You’re supposed to change your toothbrush every three months, right? I think so. Anyway, I change mine like every six to eight weeks. Why? I brush too hard and too often – apparently. In the morning, I brush at least twice, but most times three times, and I brush at night too. So in a day, I brush about four to six times. And then, of course, I floss and use Listerine mouth wash at least once a day. Weird?
See these two tooth brushes? The one by the left belongs to my mom, and the one by the right belongs to me. The thing is, my mom started using her tooth brush about two weeks before I started using mine. So why does mine look like I’ve been using it since we entered the new millennium? It probably has something to do with me being unable to withstand the temptation of chewing the bristles of my toothbrush. Why do I chew the bristles? This is just one of the many enigmas in my Verastic life.
Look at the bottom of the toothbrushes sef. On my mom’s toothbrush, you can see ‘Colgate’ written at the bottom. Mine is completely wiped off. When I brushed my teeth two days ago and found stray bristles on my tongue (that I almost swallowed, by the way), I realized three things: (1). I need to change my toothbrush. (2). I need to stop chewing the bristles of my toothbrush. (3). I might need psychotherapy. Could the chewing of my toothbrush be related to some deep childhood trauma? What could it be?? I think it happened when I was a little girl, about 6 or 7 and was forced to use McClean toothpaste instead of Close-Up. I hated McClean! I loved the red, seemingly transparent toothpaste. Oh, mommy…what have you done to me? I know what you’re thinking: what does Close-Up toothpaste have to do with chewing your bristles? Yeah, whatever!
Speaking of my toothbrush, for the past two weeks I have been suffering from a mysterious illness that apparently has no cure. It’s called the HARD & ITCHING NIPPLES SYNDROME. I am not quite sure why they have been mysteriously getting hard and itching. I have scratched and scratched and scratched, yet relief has been far and in between. The itch has been like a mosquito bite: ridiculously itching, sweet to scratch, but tantamount to causing tear and a permanent scar. My nipples, of course, are the last places I wanna have cuts and/or scars.
Last week, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I did the only thing I could think of doing: I went into the bathroom and put my toothbrush to good use. Yeap, I scratched the heck out of those nipples. They don’t itch anymore, but they still get unnecessarily hard (when is it ever necessary?). This, of course, is also an enigma.
Anyway, you might not have noticed, but I just included my address. I figured you all have been dying to send me hand-written letters. LOL. Please, feel very free to include some gifts – you know the usual…perfumes and Range Rovers. Yes, Rovers as in plural. LOL. But if you insist on sending perfumes, *rolling eyes* I’ll appreciate one or all of the following:
1. Miracle Forever by Lancome.
2. Romance by Ralph Lauren
3. Rock n Rose by Valentino
4. Diamonds by Emporio Armani
5. Princess by Vera Wang
6. Vera Wang by Vera Wang
7. Daisy by Marc Jacobs
8. Gucci by Gucci
Wait oh, am I seriously, publicly begging for perfumes on my blog? I have sunk to a new low. Hehehehehe. Needless to say, my love for perfumes is an enigma that I do not wish to figure out. I’m pretty content with just acquiring them.
Oh, I guess I should put that address up now. It can also be found on my profile.
P. O. BOX 7893
Essex, MD 21221
Firsttt…
Why do u chew u tooth-brush bristles Vera? And why did u use ur toothbrush to scratch? How did u even think of the idea??? U’re a CASE!
LOLLLLLLLLLL…
Hahahaha…
Vera is at it again!
It’s called toothbrush. Not titbrush.
… You may have to come here to get your perfs 😉
Please… me I just want to know who will send you perfumes, seriously…
Your toothbrush looks like a chewing stick… LOL! I can’t believe how battered and chewed up it is… WOW.
And you did WHAT with it? Did you use that same toothbrush to brush your teeth after this disturbing event?
Confirmed…Vera is Looney.
I think I have read somewhere that it can be detrimetal to your dental health to brush too many times. Surely your gum must bleed if those bristles look like that?
lol @ aloofar. titsbrush. hahahahahahhaha
hard nipples r d sign dat ur *coughs* needs servicing. so, it’s good! d itching is also good. just stick it into d mouth of d dude & beg him 2 suck away. it’s stop! so, dat u can stop d abuse of d toothbrush.
u like perfume o, no b say u talk
lol!!! You are cracking me up bigtime!Poor tooth brush…London Buki got it right it actually looks like chewing stick…werreminute…an thought is beginning to develop…did you like chewing stick when you were growing up?lol just kidding!!!
I loooooooove close up
As for the nipple itch…erm you are on your own o!
