I’m In Love With A White Man

I absolutely love reading books. I used to be a voracious reader, but I don’t have as much time anymore (hello adulthood and motherhood). I still remember when I first came to America and found out that I could borrow an unlimited number of books from the library for free. What! That summer, I read like a mad woman. Of course, mom was happy because her teenage daughter preferred to stay home and read AND it did not cost her any money. She only had to drive me to the library and help me haul my books back home.

This year, anyway, I made a conscious effort to read more. And by more, I mean more than last year when I barely read any books. In fact, I can only remember three books that I read last year. Sad. I finally read my first book of 2019: The Wedding Date by Jasmine Guillory. It was my first time hearing of or reading from this author, and I don’t even remember how I heard about her. I purposely picked this as my first book of the year because it’s a romance book, and chile, I need some romance.

While reading the book, I fell hopelessly in love with the male protagonist, Drew – a white doctor in his thirties. He’s hot and good at playing with nipples, so what’s not to love? But the problem was when I went to bed and could not stop fantasizing about Drew. That was when the two parts of my brain had the following conversation:

My brain: Oh, God, she’s still tossing and turning because of that Drew guy.

Also my brain: But he’s not real.

My brain: Obviously.

Also my brain: And he’s white.

My brain: That, too.

Also my brain: Uh oh. She’s sinking into a dream, and she wants it to be about Drew.

My Brain: Oh, no! But we don’t have a Drew. Let me search the archives for a memory of a white man who looks like Drew.

Also my brain: There’s none. She’s never been into white men.

My brain: This is a level 10 disaster. We must let her dream of Drew.

Also my brain: I’m searching frantically for any white man she might have liked. There’s none. None! Oh, wait.

My brain: What have you found?

Also my brain: She did put up this Instagram post the other day where she said she wanted to see Adam Levine naked.

My brain: Is he white?

Also my brain: He is.

My brain: Good enough! Install Adam Levine into her dream.

Also my brain: But he’s not Nigerian. She likes Nigerian men.

My brain: Let’s Nigerianize him.

Also my brain: How?

My brain: Uhm, let’s make him a fan of Nollywood movies!

Also my brain: Huh? But she rarely watches Nollywood movies. This sounds like a bad idea.

My brain: Well, do you have a better bad idea?

Also my brain: How about if we make him love nkwobi? She loves nkwobi.

My brain: A white man who loves nkwobi? Makes no sense.

Also my brain: Throw in a beard.

My brain: Ahhh! Perfect. She loves bearded men.

Also my brain: So, we’re installing a white man, specifically Adam Levine, who has a beard, likes Nollywood movies, and eats nkwobi?

My brain: Exactly. Begin install.

So, Sweet Potatoes, that was how I really did dream that I was in love with Adam Levine, and he had a beard, and he watched Nollywood movies, and he ate nkwobi. It was weird because although I knew he was Adam Levine, I also knew he was Drew. I do not remember the details of the dream, but I do know I was smitten. And he was, too. He couldn’t keep his hands off me, just like Drew.

Jasmine Guillory, you did this to me. And I think I love you for it.

If you’re interested in reading the book – The Wedding Date – by Jasmine Guillory, get it here from Amazon.

Meanwhile, Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope your day is as lovely as could be. Mine is.