I have been kinda busy lately. It’s not been easy updating my blog, but I have tried to stay on top of things. I have not even had the time to blog-patrol as usual, and I apologize. Don’t take my absence on your blog as anything personal. Time has just not really been on my side. When has it ever been? That being said, I hate to admit this sad, painful truth: I have let myself go! Now brace yourself as I intend to get very Verastic.
So on wednesday, I took my clothes off in front of my dresser. I was standing there completely nude when I took a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, “Ah, ah…I thought I already took off my underwear.” It took another glimpse for me to realize that what I thought was an underwear was not an underwear, but rather my pubic hair. Oturugbeke! When did it become this bad?????
I know I have been busy, but my goodness!! It’s a black tropical rain forest down there. I don’t know why I have so much hair; it’s not like I’m planning on growing my own weave or something, so what the heck is going on? It is a wonder that my sponge has not gotten tangled yet. This is really mind-boggling. When did all this hair grow? It’s really weird for me because I actually groom frequently, and besides, I’m not even a hairy person, so it takes a long time for my hair to grow. The fact that I have so much hair there makes me feel like I have not groomed in months. Oh, goodness… has it really been months???
If I had a husband, this would be the time he would have asked in a serious, matter-of-fact tone, “Vera, are you trying to grow dada (dread locks) down there?” But alas, there is no husband, so I must witness this abomination alone. Of course, I have gotten rid of the tropical rain forest. I am now so fresh and so clean. Luckily for me, I did not need the services of a professional lawn mower, neither did I need a bull dozer to get rid of the fallen trees (strands of hair).
Oh, and by the way, I took a picture of the tropical rain forest and sent it to Busola & Funmi for their viewing pleasure. Hehehehe. The last time I sent such a ridiculous picture, it was a picture of my poop, and I sent it because it (the poop) was unusually long. Busola happened to open the picture while she was eating. Let’s just say she has since banned me from sending picture messages to her phone. lol. But did that stop me? Nope?? Although, I’m now kinda wishing I didn’t….
My people, please help me beg Busola ooo! She is threatening to show her husband a picture of my pubis. Busola, stop it oooo! And she’s saying she’ll take the picture to work to show everyone. They already think I’m crazy @ her job because she keeps telling them ridiculous stories of me. Busola, I’m sorry!!! Biko, don’t do this thing you’re threatening to do oh; it will ruin my reputation. And Funmi is in support of this evil. Sooooo not funny!!! Busola said I should have thought about my reputation b4 sending the picture. Kai… how I go take do damage control?
LMAO! Veraaaaa! You are absolutely off ur rockers! How in the world will you do something so crazy? Infact show her husband is small. She should put it on face book and tag in Vera’s Pubis… ewww… LMAO u are soooooooo special. Only you, Only u…. and guess what?
I’m FIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSTTT!!!
Ok can i just say i hate you NEFFIE!!! There i was taking my time to read and getting ready to claim my first position. mschewwwwwwww!
But e don tey since wen i hear oturugbeke! Chai..VERA, VERA, VERA, how many times did i call u. How will u take such a pissure and den proceed to send it. Infact i support Busola & Funmi and i concur with Nefertiti, she shd upload it on facebook (read as aprokobook) and tag you.
Yes but please share so what did u use to gromm the tropical rain forest. I'm tired of getting bumps.
Laffing madly @ it’s not like I’m planning on growing my own weave or something, so what the heck is going on? It is a wonder that my sponge has not gotten tangled yet.!!!
I am flabberwhelmed and overgasted!!!
But you know if grows so fast like you shld actually think of registering a coy…”cool advice shey”!!!
Ahn ahn..?Busola and Funmi…don’t do a thing like this o!…pls o don’t show your colleagues o(*whispering to them secetly*…but we can make money from this o!…let’s sell it to CNN!…my cut is 20% abeg!)
OMO – you are crazieeeeeeee! Ehn! You did what?!!! HA! you took a pikshure of your private parts and then you proceed to send it to your friends phones. Chei You are crazieee!
