I started writing this post on Friday. I actually wrote the entire thing, but when I got to the end, it just did not feel authentic. It felt like I was writing to fit a particular theme box that I had previously created and thought of as being perfect. But forget that. Right now, I’m freestyling in my writing, unsure of where this will end.
It’s my birthday today, and wow, I’m so proud of myself! I went back and read the love letter I wrote to myself last year, and as I read the words, all I wanted to do was give last year’s Vera a hug and a kiss because she deserved it. Last year’s Vera was hurting on her birthday. I was so thankful for the gift of life, but I was hurting, y’ll!
This year, however, I am in a completely different place. I am not yet where I want to be, but God, I am not where I used to be. It’s amazing what a difference a year makes. God has been working on me gradually, and it was so gradual that I did not even always notice it as it was happening. But then, every now and then, I glance at myself and I love what I see.
Recently, I was on a conference call with my girls, Funmie and Uju, and I don’t remember what I said about myself, but Funmie’s response was, “Na
Contrary to what Funmie thinks, I am not now cocky and arrogant – except when absolutely needed – but my self-confidence has definitely shot up. I have morphed into the kind of woman I admire and dream of becoming. I do not have the words to quantify what I have become, but I just know that I love it, and I am grateful for it.
I mentioned in my New Year post that 2018 was a year of renewal and rejuvenation and rebirth and rediscovery, and I was not lying at all. I rediscovered myself, and I discovered a part of me that I did not even know existed. Turns out that I am pretty fucking amazing. And phenomenal. And remarkable.
One of the struggles I had in my previous age (aka in 2018) was trying to keep it all together when everything was falling apart. But the moment I learned to let go, it was so much easier. I was okay with not writing as much, and I was okay with missing events, and I was okay with not responding to some emails and texts. I told myself that I cannot come and die
I grew up a lot in my last age, but I am not done growing. I am so excited about where God is taking me in this new age, and I am thankful to you for still being here and growing with me.
So, yes, happy birthday to a remarkable woman — and her internet-based besties.
P.P.S. I’m really feeling myself though. Can you tell?