In spite of the economic strife that everyone finds him/herself in, I remain untouched. I am not even perturbed by all the financial woes that people are in. I’m sorry that people are losing their homes and jobs, and I’m sorry that some people don’t even have food to eat, but as for me, the economic wahala is yet to touch me. And considering this genius idea that I have for staying afloat, I can go ahead and assume that I will be just fine. No, I do not have a mega-paying job…and neither has anyone left a fortune for me. I have only used my brain to come up with a genius idea. Now, indulge me for a few minutes while I share with you…because I want you to make money too.
I have decided that I will get married very, very soon. Sure, I’m not engaged – YET, but don’t worry, God will fix that. He has a way of listening to me. No, I do not intend to milk my husband – although that’s not a totally bad idea. What I intend to do instead is to give birth to about twenty to thirty girls (and a few boys – just to make my husband happy). I am aware that the Nigerian mentality is that boys have more value than girls, but considering the economy, girls have wayyyy more value. Boys bring you nothing but diminishing returns, but with girls… oh boy!
I asked myself these three questions (which I learnt from my Econ class in high school): What to produce, how to produce, and for whom to produce. The results were astonishing! My only regret is that I didn’t think of it sooner.
What to produce: Baby girls.
How to produce: Seduce hubby. The rest is history.
For whom to produce: All the [capable] bachelors.
Yes, so you see … with the twenty to thirty girls that my husband and I will breed, we will document every penny we spend on them. When a man asks for any of our daughter’s hand in marriage, we will pull out our “output sheet” and calculate the simple interest plus the capital
Formula: Principal (amnt spent) X Rate (interest rate) X Time (her age)
100
Example: $200, 000 X 25% X 25
100
In the economic world, this formula is used to calculate the simple interest.
In our (my world and hubby’s), this formula is used to calculate the bride price. Whatever amount I get from that calculation will be the interest. It has to be added to the principal in order to get the actual bride price. I wish I could tell you the amount that my example up there will come up to, but my calculator says, “memory overflow.” Hehehe. Ah, that is how my and hubby’s bank account will be overflowing with CASH!!! Calculators won’t be able to handle it. Those money counters will break down trying to count our money. We might even start using our money as toilet tissue. I tell you, my husband is a lucky man. His wife has marvelous entrepreneurial skills. He hasn’t married her yet, and she’s already planning on how to overflow their accountS with money. Hmmph! What can I say? Some men are just plain lucky!
Of course, as with every business, there is always a risk. Ours lies here: what if our daughters decide to join the convent?
first
and i read and still nobody!!
Vera ur CRAZY!!!!lololololol!
y didnt i think of that!!Oh well i thank God everyday that i have friends like u!!!!!1
me second… argghh tinu
AHHHH second!..brb!
*DEAD*….Vera!!!! why!!!!…
….lol…. vera, i think you need to start consulting Dr Phil from now cos ur own go pass that of octomum…..
come to think of it….. vera, maybe naa the same thing octomum dey think be that ooooo
BeyOnd yaaaaright!!! YAAA VERY RIGHT!that woman pisses me off!ok vera should i send my account details or should i send my aacount details?
Only you ohh..only you would come up with such a theory. Heniwaiz I guess it makes sense in a twisted Vera kinda way..:)
lmao..kolo girl
Tinu: Congrats on being first, second, and third. lol. E no easy ooo! I don’t know why you didn’t think of it sooner, but I’m glad I have a friend like you too! And because of that, I’ll let you use my idea… FREE OF CHARGE!!
Funmie: Eyaa. Sorry. Tinu is a “shampion”
Ms O: LOL. Why what now? Wetin I do? I didn’t do anything. I am just tryna help everyone be rich here
Beyond: Hahahahaha. So you’re now comparing me to Octomom? Well, I guess it makes sense seeing as I want twenty to thirty girls. You’re right sha; e fit be the same thing wey Octomom dey think. Hmmm.
Tinu: Yeap. You should definitely send your account details.
Taymee: Why does it have to be twisted? This idea is super duper good — in a Vera kinda way, of course. Hehehe.
TayneMent: Me ke? Na two of us na…!! Hehehe
i love the idea
the only problem is that it will take at least 18 years for them to catch a hubby
how will u survive until then ooooooooooo
Yes o, go and patent your idea mut pronto and even if your girls join the convent you can claim your ahem** expenses with baba God.
