Let Me Tell You How Funmie Betrayed My Trust

It can take up to a lifetime to build trust and only a second to destroy it. That was what happened between me and Funmie. Let me tell you the story.

We were about 18 and 19 (I’m older). School was over for the day and Funmie came to my house. At that time, Funmie was the only one in our group who had a cell phone. It was a Panasonic phone from Sprint and I strangely still remember the ringtone. 

On that day, she came home with me to hang out. However, at some point, her dad started calling her. I don’t remember why she didn’t want to pick up the phone, but the man called and called. Maybe her mom called too, I don’t remember.

Before she went home, we came up with a plan. More like a story. I don’t recall the details of the story, but the summary was that come what may, we were not going to admit that Funmie was in my house. We got our story straight and we were now ready to face the world. Or just Funmie’s dad.

Later that evening (after Funmie had gone home), her dad called me and grilled me. He asked me if Funmie had come to my house after school and I said nope! He asked me over and over and I stuck to my story. Funmie, in my house? No, sir. Did not happen. I did not see her. She was not here. In fact, I don’t even know if I know this Funmie that you speak of. You say she’s your daughter? Nope. Didn’t see her. When the man got tired of asking, he let me go. I did not care what kind of evidence he presented me with, I just wasn’t going to budge.

The next morning, I saw Funmie in school and excitedly told her that her dad had called and grilled me about her whereabouts but that I had stood my ground. No shaking! Nothing dey happen. No retreat, no surrender.  I proudly told her how I had her back and she didn’t have to worry.

That was when Funmie finished me.

“Oh, you should have just told him the truth. I already told him I was at your house.”

Aaahhhh! Funmie haff kee me!

 

Look, I don’t like being caught in a lie. It’s so humiliating.  I dislike it so much that when someone asks me a question, I am paranoid that they already know the answer, so even if I was thinking about lying, I tell the truth – just so that the person does not have something on me. 

I felt like beating Funmie up and rewinding time back to unsay what I said to her dad. For the longest time, I was so uncomfortable being around him because I wondered what he thought of me. Was he proud of me for being such a loyal friend that I covered for his daughter even under such pressure? Or was he looking at me and mentally yimu-ing his nose for me like, these Igbo people cannot be trusted! Even their young ones are pathological liars.

Sure, I was overthinking it. But guilty conscience is real. It’s been over a decade since this happened, but I have clearly not forgotten. I remind her every chance I get. When we make up a story (yes, we still do), I remind her several times to let me know if she decides to go rogue so that what happened before does not repeat itself because I cannot handle that type of embarrassment twice in one lifetime.

All that being said, she’s one cool kid. Been friends since I was 17 (and she was 16), and I wouldn’t give her up for anything. Funmie, I love you, but I don’t trust you.

By the way, when I was typing this post, Ada Verastic was next to me and she saw the picture above of me and Funmie. She commented and said, “Aunty Fufu is not very happy.” I asked her why she thought that and she said, “Aunty Fufu’s face is like this …” She proceeded to demonstrate by showing me a non-smiling face. Then she added that her mommy is very happy, and she also showed me a smiling face that apparently looked like my happy face. Haa! These kids are amazing.

I immediately called Funmie on video, so she could see for herself. Funmie told Ada Verastic that she was merely “smizing” and trying to be sexy. Ada Verastic maintains, however, that Aunty Fufu is not very happy.

P.S. I will be live on Instagram today at 8:00 PM EST (1:00 AM Naija Time). Set your calendar; let’s talk. Join me here.