Shey na only facebook.
@Funmie and Busola
Blow the picture up
Send it to
CNN
FAcebook
Bloggers – you can send it to me and I will load it on to my page.
Nigerians living in the US page.
Nigerian village square
what else ?
Kitu KIzuri magazine
All the TV nations in Naija
In fact send it to all the bloggers and we will all upload it onto our page, we shall call it Verastic Day!
HEHEHEHE!!!!
She deserves it!
lol…this is toooo hilarious!!!!!!
.and i thot i had gone bonkers; but u…..
lolllllllllll
@busola: pullllleze’ forward d pix to ma 4one’ me too wan c vera animal- forest :p
See this babe! just when there is a global campaign to discourage deforestation…
So what is left of those species that reside in that habitat?
Busola, I won’t ask that you share the pix, hell no!… question…. does the Amazon make a good sight? π
Nefertiti: Facebook??? Haaa! No oh. You wan kill me? This babe, I bin talk say you no like me @ all. Which kin Vera's Pubes on facebook? Tufia kwa! lol. Why is this random act of generosity (yes, that's what I call it) so crazy? R u saying no1 else has done it? lol.
Mizchif: So after suggesting they open my yansh on facebook, you now want my secret ehn? I will not tell!! LOL. Okay, I'll be nice. I use those hair removal cremes (like Nair & Veet; I prefer Veet though). I don't do blades abeg. I don't do blades on my leg sef, not to talk of such a delicate and sensitive area. Tufia kwa! Na so I go mess up go circumcize myself. lol. Don't mind Nefertiti 4 taking your spot. The babe no dey fear.
No Limit: Ah ah, nawa for you sef. Whose side are you even on? You're telling them not to do it, and then you're suggesting a place for them to post the picture. You're even demanding your own cut sef. LOL. I no wan talk 2 u oh, No Limit. We r sooooo over!
Temite: Haba, my love! All this time I thought you loved me oooo. How can you suggest such a cruel thing now, ehn? You want Busola to ruin me abi? Temite, you have betrayed me oh!!! LOL @ all the places you wanna send the picture to. Oga o.
Black Rose: My dear, I have not gone bonkers oh. I just felt the need to tell my story. lol.
LG: That is just alllllll kindza wrong! Y would you wanna see my pubis? LOL. Abi is there something you're not telling me?
Lol!!! Methinks you should just deny it vehemently. Unless of course your have a tattoo on your *ahem ahem* that says ‘I belong to Vera’… a thing which doesn’t really seem to be beyond you come to think of it.LMAO!!!
Aloofar: You don kolo finish. You call my pubes an amazon one more time and I’ll do you some permanent damage. But since you asked, yes it looks good! That’s my story and I’m sticking 2 it. Global campaign to discourage deforestation ko depubization ni. Mind yourself oh, Aloofar!!!
Doug: LOL. It is beyond me oo. I have no such tattoo. I refuse to cause pain to that area of my body. Ah, mba ooo! The problem is that Busola has told so many ridiculous stories of me that whoever she tells that I sent her a picture of my pubes will not have a problem believing her. Kai. Wahala dey oooo
Ha! Vera wa (our vera), why so verastic LOL, only you will send a pic of your pubic hair and not think of the ‘clever’ things that could be done with it apart from looking at it lol
me i will point and laugh (with love of course :)) if i see it on FB or CNN haha
dear miv stop there is such a thing as tmi stop if i were your friend i would turn your rainforest into a forwad mail and send it to the whole world with your blog address attached stop
in other news, hahahahahhahaha!!!!
ROFLMAO!!! OMG Vera, I swear, sometimes I think you’re off your rocker. How can anybody say the things you do? But then…other times (like these) I feel a strange-if weird-connection to you. Why? Because I’ve been havig the same convo with my roomie this week. I called mines the Tropical Rain Forest too…at firt. But apparenly m roomie has named her hairy legs that…so now I call mines the Amazon π
I’ll be hacking away this weekend lol.
