mate wants d whole biology courtship/ mating ritual; phone no/lunch/dinner/sightseeing/ polite pre-sexting gradually getting bolder etc. Its worse than cathecism. A mature woman just wants to FUCK ur eyes out. And o, did I mention @ dat age u could come 4-5 times and eat a snack and continue?
2: HAVE U SEEN VIVICA FOX’s BOOBS?! I take any woman like that even if she’s 80
3: She could pay ur bills. Maybe not exactly, but a new pair of jeans and shoes beats paying for a whining girl’s dinners/ phone bills/ wardrobe with ur pocket money or newbie salary.