El loco hombre
Wow! Brilliant! You are a JAYNIUS! (Razz-arian for genius) 🙂
“I have only used my brain to come up with a genius idea”
what brain? what genius idea?
now i have only confirmed that you’re suffering from brain touch
Well u sure are a dreamer. Lol.
My favorite client, you know some guys would want to negotiate that price so I will do that on your behalf, the only thing is, you have to pay me 10% of all actual fees paid. I won’t even charge interest if you don’t pay on time.
You are a case!
Let’s say you’re about 30yrs old, and you do not carry more than one child in your womb at any give time, You’ll need at least 1 year for each child.
Won’t you need to add a factor to that ‘bride price’ calculation to cover for the event of your not being able to produce up to 20 or 30 girls before menopause sets in? lol!
I knew your ideas would be this crazy!!
Vera oh… This is too funny! 30 girls… LOL..
and joining a convent:-))))
lol…………
HAHAHAHA! I no fit shout
Vera, thank you for a good laugh!!!My meeting won’t be so long and dreary no more coz i’ll be thinking of you!!
Verraaaaaaaaa!!!!
20 comments…
i’m afraid your risk assessment is a little…well…crap
you end up having 20-30 BOYS!
or even
as you know that the number of eligible bachelors is not great
OMG!!! This is freakin hillarious…Once again..You just at the height of creativity..smokey hot…dont stop now!!!…Keep tappin on the gas till i cant get anymore of you!!!
You damn so sweet…I beg to apply…lol
do u have a contingency plan for these situations?
Madam Vee, *applause, standin/jumpin/flyin ovation*, ur brilliant money spinning strategy na die o! Octomum’s gat nuffin on u, babes! But av u thought of the ‘manpower’ involved?! Or do you plan to hire ‘birthing assistants’? lol. All d best o!
p.s. in celebration of ur innovative intelligence, i owe you 10 starburst candy for the first 10 married daughters, 10 bottles of choice perfumes for the next 10 and *::…drumrolls please…::* 10 RANGE ROVERS (are ur eyes poppin outta dia sockets yet?) for the next ten. Any next ten (… if u still d get power) will qualify u for a blank check. Enuf motivation yet? GET TO WORK!!!
lmao… luvn this.. i need to come up with a master plan as well!
You are just bringing out the Igboness in you. If they join the convent then your money making business isn’t going to work.
LOL you are funny.
VERA U R CRAZY!!! (but thats no news).
VERY U DON KOLO FINALLY!
and u did not wish me a happy birthday or send my gift, pls explain urself!! or i vex finally.
Babes, you remember how to calculate simple interest??? Hooray! I feel like such a dullard.
I should copy this your formula and make my life better.lol.
Capitalist don land.
VERA! ROTFL…ds is serious…the seriousness with which u churn out this comic pieces is alarming…love the twist 2, using econs n formulas 2 calc bride price…lol
watch out though…u might have 20 boys instead…in which case, U will be filling up other people’s bank accounts…lol…
lol…I couldn´t make this up even if I tried
Here´s to hoping they don´t become nuns.
See this player of a somebody called Trybes. Didnt think i’ll catch you here abi?
🙂 Nice one Vera. but i still like my option better.
lol@ joycee.. wont that be interesting Vera. After all the hard work they decide to become nuns. anyway, 25%?. are u for real. thats way too cheap. be like my dad and charge 25.99%.. u no the 99 cents americans add to the cost of everything.
Haa..My dearest,one and only TIGRESS..no vex for me o..You should understand that im a proper yoruba man..meaning that…as they say in the Quran..you can take as many wifeys as you can cater for…so, still got the large heart to take you on,take Vera on and whoever is ready to join me on my roller coaster ride..
The other thing is that wouldnt you like me workin with Vera’s formular..the more wifeys,the more female kids we can produce if una seduce me well…lol…join me in the bedroom o jare!!!………LOL
It depends on how you see it. You may die of poverty before any of your daughters get married.
& who says you wont have 12 boys.
Its not a bad idea though.
I guess im so scared of this woman sendin a tiger after me that i always seem to buckle each time i type her name…
My bad THE STRONG AFRICAN TIGERESS
Kafo: Yeah, I know, but when our "investment" matures, it will be a handsome reward.