As for the pictures…well girl you sent them, so they belong to them now. That’s what you get for sending them out, haha. Can’t wait to see the pub pic. on facebook! π
Vera…lmao! Anyhue…just so you know, you are not alone. When there is no bf or hubby…we tend to get lazy with grooming down there. Please…never ever take a photo of any body part on any camera. It will come back to haunt you. Just speaking from experience…cus my boobs are somewhere on the internet.
LMA to the O!
You are something else this babe. Verastic is not even enough to descibe ur craziness,lol…
Were you planning to do One million braids with the ‘Bush’this xmas?lol…
Okay i suggest you go and seriously bribe ur friends if not….
π π
Look Idiot, alot of people agree with me showing the picture. They are even giving me ideas where to post it. So sorry, i can’t help u. This is going to be fun. Just think about all the people that will love to see u naked. (lol) I am having the best time of my life.
ahhh Busola, we are begging you oooo because of God, e joooo e ma post e!! please ooo
@Busola – Dearie, let us forgive her. U see she is sorry and she has learnt her lesson. I beg. Let us forgive our wayward daughter and her amazonian forest. Jooo Oko iya mi! Thanks!
Wordsmith: It’s all good; you will not see it on Facebook or CNN. E no go happen oh. Not on my clock. I will beat Busola up b4 she does that
Geisha Song: It will never, ever work for you!!! All your evil plans will never come 2 pass; sebi you dey hear me so? Nonsense! Forward mail ko backward mail ni
Saturn Moonie: LOL @ ur friend’s hairy legs. You know, I’d rather keep a hairy you-know-what than keep hairy legs. They’re sooo uncomfy. So what will you do with all the hair after hacking away? You know you should donate them to some weavon-making company or something.
Rosie: My dear, I never ever EVER send my body part(s) anywhere other than to my friends’ phones because they happen to be very fortunate (although they will beg to differ since they have been begging me to stop sending them such pictures). I must go and look for those your breasts ooo. lol.
Aphrodite: I’ve been begging them oh. I have been offering them bribe and they have refused…especially that Busola gal. I dunno what kinda shakara this one is. lol @ doing million braids with the bush. If I could, I would. No try me o.
Busola: Look, I’m tird of begging you oo! Wetin sef? If you make me angry, I will even post it here myself. lol. Okay, I’m joking. Please, don’t show anybody that embarrassing picture. I hope you’ve deleted it o
Wordsmith: Thank you oh, my sister. Better person!!! You’re the only nice one here. Everyone else has been saying she should post it; they’ve even been giving her ideas sef.
Ehm Busola, sebi you’ve heard??
Temite: lol @ your wayward daughter. But thanks for begging on my behalf sha. I will not forget this favor.
Can’t remember how I stumbled on your gem of a blog, but if the rest of your posts are half as funny as this I will definitely be back!
To Busola: Don’t post it, dear. Forgive her for she knows not what she did. LOL!
Vera you are too much. I will say I support Busola, but for the sake of your mother I shall beg.
Busola please biko, Jowo ni tori Olohun ma se bo se to (Pls because of God don’t do as much as your power dictates; Hope my transaltion is correct). Don’t post the pix don’t reduce her bride price.
fancy a mohican cut[wink wink]
ROTFL…How will anyone be able to relate a face with the picture…or can you send us the picture to access…
Tell Busola that if she shows the picture to her husband it might be to her own detriment…
You know Vera, I could have helped you clean shaved the pubic area free of charge – no strings attached! Just in case it grows back and you need to shave, I’m a phone call away!
Na wa oh, All the visuals…I am a very visual reader.,,and now i know what you look like,,the visuals are so clear..
Anyway thanks for reminding me, i think i need to do some landscaping…any shape and design suggestions?
Vera Why? Why? Why? Why?
As in talk true? u dey crase?
Surely they must realize you are MIV, the verastic Vera and thus you are not bound by the norms of ordinary plebs.
Oh dear… oh dear Vera.
