I was at Walmart the other day staring too long at the travel mugs, trying to decide which one to get for Igwe. There was a Walmart employee next to me, arranging water bottles and mason jars . I had not paid too much attention to her until she started singing a familiar gospel tune. That was when I looked at her. It was one of those old praise and worship songs that we grew up listening to in Nigeria. She looked to be in her late thirties, but she was probably older. She had a youthful glow about her. Her hair was natural and bound with a scarf. Her face was easy and I liked it, so I started a conversation with her.
Me: Are you Nigerian?
She: Yes! How did you know?
Me: I’m Nigerian, too.
She: *Looking at me head to toe* Really? You look like American
Me: What part of Nigeria are you from?
She: Actually, I was born in Lagos, and I spent most of my life there
Me: *Still looking at her, wondering if she was done*
She: So I’m from Ile-Ife
Me: Oh, nice. What State is that in?
She: Osun State.
I went ahead to tell her that I was from Anambra, and that Igwe was from Ogun State. She perked up even more when I said that. “Really? So you people mixed? Eiya. That’s good oh.”
When I was much, much younger, if you had told me that I looked like an American, I would have taken it as a compliment. Now that I’m older and wiser (hopefully), I’m not sure how to respond to being told that I look American because it’s something that I have heard too many times. When those foolish Nigerian men say it to me, they think they’re complimenting me. They think it’ll make me blush – the thought of looking American – but it rubs me the wrong way. Although most times I’m even too tired to be pissed, so I just laugh it off.
But when a person like this lady says it, I have no idea where she’s coming from. Is she saying that I look so beautiful that I now don’t look Nigerian anymore (which would still be insulting to Nigeria as a whole)? Or is she saying that I have blended so much that I now look American (and have lost my way in foreign land)? Whichever one it is, it’s a double-edged sword and half-smiling is always my only response.
As for her being surprised at me (an Igbo girl) being with a Yoruba man, I’m wondering, is it really that uncommon?
You look American”, You too pretty to be African” all fall into the same category. A bunch of nonsensical phrases.Wether or not it meant to be a compliment or an insult, doesn’t concern me. I’m just wondering out of all the thousands of things they could have said they choose to say something stupid.Next time I’m just going to answer “wow, you made my day I have been trying so hard to look American, and you’ve notice”…..
You’re relationship is just as unusual as mine, a Yoruba girl with an Igbo guy. I’ve heard some say “do you all get along well? How about your family? How do you manage”. Really!
Good web site you have got here.. It’s hard to find
high quality writing like yours these days.
I seriously appreciate people like you! Take care!!
I just found that Vera’s boo is Yoruba, I didn’t know that, and no, that’s not going to change a thing. I just love you more Vera. People will continue to ask silly questions Vera and Layo. Only some questions cannot be unavoidable especially when its only a breathe that separates us, I mean like from where the person and I may be standing. Otherwise, I would just stare straight into your eyes, and something will just tell you to move away else amadioha will strike you. What impetus!
Manny has said it all, really. You look American falls in the same category as ” You are Yoruba?! You dont look it!”. It may or may not be malicious.
Same thing with the intertribal issue. I have had total Nigerian strangers ask me “Do you think you can handle him?” when they get to know I am in a relationship with a non- yoruba. It is what it is.
*Shrug*