She Asked Me If Nigeria Was On Another Planet

At the closeout party at the BlogHer Conference, Rev Run was on the 1s and 2s, and it was just wonderful. Did I ever think the day would come when “Tricky” would be booming through the speakers and Rev Run would be rapping along, right in front of me? No, but it happened anyway, and I enjoyed every bit of it.

After he left, we still had about 45 minutes to network and chat among each other. I was sitting and chatting with a blogger with whom I had made an acquaintance the day before. And there other bloggers there, including this lady, she was tall, white, reddish-brown hair, and in her forties, if I had to guess. She told me her name, which I don’t remember now. We had a light conversation about blogging, the conference, how far we had traveled, and if it was our first time. All normal conversation at this conference.

Then she asked me where my accent was from, and as usual, I said, proudly, “Nigeria.” Wide-eyed, she asked me, “Oh, my God, what’s it like living there?” Her reaction was a little too dramatic for what I had said, so I thought maybe she didn’t hear me. Like did she think I said I lived with Santa Clause in the North Pole? So I asked, “Living where?” And she said, “There. In Nigeria.”

Me: *Stunned, confused, probably both eyebrows raised* “Uhm … it’s like living in a country.”

She: Is it like on another planet?

Me: Huh?

She: I mean, is it like on another planet?

Me: Are there countries on other planets?

She: You know what I worry about with all those places like Africa? I worry that all those people who colonized countries would colonize Africa and replace it with McDonald’s and Starbucks.

Me: You think the continent of Africa will be replaced by McDonald’s and Starbucks?

She did not respond to this question and only had a blank look on her face like she was afraid of what I might say if she said yes. I have been in America for 14 years, and I have been asked all kinds of ignorant questions about Nigeria and Africa, but never had anyone asked me if I came from a different planet, nor had anyone expressed concern about my planet being replaced by McDonald’s and Starbucks. To what did I owe this care?

Contrary to what people say that there are no stupid questions, there are indeed very stupid questions asked by very stupid people. Usually, I’d have a smart answer for anyone asking me such stupid questions, but this time, I was taken by surprise. She could have knocked me over with a feather with that question. I felt attacked. I think I’d have been less surprised to find Optimus Prime in my living room.

Speaking of Optimus Prime, had I been better prepared for her question, I would have said, “Yes, Nigeria is on another planet. It’s actually on the planet of Cybertron, and I am here with my husband, Optimus Prime and our son, Bumble Bee. We are all in the Autobot Witness Protection until the CIA and FBI are able to capture and imprison Megatron, the most wanted terrorist on our planet.” And I would have smiled and looked away as if I had just said the most normal thing. As if I had just said, I actually prefer coffee to tea.

By the way, when she did not answer my last question and proceeded instead to just stare at me, I just turned away and refused to talk to her again for the rest of the night. I was irritated. Disgusted. Pissed off. And yet, amused. It was fuckery on the highest level. It might have been a tad bit amusing, but I won’t lie, it was a really fucked up question.

P.S. I actually have her picture on my phone. Prior to this interesting conversation, another blogger wanted to take a picture with her but her phone was dead, so I took the picture on my phone.