Cerberus: I love that word, "patent." My business partner and I use that word a lot sha. 🙂 And ues, I will definitely be patenting it. Why, but of course! You're right; I can claim my expenses from God.
Poetically Tinted: LOL! Thanks, boo. I've always known I have it in me, but it just took this economic wahala to bring it out. 🙂
Baroque: LOL! How dare you insult me??? How dare you?! Baroque, oya kneel down & fly your hands. You said a whole me is suffering from brain touch? Ah, you have insulted me.
Adaeze: This one no be dream o. This na proper reality. Best believe that. lol.
Luscious Ron: Bia, this lawyer woman. Don't spoil this good relationship we have oo. I never make investment and you're already charging me 10%. Ah ah that is too much now… for a mere lawyer. lol. Biko, take 0.5% and let's call it a day. It'll still be a lot of money, don't worry.
Enkay: Bia Madam Enkay, stop this rubbish calculation you're calculating 4 me. Age will never, ever deter me from borning pikins. Secondly, I will not go into menopause till I reach 79, so what you see, that's not even an issue. Thirdly, I don't need one year for each child. I need nine months. As soon as one pops out, I'll seduce hubby again.
Remi: Yes now! Imagine if I have 30 girls, and they now decide to join the convent. You know God likes playing these tricks on people.
Gochi: That must mean you love my idea abi? Hehehe.
Shona: Look, stop laughing with me oo. I am still heart broken. I am still hurt. I am still… in fact, never mind sef. Okay, you can laugh small, but that's it! lol
Scribbles: Oh my days!!! I didn't even count that risk. Goodness, Scribbles! Why would you profess such a fate on me? LOL. Now that you have written it, so might it be. Hey, but mba nu!! Ah, 30 boys?? Chei!! That one will be the serious recession (and regression sef). Your comment box thanks me. LOL.
Trybes: LOL! Hahaha. Thank you oooo. Ehm, if you want ehn, you can apply for one of my daughter's hands in marriage, but I should warn you… we're giving her off to the highest bidder. So start saving now.
Scribbles: There will be no contingencies. I will born 20 to 30 girls, and they will have capable suitors who will pay up. Finish. End of story.
Purple Streak: Ehn??? Only me? Ten range rovers? Ten perfumes? And ten starbursts? Oh oh ha oh! God is on my side! Shame, where are you? Vera looks around, searching 4 shame; he’s nowhere to be found Nne, if you do all these things you have promised ehn…. in short, I don’t know what I will do with myself. Warning to husband You better show up now oo so that we can start the baby making process. Look @ all the rewards we stand to get. Oh, and to answer your question, no I do not intend on hiring an assistant. I am very capable. I have baby-bearing hips (or so I tell myself) LOL
Randomer: LOL. Yes, you do oh because this recession is not funny anymore. As 4 me, I consider myself rich already because this my plan is simply genius!
Nice Anon: Exactly! That is why joining the convent is the risk. This one no be about being Igbo o. It is about having entrepreneurial skills. Hehe
Omotee: Oturugbeke! I missed your birthday? Oh baby, but how? In short, you see, I was busy mastering this plan… so that when it matures, I’ll be able to buy you your heart’s desires. U know now! LOL. I never kolo oo. This is just a smart business venture.
Woomie: LOL. Yes oh, I remember. They drummed it in our ears so much; I have no choice but to remember. You’re welcome to copy my formula. Ur life will never be the same… in a good way, of course. Hehe.
Rosie: Honey, but of course! Why shall I shy?
Just Doyin: Lai lai! It will not happen oh. Don’t you know that every fetus starts out being a girl? Every fetus has a higher chance of being a girl (XX) than being a boy (XY) cos as you see, there are more Xs. And of course, I have to include economics. Na the economy dey give us wahala now. lol. Glad you liked the post.
Joicee: AMEN!!!! They musto find husbands that are capable of paying their simple interest.
Tigeress: LOL @ your message to Trybes. Wetin dey do you sef? No dey harass my commenters anyhow oo. Ehen… and what might your option be?
Sweet Nothin: I like your type of people. Indeed, 25.99% is wayyyy berrer (and classier sef). Although, I still can’t calculate it on this darn calculator. lol.