AuNapturel: Thanks, love. I hope you come back. And thanks for the message you left for Busola; she better heed your words.
LusciousRon: Thank you, my dear. Thank you very much. I will make sure I call Busola and tell her to read your comments so she can change her mind.
Jaguda: Stop winking @ me oh. Your head is not correct. lol. Mohican ko mallam ni. lol
Rita: Hey, love. I was so mad that I missed your call today. Did you say I should send a picture?? Of what?? Of me, or of my uhm stuff? lol. I’ll relay your message 2 Busola.
Anonymous: Ehm…no thank you!! Phone call away to do what? No oh!!! No, thank you.
Femi: You don kolo finish! You don kolo for imagining my you-know-what, and you don kolo for asking me for design ideas. How dare you?! LOL. No dey insult me ooo
Zena: Na true talk oh. I don’t know if I dey crase. I’m still checking myself out. lol.
Naapali: LOL. Abi oh. Thank you, my brother. I can trust you to come 2 my rescue. How you dey?
Favored Girl: Dear Favored Girl, why do you call my name in such a delicate manner? lol.
But Vera…what if you are campaigning for President of US in the future? Abi you had no such plans?
i received it as well. dont know how but i did.
lol………. i like ur blog
Seriously nothing bad in growing dada there. The thing will bulge sha and dont worry about Busola, the hubby wont mind seeing ur thing na
oh wow! Just when i thought i’d heard it all.. craziness..
BUSIE abeg put it on more than facebook abeg. xmas season don reach we can make a buck or millions with it. imagine, MIV pubes engraved on mugs for guys, ties, cereal bowl, cell fone covers, screensavers, wall paper, the possibilities are endless. then we double all that by having some of them in hi-def. too bad we dont have the after pics, we would have had the groom-for-dummies book deal going. VERA KICK AND SCREAM ALL YOU WANT. we dey recession abeg. if we dont make money with this how can we afford ur range rover by jan 14.
Rita: Ehm, my dear, I don’t know about campaigning in the future oh. What I do know is that I did not calculate this my move very well. Busola now threatens me every chance she gets. Oh, well. I jst hope the picture does not get seen by anyone. I’ve been begging the babe to delete the picture. lol.
ChiefO: Lai lai. Stop lying ooo! You received wetin? When? lol. You’re sick. You’re very, very sick!
Funmms: Thanks, love!!
Standtall: If there is one part of my body that I do not want a bulge, it is there. That is sooo not cute! lol. Dada down there? LOL. I no fit do dada on top my head sef…
Reverence: LOL. My dear, it was a weak moment ooo. I don’t know what got into me, for real.
Chief: That is just nasty!!!! Pubes on mugs???? lol. Who the heck would wanna drink out of that mug? You’re mad! In short, you’re very, very mad! How dare you, ehn? You dey craze??
Good now that you object to my idea, go shave the thing! u abandoned my blog?
LMAO. Vera. This babe u suppose go night vigil. LOL
Busola I agree with Chiefo. Put it on facebook. Start a blog put it up there.
lol! Only you will do things like this! Were you trying to do a documentary on your ‘rainforest’ that you had to take photos and send it around?!
@ Busola – Pls send express copies to National Geographic channel for worldwide publicity! lol!
Stantall: Me, abandon ur blog? Never ever! Just ben crazy busy, that’s all. How r u,love?
Mr C: You’re not serious. Facebook ko MySpace ni. No oh, abeg. There shall be no such thing. Don’t worry, I’ll go 2 Night Vigil soon.
Buki: LOL. National Geographic ke? LOL. Hahahaha. Haba, it was not that much hair ooo. lol. Look, Buki, stop this thing you’re insinuating oh; I don’t like it! lol
Anonymous: Awwwwwww. Thanx!!!! You’re too sweet. Why you no put name now?
Its OFFICIAL…vera ur CRAZY….it was bad enuf dat u thot u still had ur underwear on, then u took a picture and sent it to ur friend lol….ur just not a serious person.
I totally love this blog tho, av just been laughing d whole time!