Dear Vera & Co,
I really like the idea of your Midnight Bluez series and I wonder why you didn’t start sooner. I’ve been coming back for a second installment since then. I didn’t want to be the next installment because of the similar topics of oral sex, but mine is a different story.
I’m 32 years old and have been married for almost three years. Before I got married, I had dated a few men but was intimate with only one, the one that took my virginity when I was 23. I never gave oral sex to any man, though I received it many times. I just refused to do it. At first, it was because I was irritated. As time went on, it just became more habitual to not give it, than it was conscious choice.
Then I met my husband. Our sex life is great for me. But he’s miserable. He hasn’t said it, but I know. My husband was very “experienced” before we got married. He loves his oral sex, and I won’t lie, he knows how to give it intensely. The problem now is that I cannot go down on my husband without choking and coughing. And by the time I’m done coughing and drinking water, my husband has already lost his erection, and I can see the frustration on his face.
I have done everything I can think of like suck bananas, lick lollipops, force a toothbrush down my throat, and watch porn. Nothing has worked. I have even prayed about it. And I am now about to talk to a sex therapist. I just don’t understand how to suck this big tasteless piece of meat or how my mouth can possibly cover all the length. I know people will find this amusing, but this is a serious dilemma for me, and I need any kind of help that will ease the sexual tension between me and my husband.
Please help! I don’t want these small small asewo girls to give my husband what I cannot give him.
_______________________________________________________
My take: This one is really difficult for me . And I am not saying that to sound like a prude, but because I am really not an expert in the oral sex delivery department. Every thing you already do sounds like you’re taking the right path – except for the toothbrush part; that sounds dangerous. However, I think you may be missing the most important thing: talking to him. Unless I’m being presumptive, you sound like you have not spoken to him (and he has not spoken to you either) about this issue. So I’ll say, talk to him. Ask him exactly what he wants [sexually] and how he wants it. No one and nothing can teach you what he wants better than him, I think.
And since he’s so experienced, he probably knows already exactly what he wants. That said, his experience should not be intimidating to you; after all, he knew about your lack of experience before he married you … right? And even if he did not, well, here you are. You have to remember that he did not become as experienced as he is today without several trials and errors. You both need to communicate to each other to make your sex life explosive.
Verastic readers, please help a sister in need with your advice and suggestions.
********** To send your Midnight Bluez to me, please send it directly to info at verastic dot com or use this contact form. Read the submission guidelines, if you need to. ***************
Pendo and Anonymous have said it all really.
One thing that is key, is a change of attitude. Sex, like beauty, performance in the workplace, etc is all about attitude, swagger and charisma. If you love what you’re doing, odds are that you will excel in it.
Think about it this way, that you are giving your man pleasure, and that this would make you really happy, to see him smile and shudder, make him turn from the man he is to your baby upon your touch.
Oral sex is not so much about skills, deepthroating and the like (although they do help – a lot, hehehe) but rather enjoyment of the act. That for me, is your major problem. Once you solve this, sticking his banana in your mouth wont be a problem – in fact you’d be the one experimenting and trying out diff moves just to see his reaction and utter delight.
In a nutshell, think of it as a really, really good thing, then occasionally reread the hints from anonymous and pendo. U’ll be amazed!
Good luck dear!
Quaggas, I’m glad you brought that up. I’ve heard a lot about attitude toward sex and how it determines the outcome, and I guess that does make a lot of sense. I remember in my Social Psychology class when we learned that attitude predicts action. Hmmmm.
Wow, that was a great comment, Anonymous. And Pendo and Quaggar too. Good stuff, Vera.
I agree. Thank you, Myne.
i’m learning too… home girl isn’t well versed… *listening attentively*
Bad girl!
K, So, I get this feeling that this guy in question is the listening type. Am with Vera on this one, call him up and tell him “yeah, so I know am not really up to par for you in bed but am trying my best to make it work so please bear with me”… Then since you said he is “experienced” you really should be very careful cause men like that most times tend to go outside to get what they want! To avoid this, you just have to make him happy anyhow possible like cook nice meals(better yet his favourites) and try to be romantic and accommodative. Do not be hard on him(this is very important!) and stay low on arguments. In a nutshell, be caring. The sex therapist part, dont think you need it(and I must say, I found it amusing).. Finally, what anonymous said…thats some deep stuff!! Really!!
Thank you, Bingz. I hope all these comments will helper along the way.
Pls Vera..inbox me anonymous’s website if you know it…good stuff he/she outlined there oooo…very curious now…hahaha
Hahaha @ Anonymous’s website. Honestly, I don’t know. As you can see, she said she’s commenting anonymously because she doesn’t want people to know it’s her.
You could also try spicing up his banana with some ‘flavoring.’ Turn the whole experience into a game you both enjoy. Take his banana, lather it with some nice ice cream you like. Like others have said already, you don’t need to dip the whole thing down your throat, only trained people can do that. Start with small nibbles, small kisses, tiny bitty playful bites. See that underside of the banana’s head? Concentrate on that, lick it, titillate it with your tongue. if you run out of ice-cream, put some more on it, if you don’t like ice cream, coat it with some thing you like. While you have his head in your mouth, gently stroke his balls, gently, gently, get him to 69 you as well, in that way, while you are pleasuring him, he would be pleasuring you at the same time, and before you know it, you will both be in the rhythm, in symphony and I can assure you, your collaborative climax would truly be ‘earth-shattering.’
Earth-shattering! Ngwa nu, we musto make this happen. I am definitely learning a lot from this, too.
Chai, Biko Anonymous..email me your website ooo. my addy is ibjay@ymail.com…No judging e nu go…lol
Wait…where am I? Is this not Christian Couples 101? No? What am I….how did I get here?!!!!
LOL.
I would have left a comment since this woman is married and o di allowed but ndi ka m ekwusigo okwu. *Bows tosuperior knowledge and departs*
Wait…where am I? Is this not Christian Couples 101? No? What am I….how did I get here?!!!!
LOL.
I would have left a comment since this woman is married and o di allowed but ndi ka m ekwusigo okwu. *Bows to superior knowledge and departs*
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….Please Be Very Careful With What You Are Putting Into You’re Mouth!