For the past two or three years, this thong has been floating around inside my underwear drawer. Depending on the day, I am not always entirely sure that it isn’t mine. What I am mostly sure of is that if it doesn’t belong to me, then it belongs to Uju. If by any chance it does not belong to any of us, then this sure beats me.
The mysterious thong … also known as “The accused”
Prior to this morning, I had more confidence that it wasn’t mine, but after I took a shower and looked with sheer surprise and cluelessness at about seven underwears that really belonged to me, wondering where they came from and if they really belonged to me, I have since begun to doubt my conviction about the mysterious thong. You see, about a month ago, I bought new underwears. The day I bought them, I washed all of them. I have since worn each of them at least once – I think.
Not being able to recognize the underwears that I bought only a month ago made me wonder: if I cannot recognize my one-month old underwears, then what is the chance that I will recognize this other thong from two or three years ago? But I’m almost certain that it belongs to Uju. I have brought it out several times and thought about wearing it only to put it back. What’s the worse that could happen? Would Uju’s two year old pubic hair be joined to mine? Would their union alter my DNA? Woud I become Uju? And if it’s not Uju’s thong but really mine, then have I punished my thong for nothing? It is fair to say that I don’t want to know the worst that can happen.
If this case were being tried in court where this thong was being accused of being my thong, this thong’s lawyer (the defense lawyer) would say, “But Vera doesn’t wear thongs. Vera wears t-strings, so why would Vera own a thong?” And the prosecutor would say, “Yes, but this thong is in Vera’s size, and it was found in her drawer. Why would Uju’s thong find its way there? Unless there’s something you’re not telling us.” And then, the defense would say, “Object, Your Honor! Prosecution is badgering the witness!” Okay, fine. You’re right. That last part doesn’t make sense. I just wanted an opportunity to say that badgering the witness thing. 😀
I’m not sure exactly what I or Uju would be saying during this time, but as you can see, I’ve given this court case great thought. I say we all donate our services to this great cause. Who wants to join in and find out the real owner of this thong?
I feel so sorry for this maligned and relegated thong… it is being discriminated, even though it is a beautiful pink thong which will undoubtedly look good on verastic
What will happen if you wear it? You will discover how beautiful your body looks in it and the additional discovery that the pink thong is sexy… if you doubt me… invite me and let me be the judge! Just be willing and ready to model it for me
I am certain that I will approve
Hahahaha @ Paul! Na wa o. You really have a good heart oh. You’re so sympathetic toward the thong, and I’m starting to wonder if there are ulterior motives. Just for believing in me and this thong so much, I am now officially contemplating taking you up on your offer. Oya, come and see!! All this time, I thought I needed to go through special processes like DNA and court to discover the real owner. But alas, I have you! Thank you, Paul 😀
Vera, dear, I am excited already, ready to “come and see” !!!
I am already salivating and drooling kwa!
Vera, I am cocksure that you look delightful in pink, getting the once in a life time opportunity to see you with the pink thong on is priceless
I will climb the highest mountains, swim the deepest seas and cross the most expansive desert, to “come and see”
My heart is palpitating now! Missing beats!
You are a great writer, and I would read your writing even if you were describing snow or cow manure!
I particularly like the soft-mellow pink of that thong! Such a gentle pink it is!
Lol…
So yeah…this happened to me twice…I had to throw them away…
This is what happens when you have pole stay over..lol
LOL. Really? But it’s such a mystery, and it’s kinda fun looking at it in my drawer. Okay, fine. I’ll throw it away. *SOBS*
lol girl you got time …nice thong though haha
Nne, how I go take do am na? This is a very serious marra!
All I saw was Vera wears only T-stings -_^….. 😀
@Tee … Hahahahahahahaha. How typical! So this entire post, all you took away from it was Vera wears T-strings? *SMH*
Which one be T strings (confused Igbo face). We still dey manage the G, una come carry T jam am. You for show us the size tag, then we can help you conclude on ownership.
You don use pink kpata jide commenter nke mbu na post a. lol. A hapu ya o nwere ike icho aka gi na marriage. Lekwa ihe panti na-eme!!
p.s. Hope I have badgered you enough (love that word too). lol
Ginger, LOL. Original crase babe. If pant is what will earn me a proposal, then lemme go and wear all the pink panties I can find. There is plenty more where this one came from. LOL @ the size tag. Nonsense. Na me you wan use Igbo sense deceive abi? I bin think say you like me sef? And lol @ loving badgered. I know, right! 😀
I forgot to tell you what a T-String is. It’s like a thong, except that the part that goes between your butt cheeks is very thin. And the part that stays on your waist is thin too, so together, they look like a T. Oh, well. I like them cause they feel a lot more comfortable than thongs … to me anyway.
Urban Dictionary: T-string
The littlest piece of underwear in existence. You might as well not wear underwear. A t-string has a little triangle in front, strings at the hips…..
p.s. no be me talk am. So my conclusion bu, Verastic nwanne m anaghi eyi pant!!!
LOL!! Well, you and your urban dictionary can lacha pu ike’m very well. And I do wear underwear, thank you very much! But wait oh, I thought going without panti di kwa sexy? I thought that’s the reigning thing kita.
LOL..poor thong if only it understands what lingerie abuse is.
Hahahaha @ lingerie abuse. Did I ever mean to hurt it? No. Technically, it’s abuse without intent. Perhaps, we can then call it neglect? LOL.
I just thank God that I am a man.
LOL. But you enjoy seeing the thongs on women, don’t ya? Talk true ooo
You did not just put up a very intimidating strip of private pink material on my laptop screen!
Pass the anointing oil!
Hahahaha. I’m not even gonna ask you what you need the anointing oil for. It better be to anoint your head oh. And I mean the head on your neck. Naughty boi.
Chei!
You corrupt aunty! Anointing oil is for anointing, shikena!
Hahaha. Bloody liar, that’s what you are.
“What’s the worse that could happen? Would Uju’s two year old pubic hair be joined to mine? Would their union alter my DNA? Woud I become Uju? And if it’s not Uju’s thong but really mine, then have I punished my thong for nothing?” Best lines ever. You are so funny Vera. You should hire inspector gadget. I hear he does a fantastic job.
Hahaha. Thanks, Adabeke!! I could not help but wonder what would happen. I’m glad you find it funny — especially since this isn’t even my funniest post. At least not to me anyway 😉