Vera you don crase finish,
habaaa! pity the poor toothbrush,
I suggest you write cologate and ask them to make a special toothbrush for you. Specially dedicated to cleaning tough areas and great for scraching nipples and any other body part that might itch. LOL.
And no worries, I am sending you my own frangrance, Danfo by Omohemi.
*Go and get the door, my package has arrived*
Jaycee: I really dunno why I chew my bristles. Like I said, it might have something to do with the psychological trauma I suffered as a child.
Aloofar: I reserve the right to use my toothbrush as a titbrush. Desperate times call for desperate measures. So I did what I had to do. You’re tempting me to come 2 Naija ooo… I just might come. Anything for my perfs.
London Buki: Yeah, I sure did use that toothbrush after scratching my nipples. lol. Babe, I was hoping you’d send me the perfumes?? LOL.
TMINX: Noooo! Why did you have to tell me something like that??? Why did you have to tell me brushsing too many times can be detrimental to my dental health? I don’t wanna know such info. But yeah, my gums do bleed sometimes. lol.
Free-Flowing-Florida: Thanks for the advice ehn, but as tempting as it is, I have to pass. I am celibate biko. I have to bear the itching nipples and continue scratching them with my titbrush. lol
No Limit: Nope, I HATED chewing stick. What would I need chewing stick for when there is close-up? LOL
NaijaBabe: LOL. I thought I was the only one who loved close-up. As for the nipple itch, well, I guess I’m really on my own.
Omohemi Benson: Toothbrush to scratch other itching areas of my body? LOL. But I will definitely write Colgate and ask them for a new toothbrush. As for that you Danfo perfume… ehm… no thanks lol.
i fear when i see enigma, wondered ‘wetin i do o’
What do you really do with your toothbrush to make it turn out like that? wow..
‘Titbrush’…lmao!
I used to chew my tooth brush when I was in Junior High and High School. I was immature and it’s just…habit. Those weird habit that goes away, might take some time.
Obviously every female is different when it comes to the female body. Menstruation, breaths, body weight, hair, pregnancy, being horny, climax etc. My nipples gets hard for 3 reasons, when I’m sexually aroused, cold or when my hair around my nipple is growing or needs trimming. I’m a very hairy female and I like me.
The hair around my nipples are very VERY tiny but it’s only noticeable by me. I can feel it and see it in close up. But then again, your case might be different. I know one thing for sure, you might be horny.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha…
Vera shame no catch you to show us that ur toothbrush ke?!
You are just one crazy babe,lol..
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha…
Vera shame no catch you to show us that ur toothbrush ke?!
You are just one crazy babe,lol..
Enigma: I chew the bristles. Why? I’m not quite sure. It’s an enigma to me sef.
Anonymous: I’m trying hard not to imagine you trimming the hairs on ur nipples. LOL.
Aphrodite: Shame catch me oh…but not enough to not put the picture up lol. Me, crazy? Yeah, I know.
I hereby certify you as an authentic Nutter!
Kai! i feel 4 d toothbrush o! By d way i tink u suppose don change dat chewingbrush. E no fit last 2 mths. I seriously doubt the effectiveness of the brush sef. Wit d kin obtuse & acute angle d tin dey exhibit na only gum u go dey wound.
O geyl, rubbing ya teeth wit shreds of rubber does not constitute cleaning! LOL
Parfume ke? Na carton of toothbrush go solve ya problem!
Ya nipples — no help is available. in fact, eh – NO COMMENT
Vera o! U have killed me! U r not well at all
Ibilola: How dare you say my toothbrush is exibiting obtuse and acute angle?? You go wound o! Don’t you know my toothbrush is among the movers and shakers in the toothbrush world? Make you no dey misyarn o. Do you even know how many chieftancy titles my toothbrush has? Take ya time o. After all this yarn wey you yarn, u no fit send @ least one range rover for my mailbox abi? lol.
Oh my…Are you brushing too hard? You dont want your teeth falling out in your old age and you scare your grand babies witht he fake teeth that you put in a glass of water and all…
WAIT!!!
I didn’t just read THAT!
Taking a toothbrush to ‘HARD & ITCHING nipples’?
*scratching head and wondering what the world had come to*
No one seems to believe me when i say that you are very sick….. Verachi omo igbo,ndo.
Lmao @ putting the tooth brush to good use…abeg Vera no kill me oh…but hmmm seems like a good idea…my nipples become hard and itchy a few days to my period…
Girl, seeing as you chew the bristles on ur toothbrush maybe…just maybe you should use a chewing stick!!!
Yes, crazy, enigmatic, sick (na Funmmie talk am o, na she sabi u pass).
