Today Is My Birthday, And I’m Keeping Calm

I had plans for this birthday. I was going to do a photoshoot, like the sexy one I did in 2020, but maybe less sexy and more creative. Somewhere between COVID and more COVID, it just did not happen. Honestly, I was lazy, and what I wanted to accomplish would have taken me more time than I had. So, here I am with no new [professional] pictures.

Normally, I’m turned up about my birthday, but this year, I’m so calm. Too calm even. There’s a kind of confidence and optimism that has settled on me, and even I cannot fully understand it, but I like it. I completed this post a couple of days ago, but I did not really like it, so I saved it and planned on looking at it later. Now it’s 3:43 AM and I am literally rewriting the whole thing. I like that I’m giving you a “live” post.

Ada Verastic is fast asleep. She has been so excited about my birthday, and it’s funny and cute to watch. She’s six years old now, so she’s more aware of these things. She has told everyone that her mommy’s birthday is on January 14th. Last Sunday, I picked her up from KidLife (children’s church) and her teacher was telling me happy birthday in advance. The other funny thing is that she thinks I’m turning 13. Yes, I told her I was 12 last year. Listen, these children have no chill. They will tell your entire business to the world. By the way, when I told her I was 12, her response was, “Wow! That’s a lottt!” In her excitement, she has said happy birthday to me every day this month – at least once a day. And she has gifted me everything she could lay her hands on, including a straw and all the money in her piggy bank.

Before she finally slept, she prayed for me. She put her hands on my head and prayed that God would bless me and make my 13th birthday special. It’s that last part that worries me. What if God ignores the prayer because He doesn’t know any thirteen-year-old Vera Ezimora? It’s like that joke of how someone prayed for protection but still went out and had an accident and died because God did not recognize her after so much plastic surgery. God, abeg oh. Send me the blessing – thirteen or not.

So, what do I actually plan on doing today? A bunch of simple tasks that excite me more than I can explain. First of all, I took the day off work. After I drop Ada Verastic off in school, I’ll be going to church to pray. My church is open all day on Fridays this month, and since my birthday happens to fall on a Friday, I figured it’d be a great start to my day. I’ll go there and spend some time praying and committing my new age to God. Then I plan on doing other small things like breakfast, getting a pedicure, waxing my brows, buying goat meat (to cook egusi soup tomorrow because I’ve been craving it), stopping by Aunty Chinelo’s house to give Toby his gift and a warm hug (it’s his birthday too), and whatever else that falls on my laps. All I know is that it’s going to be a wonderful day.

I thought I would come here today and have some deep motivational quotes for you, something encouraging you to keep going and never give up, and how there’s greatness within you and yen yen yen. But Sweet Potatoes, I’ve got nothing. If I had to describe how I feel today, I’d say calm, grateful, confdent, optimistic, and really happy.

By the way, in lieu of professional pictures, may I present to you the next best thing — a bathroom selfie! You know what the silly thing is? I did this makeup just to take twenty-three hundred thousand selfies and then post only one of it (and the one with my eyes closed). While I was doing the makeup (sometime past midnight), I had a conversation with myself.

Me: Vera, is this how you really want to start your new age? By doing full blown makeup past midnight? Who’s going to wash this nonsense off and clean this place up?

Also Me: Yes, this is how I want to start my new age. Did I ask you for help in cleaning?

Me: And you’re probably going to only post one or two of the pictures.

Also Me: Yes, that’s the plan.

Me: Instead of you to go and edit your post, you’re here doing makeup. Why can’t you use one of the thousands of pictures already no your phone? I just think this is not a good use of your time. 

Also Me: Leave it for me like that. Is it your time?

Me: Actually, yes, it is. I am you.

Judging by the one selfie here, it’s obvious that Also Me won the argument.  But I won’t lie, washing the makeup off, cleaning the brushes, and wiping the counter was not fun.  Oh! One other thing I planned on doing was shaving my pubes off (underarm and vaj). But the plan was to shave them off before midnight, so I’d be going into my new age pubeless (with the intention of growing new pubes, of course). However, I did not take a shower till past midnight, so my plan was null and void. Yes, I’m still carrying my old pubes. If it counts for something, though, I put a brand new bedsheet on my bed and I’m sitting naked on it right now, typing. When morning comes, I plan on wearing a new bra and a new underwear. The excitement!!!

Just wish me a happy birthday, Sweet Potatoes. That’s all I’m asking for — unless your body is doing you as if you want to buy me a Tom Ford perfume. Then who am I to say no?

It’s now 4:35 AM.