Trybes: Hahahahahahahaha. You’re really a proper Yoruba man oo! So if “we” seduce you well ehn?? Well, me I dey flattered ooo, but I no fit. We no dey do that kin thing 4 my village. In short, it is a taboo. No Vera shall be a second wife. It is either only me or not me. But ehm… I fit auction Funmie off to you sha. Right now, she’s on a buy one, get one free sale, so you buy her and get her sister 4 FREE
Oluwadee: If no be say I like you too much ehn, I for send thunder to fire that your mouth. Who told you I’m in poverty right now? Tufia kwa. God forbid. lol. I can never, ever be in poverty. My GIRLS will deliver well, well, so that my hubby and I can live like royalty
Trybes: Ah! Just when I thought you were a real man, you don dey apologize. Hehehe. Even if she send small tiger, no be your pikin him be? Wetin dey fear you? Don’t worry, Trybes.. I will fight 4 u! Vera will fight u. But I no go marry u oh. I no wan tiger to carry me do snack
LOL…make your plan no go backfire on you oh. What if the men decide your shildren are too ‘expensive’ and decide to go pluck from another person garden…wetin u go take ya 20-30 girls do then?? hehe
Vera, yes oh, God has an awesome sense of humour, imagine that…!!! I’m pretty sure you will find how to make money with the boys wey remain.. lol..
lol, well it has been statistically proven that more girls are born during economic downturns. So your plan is to become a babymaking machine and then later on a wife-purchasing factory. But the effect is not immediate and cannot sustain you thru this recession, …except if you are planning on marrying the girls off at a young age? abi you wan become pedophile?
Glory, Halleluyah! Rose of Sharon, rock of ages, ancient of days has answered my prayers. Don’t change ur number o! We are officially family members now. I volunteer to babysit, and I won’t even charge u!
Nutcase!
Lol!! This is hilarious… Permission to please borrow (steal) your idea…hmm and I have a feeling that I would be verrry fertile!
Also, *hint hint* I heard that effeminate men would likely produce girls so watch out for the pink shirts and intensely groomed-haired she-men lol
Love your blog xx
30 Boys and 10 Amaphrodites for Vera & her Husband!
AMEN!
*Goes away laughing her EVIL LAUGHTER!*
I’m tired of noting you don kolo!!!!!!!!!!!
but truth be told
na true you talk
unfortunately yoruba people no dey collect bride price o
so e no go pay me if i born plenty woman pickin………*wink*
oh my daze! u r hilarious!
u so reminded me of high school in naija…wen i saw d formula, first thing that popped in my head was prt/100.
bt chill tho..how many pikin(s) will dt be? u dis chic! Osanobua help u!
like normally you dey blow me up
today I don explode Vera
you are simply unwell
ah! ah!! WETIN BE THIS?!!!
LOL!
lmao. you are hilarious! see all that interest and time and principal and rate. which subject be that self?
LOL! See as you just set the business plan.
Coincidentally, I gave birth to a baby girl same day you were busy writing your plans (abi na plot?:D)
Repressed One: Any man who wants quality will know that my girls are the original 100% girls. No imitation, so he will come to me no matter the cost.
Remi: Oh, yes indeed. For the remaining boys, maybe I’ll send them off to another country (like India) where the woman asks for the man’s hand in marriage. As 4 God, yes indeed, he’s funny.
Omo Oba: Don’t worry about how I will sustain myself from now till then. Sebi na living God I dey serve? He will provide.
Neffie: Ah, I bin dey talk am say, e get one kin me and just resemble. I guess now I know why! Girl, I won’t do anything to deprive you of the honor of babysitting my honies. Where else will u get that privilege?
1 + The One: Whoa. If you’re right, that means my business venture is in trouble oo. The person I was planning on having to father my babies does not wear pink. So na so so boy him go dey gimme. Well, we can always fix. I’ll just make sure he starts wearing pink. Baby pink. Hot pink. Metallic pink. All sorts of pink.
Confessions of a London Girl: If no be say sleep don dey catch me, I for don slap you well, well. Hermaphrodites 4 who? As me and my hubby fine reach? lol.
Ibiluv: Yoruba people don’t collect bride price ehn? Ewo ndo, my sister. That is cheating oh! How can the man just get you free if charge.
Just Toluwa: Yeah babes. That your formula is right too. I don’t know why/how I thought about this. It’s been years since I learnt it. Bia, are you saying 20 to 30 girls are too much?