Take Afrobabe advice, get chewing sticks. I can email those to u from Naija. I no get perf and u know it. Lol. I dey wait to get from collections sef.
How ya nipples na? pele
OCD!!!!
u berra go for counseling, see a shrink or go for deliverance…
GBESE!!!!toothbrush for nipples? omo mehn that’s a first…mehn…
kai…no commment again…
u need a man in ur life.
Chei Vera you are a case! Are you chewing the toothbrush? LMAO for real
Uzo: Ah, I most definitely do not want missing teeth oh. But goodness, I’m just so used to brushing like that. Ahhhhh.
Nimmo: LOL. I’m equally wondering what the world is turning into.
Funmie: Whatever! You’re just hating on my toothbrush. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Afrobabe: Babe, you should definitely try using a toothbrush then. And no, I do not need a chewing stick. LOL. But thanks for offering o.
StandTall: You berra go and get yourself some perfume oh, and no, you’re not welcome to my collection. lol. I don’t want chewing stick. I’m perfectly fine with just chewing my toothbrush – no matter what anyone might think about it.
Charizard: LOL. Why you no comment again? Hehehe. Don’t worry, I will book an appointment with a Psychologist very soon. lol. Me sef, I no comment again.
Anonymous: That’s true.
NigerianDramaQueen: Yes oh, I’m always chewing my toothbrush. lol.
Something dey worry u sha
one word: WEIRD
OK…two words:
VERY WEIRD!
Vera…it is well. lol
Standtall: Yeah, I know. That’s the problem – precisely.
Diamond Hawk: Love you too, baby.
Black James Bond: LOL. I know that already.
Darling Vera, where have I been all these days that this post has been up? I cannot but agree with Aloofar, they are toothbrush and not titbrush and maybe FFF is right too you know. Someone’s teeth and tongue will do the job better than your toothbrush.
instead of the perfumes, I’m sending you a box of chewing stick! u can thank me laterz!
Naijaleta: I’m ashamed of admitting this, but I’m kind of excited about your last suggestion. Hehehehe. Problem is that I don’t have any1, but you’re more than welcome to help me out.
Bumight: If I see chewing stick in my mailbox ehn…..!!! I will show you pepper! I will teach you what hot water does to garri. No try me o…lol
Vera, just buy a pack of brushes and change every six weeks. Seriously. Your bristles are scary.
Rosie: LOL. How dare you insult and disrespect my bristles by calling them scary? Warn urself ooo!
woah, that is some serious use out of those toothbrushes! You should send that pic to your toothbrush manufacturer and ask for a refund cos they should hold up a little longer.
lol
Hope all is well.
sis, whts with the enigma, i mean u said ity like 50 times in ur write up,why u dey abuse the word now vera?good stuff by the way and bold too.
hahahahahahaha,my beau has a partner ooh!!
he doesnt chew his own brush oh,he brushes his teeth asn if he is usin scrubbing brush for the floor,he even bleeds atimes!lolyup,u both are WIERD!!!
as for d hard and itching,maybe it needs d midas touch……*wink,wink*
OMG,u like romance by ralph lauren,diamonds by armani,miracle by lancome???we are soooooooooooooooooooo in synch.but is it miracle abi miracle 4ever?d one i like is jus miracle!!abeg,recommend perfs for men for me,i love un4givable by sean jean,chic by caroline….. but am still looking for more nice smelling perfs.u know d kinda things i’d like
jeez update already
SolomonSydelle: I never even considered that, but now that u have mentioned it, I just might do it.
Miz Cynic: Thanks, love.
QMoney: Tell your boo that he shouldn’t mind all the haters jo. Which kin yeye hating be that? Let him brush his teeth how he wants too. I obviously relate to him too. My gum bleeds sometimes. But who cares? I just want my breath to be fresh and my teeth to be squeaky clean. I love Miracle Forever more than Miracle. As for men’s perfumes (cologne), I will look into that. My regards 2 ur boo, my partner in crime.
Funmie: Shut the heck up. When did you update last? No vex me o.
methinks some good good loving should do the trick as per the nipple situation, maybe get the guy to pour lavender oil and rub it gently………
Jaguda: Abeg, stop making my imaginations run wild. I am very single and very celibate, so your suggestion will put me in mad trouble.
U have over dealt with this toothbrush!
a brother’s just opining love, just opining. so if im correct you dont want to get into trouble?…..
Calabar Gal: LOL. Abi o. But do not distress, for I have gotten a new toothbrush and converted the old one to a hair brush. Am I the only one who does that??
Jaguda: Ah, I most definitely do not wanna get in2 trouble. I have come tooooo far! LOL.I will check your blog out RIGHT NOW.