G-FUNC: LOL. You don explode ehn? Only on top Verastic dot com? Ah, lucky me! LOL. Wetin be this? Dis be business venture. U better join me b4 it’s too late.
Bibi: Na maths now! Na General Mathematics. I took my time to include and explain the formula because I want the suitors to know how I arrived @ the number
Vivacious n Chic: Oh my God!! Babe, you might not believe me, but I was thinking about you. Honestly, I was going to facebook email you today to ask if you don born. Awwwwww!!!! Baby girl! Well, now that you have given birth to baby girl number one, I hope you’e started tryin 4 number 2?? CONGRATS!!!
Everyday you give me reason to know why this blog is the best everyday read…Thanks for making my day with laughter…
Herein lies a twist.
What if you marry a yoruba chap?
Yoruba’s pay for their daughter’s wedding.
You need to find an igbo or at least eastern Naija man
You are wasting away your God given talent of being the best comedian that ever live seriously
You are wasting away your God given talent of being the best comedian that ever live seriously
I have some useful tips for you.
Why dont you contact Bumight for some ‘fertilising’ pills? that way, you’ll be able to have like 8 girls at a time and shorten production time.
You can also contact African Weight loss Diva to help you ‘package’ the goods properly and increase turnaround time.
If you want more tips, contact me. I charge a moderate fee.
You are too funny
thanks for making my day
keep up the good work
pure genius, i tell u!
i’ll put ur unborn daughters in my prayers..no convent will take them in in Jesus’ name..
uh, was that prayer sinful?
GOD FORGIVE ME IF IT WAS!
HAHAHA! Rolling on the floor making a fool of myself in the library! VERA VERA VERA! You have killed me AGAIN!! lol So that’s why my dad looks at my twin sister and I and sighs in relief and we plan on marrying on the same day..so all THAT bride price at once… Maybe I’ll have 8 girls…I can’t handle 20 mini-ijs…lol
Huge lmaooo at the 3 questions … WHAT to produce… hahahaha!
x!
LOL … this is totally crazy.VERA! I think you should marry a Nigerian police officer, they are as good as rabbits(i mean low rank), that way the harvest will be more than you can imagine. I think that idea will sell…
Hehehe…
u are a clown! (finally i’ve commented, now i can go and sleep)
lmao…r u serzli kidding me? lol
hehe..no vera no..dis is ridiculous!!
hehe but it was nicely analysed! Your gurls better make mummy proud!
dont wry, with the way the world kips changin, i doubt u shud be scared of ur daughters joining the convent. Not to be rude to God or anything, but joining the convent in their generation ey?
lol..nahhhh
Rita: Awwww! Thank you, darling!!! You're the bomb diggity for this comment. Very, very encouraging. Thanks, love.
Tobenna: That is why I won't marry a Yoruba chap. Pay for daughter's wedding ke? No ooo. That is a taboo in our village. LOL. And my daughters can marry Yoruba men… as long as the men think like Igbo men. Hehe.
Standtall: I don't think you realize what your comment has just done to me: it has swollen my head and I don't know how to bring it down.
SHE: You see, I like your kind of people. You are obviously very, very intelligent – and not to mention, you're very happy about this my business idea. Thank you, my dear. I will definitely contact Bumight & African Weight Loss Diva.
Anonymous: Thank you!!! Please come back ooo… so I continue to [hopefully] make your day.
Buttercup: LOL. Thank you for the prayers. I don't know if it was sinful, but I don't mind.
Bob-IJ: Hehehehe. Yes, o! That's why your dad is a happy man whenever he looks @ you both. I'd be happy too if I was him. But come oh… you and your sis really wanna be married on the same day? That's serious oo.
J. Ifeme: LOL. Hahahaha. Police officers are as good as rabbits? Well, as tempting as this idea of yours is, I think I’ll have to just pass.
Anonymous: But that’s not fair now. I don’t know who you are, so how can I show proper appreciation? 🙂
Penelope: LOL. Their generation might just surprise us ooo! As for our generation, it’s Afrobabe that just spoilt everyone finish. It’s all good though.
Nne i’ll put u in prayers, thats a good plan tho
Jayla: Hahahaha. Soooo… you’re putting me in prayers so that the plan will work abi? *wink*